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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son says I've ruined Valentine's Day!

222 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 17:18

Hi all
I was supposed to visit my partner who lives a 3 hour train journey away this weekend, but I've been unwell and called him this morning to say that I won't be going. I then went to tell my 20 yr old Son (who lives with me) that I'm staying home this weekend and he's gone mad!!
He says I've ruined Valentine's Day for him and his girlfriend, that they wanted the flat to themselves and that I'm selfish and I'm staying home 'just to annoy him!'. He also stated that he pays towards the rent and should have a say over the situation! I said I think if that's how he feels, maybe he should start looking for his own place, as I won't be bullied out of my own home, especially when I'm feeling so unwell.
I told him that for MANY Valentine's Days I've not been able to have a romantic one because I've had 2 children at home, and that he's being silly and selfish. I said if it means that much to him that he should book a hotel for the night. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MargaretChristopher · 14/02/2020 19:57

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Atthebottomofthegarden · 14/02/2020 19:58

He is NBU to feel disappointed.

He is BVVU to tell you that, especially so rudely! Cheeky git!

SunshineCake · 14/02/2020 19:58

Well you've got two choices really, hand him the money for a night in a hotel (I think there are some for as cheap as £10 in certain parts of London......

Why should the OP give him money ?Hmm. Maybe if he had asked nicely about having house to himself or asking to borrow hotel money.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/02/2020 20:00

Aww, I do feel quite sorry for him and his lovely plans, that must be so disappointing... but, not really, since he spoke to you like that.

TooLittleTooLate80 · 14/02/2020 20:04

Definitely unreasonable in the way he spoke to you although as usual the "he shouldn't be at home at 20" gang are embrassing themselves.

idontlike789 · 14/02/2020 20:05

I actually think he's not completely unreasonable, he was looking forward to having the house to himself as I would be if say my dh and kids had gone out but he was out of order the way he reacted .
Did you really need to cancel on Valentine's Day wasn't your partner disappointed ?

Redwoodmaz · 14/02/2020 20:05

Tell him to piss off!!!!

DrivingMsCrazy · 14/02/2020 20:12

For all those throwing the term "snowflake" around ...

Son says I've ruined Valentine's Day!
GetawayfromthatWelshtart · 14/02/2020 20:12

Bloody hell OP! You poor ill thing!

When I was a young lass and I lived at home I still managed to have valentines and whole weekends with my boyfriend (now DP) in a house with my mum, dad and sister (and pets including a large dog that would want in my room!) and we still managed to have sexee times.

We just retired to my room for the evening and one of us would cook or we would order in. Hell my mum liked him so much she would even cooked for us sometimes.

Perhaps he was planning to bend her over backwards over the hostess trolley or was hoping for a spanking with a rolled up radio times in the front room whilst watching the news? Grin

BlueJava · 14/02/2020 20:27

I have a different view from most PPs. I'd say I understood and I will lie low in my room and not venture out for the night!

UglyMisters · 14/02/2020 20:30

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strawberry2017 · 14/02/2020 20:38

I'm sure you would rather be enjoying Valentine's Day then been poorly.
He's behaved like a dick but it sounds like it's because he's clearly thinking with his!
He owes you an apology x

ADJ1151 · 14/02/2020 20:41

Tell him to book a hotel!

He’s being completely unreasonable. He may be a little annoyed and disappointed that his plans of a weekend ‘alone’ with his girlfriend haven’t gone to plan but you are unwell, it’s your house, your rules!

Frownette · 14/02/2020 20:48

When you're ill, you're ill.

I don't abandon my bed at all if I'm poorly.

What's he up to now? Why can't he stay at girlfriend's?

GetawayfromthatWelshtart · 14/02/2020 20:50

but it sounds like this is not only a HUGE disappointment for him but the latest in a series of frustrations for him with regards to you?

OPs son? Is that you?

If he is that frustrated at having to house share with another human being who is their mother then perhaps he can move out as it is the OPs home not his.

Living with other people takes this word called "compromise" and when he steps out of the comforts of the family home into the big wide world, unless he is earning enough to have a place all to himself he is going to be in for a shit load of shock as he may have to house or flat share with total strangers who will not give a flying fuck what he wants to do or his plans.

When you told him you'd be at home for the weekend, did it include an apology at all for spoiling his plans?

Why should an ill adult have to say sorry to another adult for needing to stay in their own home to get well as they are too ill to travel.

The son could just go out for a romantic meal and evening out and then hole up in his room like normal people rather than having a go at someone who is unwell.

Plans get ruined, so what. He isn't a spoilt 10 yr old who was told that mummy is too ill to take him to see Star Wars he has been waiting to see all year, he is a 20 year old adult and needs to get a grip otherwise he will not have a girlfriend for very long if he has a go at someone every time something doesn't go to plan.

InspiralCoalescenceRingdown · 14/02/2020 20:54

@Microwaveableteapot spot on.

I think the OP's son is clearly in the wrong. One pp disagreed (respectfully, even) and OP throws a hissy fit and attacks them.

If you're that thin skinned OP, maybe it's best not to talk about other people being snowflakes.

EKGEMS · 14/02/2020 20:55

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ddl1 · 14/02/2020 20:57

YANBU. He's acting like a spoilt brat (especially as your change of plans was due to illness). Hopefully he'll grow out of it.

AnneOfTeenFables · 14/02/2020 21:02

You did ruin his Valentine's Day. I don't know why you're pretending you didn't and he should be grateful he has a roof over his head. You could at least acknowledge he's disappointed and that now both him and his gf are going to have a rubbish Valentine's because you're ill and gatecrashing it. You didn't do it on purpose but the end result is the same.

UglyMisters · 14/02/2020 21:02

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 14/02/2020 21:04

Of course everyone here saying that it’s time for him to get his own place has no kids over the age of 18 in their home because they kicked them all out the second they came of age to go and live independently in all those easily affordable flats full of free furniture, appliances and no bills. And they’re all doing brilliantly.
Or some shit like that.

Fuck sake people do talk some crap on here.

Original poster
DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 21:05

@idontlike789 Did you actually read my post? I'm unwell. I have been off work for a week with a virus. It has left me feeling exhausted and still unwell... Yes, I did have to cancel.. If I didn't have to cancel I wouldn't have written this post.

OP posts:
UglyMisters · 14/02/2020 21:14

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diddl · 14/02/2020 21:14

"When you told him you'd be at home for the weekend, did it include an apology at all for spoiling his plans?"

With Op having been ill all week-that might have been a bloody clue that she could possibly still be in her own house tonight!

Original poster
DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 21:19

I would just like to add that when I was 20 I left home and moved in with my then boyfriend, partly because my Dad had rules such as 'No boyfriends or girlfriends are allowed upstairs'. I paid keep to my parents in order to have a roof over my head, but I would never have expected them to vacate their home so that I could have a 'date night', and I would be highly amused to know how my parents would've reacted if I'd have even mentioned it.

Also, my Son had not mentioned before this morning that he had any special plans for Valentines day. The first I knew of it was when he kicked off this morning because I told him I was staying home this weekend. My Son is fully aware that I've been ill this week, and that I cancelled plans with a friend on Wednesday night because of it.
I actually think it's crazy that some people think I'm out of order for being ill and deciding to stay in my own home because of it. I posted here for intelligent responses, many of which I have got, but a lot of the arguments against my post are coming across as a bit troll-ish. I think some people are just looking for an argument. Surely no one can actually believe that a grown woman who pays rent and bills should vacate her home so that her Son can have a shag on Valentines Day?

OP posts: