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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH being a knob??

214 replies

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:15

I had some relatively minor surgery today under GA. DH offered to drive me to the hospital early this morning. He got up about 40 minutes before I was due at the hospital and fannied around on the loo for 20 minutes meaning I had to call him several times to say we needed to leave. We then had another ten minutes delay while he de-iced the car which meant I was almost late. He was then annoyed that I was tetchy and not grateful enough that he was taking me. If I’d got the cab I’d wanted to get I’d have had a lot less stress!

Anyway he came to pick me up after the surgery and then proceeds to have me sat in the car for an hour while he runs errands. I have been bleeding continuously since my op and sitting in a car park waiting for him was not what I had in mind when I got discharged. He has been home all day so why on earth he didn’t do his errands then I’ve no idea. He then picks up McDonalds for dinner because he can’t be bothered to cook. I don’t like it as a rule but ok fine. It’s freezing cold once we get back so needs reheating. He proceeds to start reheating his own and gets shirty when I take his out to sort the ( young) kids food out first. Apparently “ nothing works without me”... which I take to mean he thinks he is the most important person?? Anyway I sort the kids, wait for him to hear his food and then heat my own. I kind of expected he might sort the kids and mine since I’m just out of hospital but nope. After eating I come up to bed as I’m feeling really wiped out. He then asks me to run the kids bath. I told him no but it’s really pissed me off. Now maybe I’m overreacting but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this stuff and I should be resting??

I know these are probably minor but it’s indicative of how he always is. I will probably get diggy little comments all weekend if I’m not back up and on my feet as usual in the morning.

OP posts:
BlokeTarget · 07/02/2020 22:36

@Allcrimps

Spits popcorn out Grin

NotTerfNorCis · 07/02/2020 22:37

Actually he sounds like a selfish teenager to me. That thing about needing to go to a DIY store even though it would have made you late for your dad's funeral. That's the behaviour of someone who is totally fixated on what he needs and wants, and doesn't see anyone else's point of view.

JKScot4 · 07/02/2020 22:42

@Allcrimps
Don’t mince your words there, I like it 🥰
In the bath face down with my foot on his back, just to be sure 😉

WhenPushComesToShove · 07/02/2020 22:49

What a thoughtless twat! You've just had a general anaesthetic for God's sake. Take to your bed immediately and stay there for at least 24hrs. If he has a problem with that tell him to fuck right off. Do not allow him to get you to move for ANYTHING. He's a grown up (supposedly) I'm sure. He can manage. Get well soon

EKGEMS · 07/02/2020 23:11

Allcrimps Don't forget to toss the toaster plugged into his bath water as well

Motoko · 08/02/2020 00:58

You need to ask yourself why you accept this treatment of you. And then decide you're not going to accept it any more, and leave the fucker.

MzHz · 08/02/2020 07:31

Why on earth OP love did you not say to him that you wanted to go home immediately and that the errands would have to wait?

MzHz · 08/02/2020 07:33

And that’s not blaming you at all, it’s being assertive about what you need having been under the GA and cut into.

He sounds as if he resents you not being functional so he has to do stuff and is punishing you for being vulnerable- because he can.

joystir59 · 08/02/2020 07:37

Why do women allow themselves to become servants like this?

Firstawake · 08/02/2020 08:33

Is he jealous of you?
Sounds like he has some issues. Flowers

TroysMammy · 08/02/2020 08:38

Calling him a knob is too mild. You'd have no problem getting a divorce under unreasonable behaviour.

Suanne · 08/02/2020 08:47

Definitely a knob!! Angry

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/02/2020 08:52

Don't forget to toss the toaster plugged into his bath water as well

Good, thoughtful advice EKGEMS. If she's having a long soak he'll need a snack.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/02/2020 08:53

*he's having a long soak - not she's

Sozz

simplekindoflife · 08/02/2020 09:08

Why on earth OP love did you not say to him that you wanted to go home immediately and that the errands would have to wait?

This. Do you have trouble asserting yourself with him? If my DH tried this, I'd quickly put him straight.

You seem passive and downtrodden. Have you always been like this or has he ground you down?

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2020 12:06

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Ace! [Grin]

LettertoHermoine · 08/02/2020 12:10

He's a gickball.

BottleOfJameson · 08/02/2020 12:26

I'd be running a bath to fucking drown him in.

Pretty much this.

Motherclucker01 · 08/02/2020 12:33

You know what the answer is OP, tell him to fuck himself off and screw him in the divorce.

Why are you with a person like him? Do you have issues with your self-esteem and self-worth? You are worth more than this shit you know.

It's not like he is bringing anything to the table is it? You still have to do everything even when freshly out of hospital so honestly you might as well do it on your own anyway.

Wonkydonkey44 · 08/02/2020 12:37

He sounds totally awful , I also think it’s really controlling behaviour. Please leave him Flowers

user14572856389 · 08/02/2020 12:45

He sounds pretty standard for an abuser. It's not normal in a healthy relationship.

You may find it helpful to do the Freedom Programme.

What do you want your kids to learn about relationships and how people who love you behave?

UndomesticHousewife · 08/02/2020 12:47

I would rethink this relationship.
My dh looks after everything when I have a self inflicted hangover and lie in bed most of the day.
You deserve better.

Northernsoulgirl45 · 08/02/2020 12:48

I though my dh was a selfish arse when I had a colonoscopy under sedation and he decided to wfh. He drove me there but upon my return I had to care for baby. The nect day dd1 was going to an activity abd he made sure I had arranged for someone else to drive her as told not to drive for 24 hours. Err not supposed to look aftervyoung kids either but that didn't bother him so much.
The wirse was tgst two months later he booked a days abmnnual leave to go to a hobby convention.

CurrynChips · 08/02/2020 12:53

I recently had minor surgery under GA. I was required to sign saying someone would be with me for 24hrs after (that doesn't mean left in the car alone for an hour) and that I wouldn't operate any machinery including kitchen equipment (risk of burning yourself/setting fire to things if you're not completely with it after the anaesthetic), if I couldn't sign that they wouldn't let me have the operation.

Bringing you straight home, settling you into bed, looking after the kids and supplying you with food and drink is the minimum he should have done.

Sparklycrystals · 08/02/2020 12:58

He’s a selfish knob