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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son says I've ruined Valentine's Day!

222 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 17:18

Hi all
I was supposed to visit my partner who lives a 3 hour train journey away this weekend, but I've been unwell and called him this morning to say that I won't be going. I then went to tell my 20 yr old Son (who lives with me) that I'm staying home this weekend and he's gone mad!!
He says I've ruined Valentine's Day for him and his girlfriend, that they wanted the flat to themselves and that I'm selfish and I'm staying home 'just to annoy him!'. He also stated that he pays towards the rent and should have a say over the situation! I said I think if that's how he feels, maybe he should start looking for his own place, as I won't be bullied out of my own home, especially when I'm feeling so unwell.
I told him that for MANY Valentine's Days I've not been able to have a romantic one because I've had 2 children at home, and that he's being silly and selfish. I said if it means that much to him that he should book a hotel for the night. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 18:08

@justasking111 That last msg was to you, forgot to tag you!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/02/2020 18:08

I'd be telling him it's good you'll be home this weekend because you'll be able to help him pack. Selfish little prick.

katy1213 · 14/02/2020 18:09

Well, his cheapest option now is a single red rose and the Travelodge - looks a bit premeditated but if she's up for it, might work for him. Hope they're not booked out!
Hope you're winding him up about it!
On the plus side, maybe he's changed his sheets without being asked?

Mothership4two · 14/02/2020 18:10

YABU - he's made plans based on what you told him. Let him have three place to himself.

Yes you are sooo selfish Dolly for being ill and for not psychically predicting that you would have to stay home. Now that you are too ill to go away for a nice weekend, just go and wander the streets for a few hours so that your son can get his leg over.

Your son made some prattish comments... and he is not the only one!

Nancydrawn · 14/02/2020 18:10

Boy do I hate the term snowflakes.

Nancydrawn · 14/02/2020 18:10

(Doesn't mean he isn't being a twerp.)

GruciusMalfoy · 14/02/2020 18:14

You've ruined his plans for Shagfest 2020!

(Hope you're feeling better soon.)

Berrymuch · 14/02/2020 18:15

If he wants to guarantee time alone he needs to rent somewhere himself, i am sure there are times when you wouldn't mind the place to yourself as well.

LittlePaintBox · 14/02/2020 18:19

He'll have to postpone his 'special night', just like you're having to do!

SpaceCadet4000 · 14/02/2020 18:19

You're right OP.

On a wider note, all the generalisations around younger generations being snowflakes is so tedious. For every younger person doing something like this there is an older person making cat bum face over married women using Ms or another non-issue. We all have our foibles.

MimiLaRue · 14/02/2020 18:20

I'd be ashamed if my son was so bloody rude and disrespectful to me in my house and i'd be telling him to find his own place. How bloody dare he say that to you in your own house. He needs taking down a peg or two.

Sickofrain · 14/02/2020 18:22

He's being a pratt but he is disappointed and you have changed your plans. I know you are unwell (though sound quite feisty with it), but a little kindness towards someone v young (I vaguely remember love/ sex seeming v important at that age)?

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 14/02/2020 18:22

Is anyone really that pathetic about Valentine's Day? Your house, you are unwell and he wants you to get out of the way?? Lovely!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/02/2020 18:24

It's fine for him to says he's a bit disappointed as they'd made plans but if you're too sick to travel he'll just have to get over it. Perhaps he will book the Travel Lodge and you'll get to recover in peace.

BlokeTarget · 14/02/2020 18:25

Ungrateful shit.

Pack his bags and throw him out the entitled prick!

iklboo · 14/02/2020 18:25

You've got to come out of your room like Marsha from Spaced Grin

Son says I've ruined Valentine's Day!
85notout · 14/02/2020 18:29

Well you've got two choices really, hand him the money for a night in a hotel (I think there are some for as cheap as £10 in certain parts of London......which will be full of action if not romantic love) or tell him he's being a CF and that he can go ahead with his plans with his GF but that you will be getting your DP to stay over and plan on working your way through the Joy of Sex and does he want to borrow it to see if he likes any of the ideas.

mathanxiety · 14/02/2020 18:33

He 'contributes' toward the rent.

Diddums.

YasssKween · 14/02/2020 18:34

Oh dear he'll be embarrassed about this in a few years!

Remind him what the market rate would be for a room at yours if he wasn't family and then tell him if he can afford out permanently as it's so unbearable, he can afford to pay for a hotel for them for the night!

I say that, I'd laugh more than anything knowing he will cringe at this in years to come!

Ask him to buy you some earplugs so they can shag as much as they want without imposing Grin

Jokes aside I get why as a 20 year old with rare free reign on a home he's disappointed I really do but he's being silly, knows it's not actually your fault and hopefully he'll stop being stroppy soon.

Mothership4two · 14/02/2020 18:34

My son is the same age and I would be furious if he spoke to me like that. I hope your son has a think about what he said and apologises to you. I would be mightily temped to bring up his comments when the girlfriend is over sometime and watch him cringe - but maybe that's just me Grin

He wouldn't have acted that way to a flatmate (unless he is total knob) in the same situation. The only way he's got around it is to move in somewhere on his own or with gf. If he can't do that, then he has just got to suck it up.

My Dad was the same OP, my partner (now dh) and I weren't allowed to share a bedroom at my parent's until I was in my late 20's and we had been living together for a few years by then!

ScarlettBlaize · 14/02/2020 18:36

It's time for him to move out OP. One of my siblings is still at home aged 36, nearly 37. I wish my mum had stood up to her when she was an entitled cow at the age of 20, because she's fucked for life now.

AlexaAmbidextra · 14/02/2020 18:37

YABU - he's made plans based on what you told him. Let him have three place to himself.

Ffs. So that makes it ok for the selfish little shit to abuse his mother does it? What low standards you have.

Wickedwitchofthewest789 · 14/02/2020 18:37

Those hating the term snowflakes are the ones bringing them up!

Mothership4two · 14/02/2020 18:39

@SpaceCadet4000

Felt same way as you about Miss/Ms/Mrs/Dr post

MummytoCSJH · 14/02/2020 18:39

I can see both sides of this. He ha sbeen completely U in regards to how he's reacted and you didn't deserve that, you can't help being ill, not to mention that you would love to be out having a lovely time too. At the same time people love to say 'he should get his own place's 'he's an adult now' - he's paying rent to live somewhere (whether it's with parents, in a house share, or alone, presumably he's paying a fair share and if not that's your problem to deal with) and as a pp said, made plans based on what he thought was going on. He's allowed to be frustrated that the plan has changed. That doesn't mean you're wrong for staying in your home of course, but it is his home too... people are acting as though it isn't.