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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son says I've ruined Valentine's Day!

222 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 17:18

Hi all
I was supposed to visit my partner who lives a 3 hour train journey away this weekend, but I've been unwell and called him this morning to say that I won't be going. I then went to tell my 20 yr old Son (who lives with me) that I'm staying home this weekend and he's gone mad!!
He says I've ruined Valentine's Day for him and his girlfriend, that they wanted the flat to themselves and that I'm selfish and I'm staying home 'just to annoy him!'. He also stated that he pays towards the rent and should have a say over the situation! I said I think if that's how he feels, maybe he should start looking for his own place, as I won't be bullied out of my own home, especially when I'm feeling so unwell.
I told him that for MANY Valentine's Days I've not been able to have a romantic one because I've had 2 children at home, and that he's being silly and selfish. I said if it means that much to him that he should book a hotel for the night. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
mencken · 14/02/2020 18:44

brat. He wants peace and quiet for a shag, book a hotel room.

or get his own place. Bet he doesn't pay anywhere near enough for that...

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/02/2020 18:45

@Carriecakes80

I’d give them 20 mins max.

Troels · 14/02/2020 18:49

I feel sorry for his girlfriend, I wonder if she knows he's planned shagfest 2020.
He can't be trusted to treat her that well, if he is so nasty to his sick mother, who would have left for her own Valentine celebration had she been well enough to travel there.
No sympathy for the sick from him. Selfish arse.

cologne4711 · 14/02/2020 18:50

I wasn't allowed to share a bed with DH until we were engaged. Not that i remember doing anything under parents' roof although do remember doing it under PIL's', they must have gone out.

OP's son was very rude.

If he's so desperate for a shag he can go to a hotel or find a country lane, like a pp said.

TypingoftheDead · 14/02/2020 18:52

I get he's disappointed, but nobody plans to get sick so they can't keep to their plans. He should be the one making other arrangements, not you!

BumpyNugget · 14/02/2020 18:53

I would have a quick look online and find a flat for rent with a similar spec to your own. Write down the weekly rent.

Then write down the costs all of the following underneath (annually divided 52),
Council tax
Electric
Gas
Water
Landline
Internet
TV licence
Home insurance

Add it up. Write the result in big red numbers.

Add a reminder that,
Food
Cleaning supplies
Toiletries
Will need to be purchased and give an estimate.

Add another category: white goods, TV and other entertainment equipment, furniture, flooring, curtains etc. I suggest a minimum of £10,000.

Present it to your son with a let's see how far your "rent" gets you towards that lot and tell him to shut his ungrateful mouth o you will let him find out.

EL8888 · 14/02/2020 18:56

Charming. If it’s that dreadful maybe it’s time for him to rent or buy his own place?

MyuMe · 14/02/2020 18:56

I can see both sides of it.

It is your home and you have an absolute right to do what you want in it.

However he may not be able to afford to move out, it is his home too and he is paying his way. He isnt living there free.

I paid mum a load of rent and I have to say it isnt easy to pay rent for a place and have no rights in it and have no privacy.

Perhaps he should find a flat shred

MyuMe · 14/02/2020 18:56

Share not shred

EL8888 · 14/02/2020 18:56

How much does he pay for rent / bills etc with you?

EL8888 · 14/02/2020 18:57

@MyuMe lm sure he has some privacy. I’m guessing they don’t share a bed or bedroom?!

supercee · 14/02/2020 18:58

'Unwelcome emissions' - brilliant 😂

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 14/02/2020 19:08

He also stated that he pays towards the rent and should have a say over the situation!

I would turn that right back around. My response to that would be 'oh gosh you are right, we should both have a say in who is in this house. So as your gf doesn't pay rent and I am ill she won't be coming at all'
He then gets a choice to have respect and grow up or not to see his gf tonight at the house!

CakeandCustard28 · 14/02/2020 19:16

YANBU. Time him to move out.

Skinfulnappies46 · 14/02/2020 19:17

Time for him to move out

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/02/2020 19:17

Those saying he's "disappointed"...well, yeah of course he is. But part of being a grown up is that sometimes you keep your disappointment to yourself in the interests of others feelings. I think that by the age of 20 he should have learned, at the very least, how to deal with disappointment without resorting to throwing a spectacular tantrum. Calling his DM "selfish", "going mad" at her and accusing her of getting ill "just to annoy him", actually going as far as to tell her he has a right to insist she vacate her own home, ill or not, because he contributes financially to the running of the house, while showing absolutely no concern or sympathy for the fact that she's unwell...come on. Surely that is beyond a normal, age appropriate reaction to being "disappointed".

It betrays a lack of respect for OP and a very ego-centric view of the world. I don't subscribe to the view of some MNers that DC should all be booted out the second they turn 18 for their own good. But in this case, it sounds as though this is a young man who doesn't appreciate his DM's continued support and I would not be spoken to like that by another adult in my own home more than once.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 14/02/2020 19:18

He could always offer for you to go to a local hotel, all expenses paid, if he really wants to - he needs to sweeten the deal, not throw a wobbly.

emmcan · 14/02/2020 19:22

20 years old? Off you go, son.
Don't let the door hit you on your entitled arse on the way out...

carly2803 · 14/02/2020 19:25

wow hes being VERY unreasonable

we have all been there,living at home wanting a quiet house etc - but it isyour house not his!

he might pay rent but his name isnt on the deeds are they?

time for him to move out!!

dudsville · 14/02/2020 19:27

That's so funny. If he was a flat mate I could understand, but he's your son. It's your accommodation. He has too deal.

Anurulz · 14/02/2020 19:34

Lack of empathy when you are unwell.. such entitlement.. I say time for him to get his own place and face the real world.

MarchDaffs · 14/02/2020 19:38

Love to see him try this if he had a flatmate in an ordinary houseshare!

Microwaveableteapot · 14/02/2020 19:41

@RightestPersonOnMN

"It's because of people like you that today's youngsters are self entitled snowflakes."

I mean... You've raised him, if there's something wrong with him that's on you, surely?

And to all those taking the piss out of 20 year old still living at home (which is pretty standard these days), don't you have any sneering to do at OP who doesn't even own her own home despite being old enough to have an adult son?

You both sound dreadful tbh.

Interestedwoman · 14/02/2020 19:54

IDK how anyone can say YABU. Confused

TheWordmeister · 14/02/2020 19:56

He is being unreasonable, but remember what it was like to be 20 and consumed with passion!

I'd offer to pay for a hotel tbh.

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