Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH being a knob??

214 replies

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:15

I had some relatively minor surgery today under GA. DH offered to drive me to the hospital early this morning. He got up about 40 minutes before I was due at the hospital and fannied around on the loo for 20 minutes meaning I had to call him several times to say we needed to leave. We then had another ten minutes delay while he de-iced the car which meant I was almost late. He was then annoyed that I was tetchy and not grateful enough that he was taking me. If I’d got the cab I’d wanted to get I’d have had a lot less stress!

Anyway he came to pick me up after the surgery and then proceeds to have me sat in the car for an hour while he runs errands. I have been bleeding continuously since my op and sitting in a car park waiting for him was not what I had in mind when I got discharged. He has been home all day so why on earth he didn’t do his errands then I’ve no idea. He then picks up McDonalds for dinner because he can’t be bothered to cook. I don’t like it as a rule but ok fine. It’s freezing cold once we get back so needs reheating. He proceeds to start reheating his own and gets shirty when I take his out to sort the ( young) kids food out first. Apparently “ nothing works without me”... which I take to mean he thinks he is the most important person?? Anyway I sort the kids, wait for him to hear his food and then heat my own. I kind of expected he might sort the kids and mine since I’m just out of hospital but nope. After eating I come up to bed as I’m feeling really wiped out. He then asks me to run the kids bath. I told him no but it’s really pissed me off. Now maybe I’m overreacting but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this stuff and I should be resting??

I know these are probably minor but it’s indicative of how he always is. I will probably get diggy little comments all weekend if I’m not back up and on my feet as usual in the morning.

OP posts:
theseriousmoonlight · 07/02/2020 18:18

He's being a knob.

Formermousemat · 07/02/2020 18:18

I have nothing but sympathy OP. That isn't fair and not the behaviour you should get from a supportive partner.

BonnieSeptember · 07/02/2020 18:20

Nope he's being a nob, not sure what to suggest other than LTB 😁 Hope your surgery went well and you're feeling better soon

10FrozenFingers · 07/02/2020 18:21

Knob

Greenglassteacup · 07/02/2020 18:21

He’s being a knob. Is he always so knobbish?

TheBouquets · 07/02/2020 18:22

Has he no brain at all? Most folks would know to help as much as possible if someone has been in hospital for a day op under GA.
Rest for now and a while longer than you really need and then look carefully to se what he has or has not done and make a judgement from there. He needs a head wobble

HillAreas · 07/02/2020 18:22

He is a knob. A big, massive, horrible veiny one. He must be so proud of himself - what a man, and what a partner. Angry

TrippingOnSunshine · 07/02/2020 18:23

Yep! He's a selfish lazy arsehole alright!

blackcat86 · 07/02/2020 18:23

He's being a dick. Is there a friend or family member who can come and make a big fuss of you tomorrow whilst you rest so he can see how ridiculous he's being. I bet if it was him having an operation he'd want waiting on hand and foot and you'd never hear the end of it.

Teensandfuture · 07/02/2020 18:24

He's awful.

mbosnz · 07/02/2020 18:25

If the positions were reversed, would he be okay with this level of consideration and care from you? I'd be thinking not. . .

Xyzzzzz · 07/02/2020 18:26

Of course he’s a knob. Ask how he would feel if the situation was reversed

MoonGeek · 07/02/2020 18:27

Sorry but your H is awful
Rest and recover as best you can
💐

crochetandshit · 07/02/2020 18:28

There is nothing minor about the way the person who is supposed to love and care for you, has treated you today.

He has behaved appallingly and I am actually really sad for you.

Purpleartichoke · 07/02/2020 18:28

Normal Spouse behavior would be to take you to surgery, keep you company as much as possible, wait while you are in surgery, drive you home and tuck you into bed. Then bring you whatever food you wanted while also taking care of everything in the house.

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:29

Unfortunately I do always find him to be a knob in these situations. Like after my C-Section when I was breastfeeding and he ate his dinner and left mine where the cat could and did get to it. Or the morning of my Dads funeral when he was adamant he simply must go to a DIY store despite the fact doing so would have likely meant being late for the funeral.

He would tell you he is fantastic and I’m a moody ungrateful bitch.

OP posts:
Concestor · 07/02/2020 18:30

He's being a complete arsehole and it would make me reconsider my relationship to be honest. Utterly shitty and selfish behaviour.

paddingtonbearsmarmalade · 07/02/2020 18:30

Today I had a sudden, awful headache come on while I was halfway to work. In the end, I needed to come home as I was in so much pain. My DP happened to not have work today (he’s a supply teacher) so he came and got me from the train station (even though I could have walked the 5 mins home, it just would have taken a very long time given the state I was in!)

He got me home, helped me out of the car, had my water bottle ready for me, made me a tea with sugar in case my headache was related to a sugar drop, sorted out a lavender bag for my neck, got me up to bed, checked the time I’d taken medication in case I forgot, made sure I didn’t need anything to eat & then came back upstairs to wake me up at the time I asked so I didn’t mess up my sleeping patterns. He then helped me down to the sofa to sit with him now the worst of it is over.

I say all this not to show off or rub it in, but to show that’s what a partner should be doing - and if mine can do it for something as minor as a headache, yours ABSOLUTELY should be looking after you after surgery. He’s a knob.

gamerchick · 07/02/2020 18:30

Is there nobody you can go and stay with who will look after you OP? From the sounds of it he'll have to issues buggering off out leaving you with the kids.

When you're well I'd be revaluating the relationship tbh. I couldn't be with someone that selfish.

LettyFisher · 07/02/2020 18:30

I think you're being generous to him calling him a knob. He's a selfish lazy bastard. And if, as you say, he's always like this, why are you with him?

Chottie · 07/02/2020 18:31

OP - your H is very unkind and not a caring person.....

You're the one who has had surgery, but somehow, it's all about him.....

slipperywhensparticus · 07/02/2020 18:31

You might want to leave his fantastic arse

Twuntsrule · 07/02/2020 18:31

Definite knobhead. Feel better! Flowers

Summercamping · 07/02/2020 18:32

Do you think you don't deserve better? Or why do you stay?

theseriousmoonlight · 07/02/2020 18:33

it’s indicative of how he always is

Sorry I was a bit short on my first response. I was so shocked by your post OP. What I should have said is that he is being a knob and you deserve better. You need to rest after a GA and what he has done is actually cruel. Making you sit in a car while bleeding??? Seriously?

Swipe left for the next trending thread