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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son says I've ruined Valentine's Day!

222 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 17:18

Hi all
I was supposed to visit my partner who lives a 3 hour train journey away this weekend, but I've been unwell and called him this morning to say that I won't be going. I then went to tell my 20 yr old Son (who lives with me) that I'm staying home this weekend and he's gone mad!!
He says I've ruined Valentine's Day for him and his girlfriend, that they wanted the flat to themselves and that I'm selfish and I'm staying home 'just to annoy him!'. He also stated that he pays towards the rent and should have a say over the situation! I said I think if that's how he feels, maybe he should start looking for his own place, as I won't be bullied out of my own home, especially when I'm feeling so unwell.
I told him that for MANY Valentine's Days I've not been able to have a romantic one because I've had 2 children at home, and that he's being silly and selfish. I said if it means that much to him that he should book a hotel for the night. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
onceandneveragain · 14/02/2020 22:59

Myume....if he was in a flat share do you think the other occupants would be fine to clear out when he tells them to, or with being shouted at if their plans change? Doubt it!

Pictish...maybe most 18 year olds (although ops son is 20 so could feasibly have been working for a good four years by now) can't afford to rent a flat but they can afford a houseshare....you know like the vast majority of uni students younger than him manage to fund? Obviously don't know the sons details but working full time, even on minimum wage is more than the maximum student living loan, and he could reduce the cost by half if he shared with his girlfriend. Might be tight but if he doesn't like the cushy option he's got now it's always an option....

EL8888 · 14/02/2020 22:59

@DollyDaydream70 glad he’s apologised. You were definitely in the right. I spent my 20’s in random house shares. To demand or expect a house / flat to myself on Valentine’s Day was ridiculous l am afraid

ddraigygoch · 14/02/2020 22:59

I just saw your update. I retract my comment.
It's nice he apologised.

AnneOfTeenFables · 14/02/2020 23:00

One of those weird MN anomalies. When they're teens, you read books, you acknowledge their emotions and disappointments. Then suddenly a flick switches and any sign of negative emotion, you tell them to move out. I'm glad I don't know such emotionally incontinent parents in RL.

user1473878824 · 14/02/2020 23:01

Oh to be 20 again and actually want to do that much shagging you need a whole flat!

ddl1 · 14/02/2020 23:06

Glad to hear he's apologized. People shouldn't take their moods out on all and sundry, but he's at an age where they usually do! Nice update, anyway!

EL8888 · 14/02/2020 23:10

@user1473878824 yeah that’s fine but get your own flat to do it in!

maybelou · 14/02/2020 23:10

i'm honestly shocked at the way people in here are talking so nastily about a twenty year old, he's barely more than a kid?!

ddraigygoch · 14/02/2020 23:15

He's far to old to be speaking to his mother in such a disgusting manner in her own home when she is ill.

If he were a husband. And spoke to his wife like that people on here would be shouting abuse. He is old enough to control his temper.

NoProblem123 · 14/02/2020 23:48

Haha he was getting some and you ruined it!
Selfish woman being ill, in your own home.

EL8888 · 14/02/2020 23:53

@maybelou well, why is he doing his big man attitude then?! She’s ill and he’s being selfish. At the age of 20 he needs to grow up

PineappleCocktail · 14/02/2020 23:59

'i'm honestly shocked at the way people in here are talking so nastily about a twenty year old, he's barely more than a kid?'

Oh get away, I wouldn't let my 3 year old shout at me like that. He needs to grow up.

GabsAlot · 15/02/2020 00:09

tell him to shutup little brat

contributes to the rent so he bloody should-still dont give you a say

NameChangeNugget · 15/02/2020 00:13

At 20, he needs to be standing on his own two feet.

Hope you feel better OP

Tillygetsit · 15/02/2020 00:20

You most definitely are NBU. Selfish uncaring little sod!

JudyCoolibar · 15/02/2020 00:24

It's because of people like you that today's youngsters are self entitled snowflakes.

Given that it's your son who's being a self-entitled snowflake, OP, I'd suggest caution before accusing other people.

PineappleCocktail · 15/02/2020 00:36

'Surely no one can actually believe that a grown woman who pays rent and bills should vacate her home so that her Son can have a shag on Valentines Day?'

Well clearly your son does so it can't be that unbelievable...

lowlandLucky · 15/02/2020 00:50

Door Foot Arse

Mothership4two · 15/02/2020 01:14

Did you really need to cancel on Valentine's Day wasn't your partner disappointed ?

Yes she did, as the OP said in her opening post, she isn't well. I am sure both she and her partner are disappointed

PerkyPomPoms · 15/02/2020 01:32

Valentines Day is just a day. There’s so much hype it’s ridiculous, but I am sure Op and her Dh can manage a romantic weekend together once she’s well.

Willow2017 · 15/02/2020 01:48

Flatsharers don't claim dibs on a They share it equally. You're right that OP isn't viewing it as a flatshare - I'm saying that maybe she should.

Well i never said op saw it as a flatshare you did.

And no they do not share the house equally what a ridiculous suggestion.

She owns the house he pays a nominal sum towards his keep hardly equal rights.

And no he has no right to expect his ill mum to leave the house for a weekend. He has no right to demand she leaves at any time tbh.

Of course op is pissed off some of the responses have been crazy. Blaming her for ruining something she didnt know about.

Not dragging herself out for a weekend of misery to suit her son.
Not apologising- how do you know shd didnt start to say sorry but her son threw a strop before she could?

Did anyone stop to think op and her dp are upset to be missing thier weekend?

And if you are gonna keep attacking an op then maybe, just maybe read
all her posts before continuing and making things up to suit yourself?
Some people just like to argue for the sake of it on here.

Mothership4two · 15/02/2020 01:57

Having to live with others (parents or housemates) for whatever reason is not an excuse to be rude. If anything it's all the more reason to act reasonably

Mothership4two · 15/02/2020 01:59

Well done on raising such a dick, OP!

He might not be one, but he did act like one. He is a grown man. It's not his mother's fault he acted unreasonably.

Mothership4two · 15/02/2020 02:00

No-one said you were out of order for being ill

But

You did ruin his Valentine's Day. I don't know why you're pretending you didn't... now both him and his gf are going to have a rubbish Valentine's because you're ill

Pretty much sounds like it!

TeddybearBaby · 15/02/2020 04:56

Voted YANBU. Since reading the thread I’m beginning feel sorry for the son 😂. UglyMisters was spot on.