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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son says I've ruined Valentine's Day!

222 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 17:18

Hi all
I was supposed to visit my partner who lives a 3 hour train journey away this weekend, but I've been unwell and called him this morning to say that I won't be going. I then went to tell my 20 yr old Son (who lives with me) that I'm staying home this weekend and he's gone mad!!
He says I've ruined Valentine's Day for him and his girlfriend, that they wanted the flat to themselves and that I'm selfish and I'm staying home 'just to annoy him!'. He also stated that he pays towards the rent and should have a say over the situation! I said I think if that's how he feels, maybe he should start looking for his own place, as I won't be bullied out of my own home, especially when I'm feeling so unwell.
I told him that for MANY Valentine's Days I've not been able to have a romantic one because I've had 2 children at home, and that he's being silly and selfish. I said if it means that much to him that he should book a hotel for the night. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SavageBeauty73 · 14/02/2020 17:19

Fuck no. Tell him to get a Travelodge 🤷‍♀️

VettiyaIruken · 14/02/2020 17:21

No you are not!
And it would be a good idea to not back off from your suggestion he moves out.
I'm sure paying his actual own way in the world will be a bit of a shock.

WinterCat · 14/02/2020 17:23

I think it’s time for him to move out.

RuggerHug · 14/02/2020 17:23

I would laugh in his face and tell him when he has his own place then he gets to decide who stays but you're staying in your home when you want.

MadamePewter · 14/02/2020 17:23

I would recommend going into full embarrassing mother mode over the weekend if they do stay there. Maybe you might need to make a loud and smoochy phone call to your partner as you’re unable to visit...? 😉

Snugglemonster84 · 14/02/2020 17:24

Oh bless you both! I can see it from both sides and i think neither of you are in the wrong.
I remember my boyfriend (now husband) and I were house and dog sitting for his parents (we were 20 also). We had a lovely romantic evening planned and they rang to say they were 30 mins away from home as she'd twisted her ankle and they'd decided to come back. I remember being furious with them (totally not their fault) but also glad they'd called or they could have walked in to us in a compromising situation! That is when we both decided to get our own place lol

gamerchick · 14/02/2020 17:24

Ah he's disappointed. But you're not wrong in telling him that maybe it's time he got his own place. These are the breaks.

iklboo · 14/02/2020 17:24

Give him a newspaper with adverts for flats circled in red pen. YANBU.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 14/02/2020 17:24

You're due an apology - and he should take steps to move out. Rude, ignorant man. Sorry, I know he's your son.

Pollaidh · 14/02/2020 17:25

Wow. How ungrateful he is!
I'd laugh in his face and suggest he forks out for a hotel if it's that important. He doesn't seem to care at all that you're unwell and not up to travelling.

Time for him to discover life on his own I think.

Shouldershrugger · 14/02/2020 17:25

Thats a very entitled man! He's 20 fgs. You should insist on him moving out. Let him see how hard it is in rl. He'll come back changed. Sorry you're not feeling well. Stay strong and tell him to get an effing hotel if it means so much.

OscarWildesCat · 14/02/2020 17:26

YANBU, I understand hes disappointed but wow, what a way to speak to you, especially when you aren't well!, time to have a chat about getting his own place OP.

Mummyzzz044 · 14/02/2020 17:29

Aw I actually understand how he feels. We've all been there. Romantic plans ruined by parents lol. He's disappointed but his behaviour is unacceptable. If it was me I would have been gutted but what can you do?.

Time4change2018 · 14/02/2020 17:30

Understandable frustration but no way to speak to your mother or anyone you live with especially as you are unwell, which as he lives with you he'll have known.
Obviously feels his wings are being clipped. Time to set the love bird free and follow through on moving out.
Hope you feel better soon

LonginesPrime · 14/02/2020 17:33

He also stated that he pays towards the rent and should have a say over the situation!

Paying towards the rent doesn't mean he gets your house to himself!!

He's understandably disappointed but what a spoilt, self-centred attitude! It sounds to me like you've bent over backwards to accommodate him over the years when he was a child and his response to this is that you should continue to do so despite the fact he's now an adult.

The sooner he moves out and learns that life doesn't always go the way you want it to, the better, IMO.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 14/02/2020 17:34

Wow. Never seen a 100% YANBU before. Think it's open and shut. He needs to get a hotel, there'll still be some available on Booking . com

saraclara · 14/02/2020 17:35

He was unspeakably rude. But on the other hand he might have had the whole home cooked meal, flowers and big gesture thing planned, so I can understand his disappointment.

If he hadn't been horrible, I'd have made apologetic sounds about being in the way, and settled myself in my room for the evening.

JudyCoolibar · 14/02/2020 17:37

If he wants somewhere to himself on Valentine's Day, he needs to move out and rent his own flat, or at the very least book a hotel or Air BNB. Or go to his girlfriend's.

diddl · 14/02/2020 17:39

Such entitlement!

I hope he's ashamed of himself.

itsgettingweird · 14/02/2020 17:40

Well done for giving the entitled arse a few home truths.

Hope you feel better soon Thanks

diddl · 14/02/2020 17:41

"But on the other hand he might have had the whole home cooked meal, flowers and big gesture thing planned,"

And that's not possible with his mum there??

Wannabangbang · 14/02/2020 17:42

Yanbu he needs to grow up and purchase a night in hotel. How selfish of him and entitled

ProclivitiesMcManus · 14/02/2020 17:42

YABU - he's made plans based on what you told him. Let him have three place to himself.

RightestPersonOnMN · 14/02/2020 17:43

He’s upset because he’s been cockblocked by mum Grin. Tough shit

Wickedwitchofthewest789 · 14/02/2020 17:43

This is what we get as we bring up a generation of snowflakes! Why the hell is he still living at home at 20. Tell him to go to AirBNB with his girlfriend. Hope you're feeling better soon.