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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH being a knob??

214 replies

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:15

I had some relatively minor surgery today under GA. DH offered to drive me to the hospital early this morning. He got up about 40 minutes before I was due at the hospital and fannied around on the loo for 20 minutes meaning I had to call him several times to say we needed to leave. We then had another ten minutes delay while he de-iced the car which meant I was almost late. He was then annoyed that I was tetchy and not grateful enough that he was taking me. If I’d got the cab I’d wanted to get I’d have had a lot less stress!

Anyway he came to pick me up after the surgery and then proceeds to have me sat in the car for an hour while he runs errands. I have been bleeding continuously since my op and sitting in a car park waiting for him was not what I had in mind when I got discharged. He has been home all day so why on earth he didn’t do his errands then I’ve no idea. He then picks up McDonalds for dinner because he can’t be bothered to cook. I don’t like it as a rule but ok fine. It’s freezing cold once we get back so needs reheating. He proceeds to start reheating his own and gets shirty when I take his out to sort the ( young) kids food out first. Apparently “ nothing works without me”... which I take to mean he thinks he is the most important person?? Anyway I sort the kids, wait for him to hear his food and then heat my own. I kind of expected he might sort the kids and mine since I’m just out of hospital but nope. After eating I come up to bed as I’m feeling really wiped out. He then asks me to run the kids bath. I told him no but it’s really pissed me off. Now maybe I’m overreacting but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this stuff and I should be resting??

I know these are probably minor but it’s indicative of how he always is. I will probably get diggy little comments all weekend if I’m not back up and on my feet as usual in the morning.

OP posts:
Heismyopendoor · 07/02/2020 20:19

Why are you with him?

I had an op last year under ga, my husband and kids (they were all 10 and under at the time!) treated me like a queen! It’s so sad that your DH obviously puts himself first and above you and the kids.

My dh is the kind of guy that when he’s out at 7am leaving for work and de icing his work van, he will de ice my car too if he knows I’m going out. Rather than farting about and leaving things to the last minute, he should have been up early and doing his fair share of sorting the kids etc.

He sounds like a selfish loser.

SlatternIsTrying · 07/02/2020 20:19

He has behaved deplorably.

He is an utter knob.

I hope you feel better soon.

Heismyopendoor · 07/02/2020 20:21

And you mentioned c sections. His behaviour after them was not normal. Imagine leaving your food and letting the cat eat it!! That makes me so mad for you!! I’ve had multiple sections and my DH would cut up my food and feed me as I was sore and had a newborn baby stuck to my boob.

MakeItRain · 07/02/2020 20:21

He's selfish and unkind and he's doing it in purpose to show you who's in control. My ex would do stuff like that. When I needed to go to hospital to have my first baby he decided he just had to have a very long shower before we set off. I almost gave birth on the driveway by the time he decided he was ready. Same with my second baby, when he suddenly decided we needed to do a food shop on the way to hosp. I remember being doubled up over a shopping trolley having massive contractions and gave birth soon after. It's sad to think of what I put up with looking back.

Best thing I ever did was divorce him 🙄

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 07/02/2020 20:23

He's a knob.

SunshineCake · 07/02/2020 20:24

Who said YABU ?!

Thurmanmurman · 07/02/2020 20:29

He's not a knob, a knob is a jokey insult for someone being a bit daft. He's so much more than a knob.

Riddikulusness · 07/02/2020 20:31

“What. A. Wanker.
A horrible, inconsiderate, selfish wanker.
What was he like after you’d given birth/had a new child to look after?“

Sorry I didn’t rtft. He was just as much of wanker then?!
This would have me in tears and not feeling very loved. So sorry for you OP, and your young children Flowers

IdblowJonSnow · 07/02/2020 20:37

Yep he's a knob!
As he's got form I'd LTB. Life is too short. It would better being without a partner than putting up with that.
Hope you feel better soon. Brew

Moooms · 07/02/2020 20:37

Shock my DH wouldn't let me lift a finger if I had had a GA/surgery.

Your H sounds like an awful person.

windycuntryside · 07/02/2020 20:41

He is being a knob , and not a good one, a terribly useless and ugly one

Urkiddingright · 07/02/2020 20:45

He’s a shithead.

Kerning · 07/02/2020 20:45

I find him a lazy, selfish arse the majority of the time.

Imagine this for the next 20 years of your life.

What are your circumstances?

justthecat · 07/02/2020 20:46

Book him in for a vasectomy and let him walk home.

cstaff · 07/02/2020 20:50

@ByeMF
I laughed when I saw your name. Tell me that stands for bye motherfucker. It was the first thing that jumped into my head when I was I saw it Grin

Hassled · 07/02/2020 20:53

He really can't stand it when it's not all about him, can he?
Yes - he's a knob.

Please take it easy this weekend - GAs totally wipe me out and leave me exhausted for a good week.

Cinderemma · 07/02/2020 20:54

He's not a knob. He's worse than a knob.

Corna · 07/02/2020 20:55

Go straight back to bed and stay there unless something actually catches fire. Which it probably will given his uselessness.
Spend the time googling your right in a divorce. Is this the man you want looking after you when you are in your old age and not able to get away? Do you want to look after him when he is old and sick when he behaves like this?

Cherrysoup · 07/02/2020 20:57

He’s a complete wanker, plus he’s gaslighting you. Re-writing history to make you think you’re the unreasonable one. Idiot.

Starlight2004 · 07/02/2020 20:57

Massive knob no question! Tomorrow take yourself off for a nice spa day or at least to a friends for the day and leave him to it. Set off early and leave him a note telling him you need to rest and he is clearly not going to let that happen. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

mig58 · 07/02/2020 20:58

My sister was so ill that she was confined to bed. Her husband bought her a travel kettle so she could make herself some tea. Still doesn't get why I cannot stand him.

Sickandscared · 07/02/2020 20:59

I'm so sorry OP. You should be being taken care of with your feet up right now.

When things have calmed down you need to really assess your relationship and what you are getting from it. This is wrong. If you want to try to salvage things try counselling or some very honest talks.

You should not settle for this. It's not love.

mig58 · 07/02/2020 21:00

Totally agree. Even with autism I can try to emphasise. Get rid if you can.

thequeenoftarts · 07/02/2020 21:00

You would get off scot free for killing him...Just saying. He is a selfish dick of the highest degree

ActualHornist · 07/02/2020 21:03

What an absolute dickhead.

Maybe he does ‘do loads’. But who cares when he can’t even put the person he’s supposed to love most above his wants when they are due to and have just had surgery?!