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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son says I've ruined Valentine's Day!

222 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 17:18

Hi all
I was supposed to visit my partner who lives a 3 hour train journey away this weekend, but I've been unwell and called him this morning to say that I won't be going. I then went to tell my 20 yr old Son (who lives with me) that I'm staying home this weekend and he's gone mad!!
He says I've ruined Valentine's Day for him and his girlfriend, that they wanted the flat to themselves and that I'm selfish and I'm staying home 'just to annoy him!'. He also stated that he pays towards the rent and should have a say over the situation! I said I think if that's how he feels, maybe he should start looking for his own place, as I won't be bullied out of my own home, especially when I'm feeling so unwell.
I told him that for MANY Valentine's Days I've not been able to have a romantic one because I've had 2 children at home, and that he's being silly and selfish. I said if it means that much to him that he should book a hotel for the night. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

ClappyFlappy · 15/02/2020 10:28

Totally agree @Hugtheduggee

OP’s son shouldn’t have spoken to her in that way but OP doesn’t sound the most pleasant either. I wouldn’t mind betting there was part of her that felt a bit gleeful that his plans were fucked up.

Cherrysoup · 15/02/2020 10:34

Some of the responses on here are absolutely batshit! OP should apologise for being unwell and staying in her own home? She should let him have the place to himself? There’s no way my parents would have dreamed of giving me the place alone so I could have sex with a bf! It’s their house, not mine and I was there by their grace.

Whilst he’s in her house, her rules and reasonable actions prevail. Snowflakes indeed. I see this so often with the children I teach, it makes me wonder how they’re going to cope with adversity in real life.

MimiLaRue · 15/02/2020 11:11

OP should apologise for being unwell and staying in her own home? She should let him have the place to himself? There’s no way my parents would have dreamed of giving me the place alone so I could have sex with a bf! It’s their house, not mine and I was there by their grace

Seriously. I am chuckling at such ridiculous responses. OP said her son only pays a minimal amount towards household bills, not full rent and board either so this idea that they are essentially "flat mates" is utter rubbish. Ive never shared a flat with anyone where I paid only 20% of all the bills/rent and they paid the lions share and then apologised to me when they were unwell and stayed in. What absolute rubbish.

If you live in your parents house, then you accept that they will you know....live there lol Yes, its disappointing as he wanted time alone with his girlfriend but thats life isn't it? we dont always get what we bloody want. I'm sure the OP didnt want to be laid low with a virus all this week but it still happened. I'm not surprised at all that some teens (not all, but some) these days are so fcking entitled if their parents are apologising and grovelling to them when theyre living practically rent free at home. Unbelievable.

Willow2017 · 15/02/2020 11:40

I wouldn't mind betting there was a part of her that felt a bit gleeful that his plans were fucked up.

What a nasty thing to say! Op had her own plans that had to be abandoned as she was ill. Why on earth would she be gleeful.about spoiling her sons plans?. You have a really vivid vile imagination regarding other peoples feelings. Maybe you were putting yourself in her place?

LizzieBananas · 15/02/2020 12:09

Saying you have been ill all week and already cancelled plans is a bit of a drip feed.

You two both need to communicate better.

ddraigygoch · 15/02/2020 12:11

She really doesn't. She decided to stay in her own home. Nothing really needs to be said.

AlexaAmbidextra · 15/02/2020 12:21

You did ruin his Valentine's Day. I don't know why you're pretending you didn't and he should be grateful he has a roof over his head. You could at least acknowledge he's disappointed and that now both him and his gf are going to have a rubbish Valentine's because you're ill and gatecrashing it. You didn't do it on purpose but the end result is the same.

Rubbish Valentines my arse. They aren’t being tortured with red hot needles ffs. Jesus. Do people really pander to their adult children like some of the posts on here imply? If so it explains a great deal.

dontgobaconmyheart · 15/02/2020 12:24

Imagine being 20 years old and planning a valentines day at your mums house, then having a tantrum and behaving like a rude dick to your own mother when she is no longer facilitating it- wow .

I wouldnt worry OP, you've not ruined much have you, an M&S meal and some shagging in someones childhood bedroom- I'm surprised his DP was even interested. They could have booked a hotel. Time to request full rent or ask him to leave, then he can do what he likes. He's 20, not 16.

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 15/02/2020 12:35

Amazing how the narrative has changed from the OP being Ill to go out to she did it on purpose to spite her son. Bizzare

justasking111 · 15/02/2020 12:35

There are a lot of kids posting who cannot see your point OP. Half term grumbles.

Willow2017 · 15/02/2020 12:36

Saying you have been ill all week and already cancelled plans is a bit of a drip feed
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Saying something in your first post is drip feeding? Who knew?

I was supposed to visit my partner who lives a 3 hour train journey away this weekend, but I've been unwell and called him this morning to say that I won't be going

Which part of that didn't you understsnd?

LizzieBananas · 15/02/2020 15:28

There's a difference between "I've been unwell" (which could be just a bit sniffly) and "I have not been fit to leave the house since at least Wednesday"

I've been in a long-distance relationship and I still visited when ill.

ddraigygoch · 15/02/2020 15:31

It's the OPs home. She is free to come and go as she pleases. She does not need to run it past her resident child.

billy1966 · 15/02/2020 16:06

OP, I can believe how selfish you are to pick up a virus and to be sooooo sick all week.

The week of Valentine's day!!!! You really should be ashamed of yourself.

What type of mother catches a viral infection the week of Valentines Day and screws with her son's plans

Dear oh dear.

Shit happens!

I'm glad he apologised.....I would be seriously unimpressed if he hadn't.

I hope you feel better soon OP

Queenofeverything44 · 15/02/2020 16:29

While I get that he's a tad miffed that his plans are ruined but ffs his mother is ill and her plans are ruined as well. Its not his home and although he may contribute he's not in charge. He sounds like a selfish little twerp. He also needs his own place or book a hotel. Rude child

yikesanotherbooboo · 15/02/2020 16:36

OP I have complete sympathy with you; Ill or not it is your home. I would be really disappointed in one of my DSes if they behaved in such an entitled manner. He needs to sort his priorities a bit.

Willow2017 · 15/02/2020 17:11

I've been in a long-distance relationship and I still visited when ill.

That must have been nice for them? Hope you didnt pass on your germs so they ended up ill too? Why on earth would you do that?

Well anyway as you are not op and she has been feeling ill enough to be off work all week and is not fit enough to travel 3 hrs to her dps, it matters not a jot what you would have done.

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 15/02/2020 17:41

@Willow2017 Thank you and all the other lovely posters who seem just as incredulous as I am when reading some of these responses.

The disagreement is all forgotten about now. My Son (who is neither a prick nor a twat, nor a dick, or any of the other nasty names that some posters have chosen to call him here) has apologised for his selfish attitute yesterday and he, myself and his girlfriend have all just eaten takeaway pizza together and had a right good chatter and laugh together.

My Son was out of order yesterday, he knows he was. I only joined Mumsnet last week but have quickly come to realise that there are lots of nasty minded, troll-ish, keyboard warriors on here. If a weaker minded person than myself came on here genuinely seeking advice, I believe that some of these awful people could really do damage to a person's state of mind.
I really hope that some of the people who've replied to my post read this and think about how badly they've behaved. We're all adults here. If you have nothing constructive or helpful to add to a conversation, then please refrain from expelling your verbal diarrhoea just in order to upset and offend. That really says more about you than it does about anybody else!
Once again, thank you to the MASSIVE percentage of posters who were helpful and supportive. I already knew I wasn't being unreasonable in this situation, coming here just verified how I already felt.

OP posts:

Willow2017 · 15/02/2020 18:18

DollyDayDream70
Welcome to MN.
Unfortunately thats MN for you! Its not called a nest of vipers for nothing
But if you hang around you will find that there are a lot more supportive and generally nice people on here than horrid ones. It really is great for advice and support when its needed and a lot of laughs too. You just had the misfortune to meet a few that cant help but blame the op for anything they post about, it must make them feel better about themselves.

Glad you all had a nice time together. My eldest teen comes out with some crap like that sometimes and he gets told where to go with his attitude (and the alternatives ) and I get an apology later too. Sometimes they just need a reality check.

LizzieBananas · 15/02/2020 21:59

Glad you and your son are getting along and made something out of this weekend.

ClappyFlappy · 16/02/2020 18:53

I did vote you were NBU. Of course it’s reasonable you cancelled your plans and stayed home and your son would just have to suck it up.

But your “my names on the tenancy agreement and I’m entitled to do what I like” snottiness and felling him to move out made you appear very unpleasant. You appeared to have no understanding whatsoever that your son might have been disappointed and if you did you didn’t seem to give a fuck. We all have to learn to cope when things don’t go our way but you can actually still act like a decent person when you have to deliver such news. I can’t see me having that kind of attitude towards my kids as young adults just starting out in life and if that makes means I am raising “entitled snowflakes” in your eyes I’m not bothered.

While it’s not acceptable for him to have spoken to you as he did (and I note you apologised) you probably didn’t help the situation with your approach.

I hope you both had an alright weekend anyway and that you feel better soon.

ClappyFlappy · 16/02/2020 18:56

Meaning your attitude to not only your son but also to other posters who had the temerity to disagree with you. Perhaps if all you want is validation that you’re right and no one should disagree with you AIBU might not have been the best place to post

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