It's a difficult one.
I would also naturally want to date someone in a similar financial position. It's easy being able to suggest things you want to do, because you can afford to split it down the middle or take it in turns, knowing you're not putting undue financial pressure on the other person, or always compromising and doing cheaper things that actually don't appeal. No one likes being taken advantage of, either.
I couldn't be with someone who earned less money than me due to never trying to better himself - it's the lack of drive that is unattractive, rather than the lack of money. Nursing puts a different spin on it - it's a noble, respectable profession that just so happens to be underpaid no matter how much effort you put in. I guess I would date a nurse knowing that he would never earn as much as me, because it wouldn't be for lack of ambition, and he would probably come with a set of ethics I would admire. I could compromise there.
What wouldn't sit easy with me - and this is the bit you appear to also be struggling with - is never offering to pay. You're right, it is about the token gestures. When I date, I want the other person to treat me from time to time, even if that's as cheap as a 99p filter coffee. It's the gesture, rather than the amount. And unless I've explicitly said, 'I really want to go to this place, so it's my treat', I fully expect my date to come ready to pay at least 50%, even if I don't intend on letting my date pay.
Does the reverse make a difference?
Some women have very old-fashioned attitudes and expect to be treated all the time, based on observed behaviour. I might make allowances for her just having shitty role models rather than being a gold digger, but I'd still need her to change and frankly, get with the times. It's nice to be treated if you're the lower earner, but you need to have some respect for yourself and not allow someone else to pay your way all the time. If she is genuinely broke, she should be taking turns to organise dates and suggesting something free/low-cost so she is at least showing 50% of the effort, even if she can't put up 50% of the funds. Not only are you always stumping up all the cash, you're making all the effort. What are you getting out of this relationship?
Her behaviour isn't sustainable because it's making you feel taken for granted/a walking piggy bank, and that will just end up eating you up eventually. I think you're right to question the lack of token gestures - whichever scenario is true, male or female.