Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH being a knob??

214 replies

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:15

I had some relatively minor surgery today under GA. DH offered to drive me to the hospital early this morning. He got up about 40 minutes before I was due at the hospital and fannied around on the loo for 20 minutes meaning I had to call him several times to say we needed to leave. We then had another ten minutes delay while he de-iced the car which meant I was almost late. He was then annoyed that I was tetchy and not grateful enough that he was taking me. If I’d got the cab I’d wanted to get I’d have had a lot less stress!

Anyway he came to pick me up after the surgery and then proceeds to have me sat in the car for an hour while he runs errands. I have been bleeding continuously since my op and sitting in a car park waiting for him was not what I had in mind when I got discharged. He has been home all day so why on earth he didn’t do his errands then I’ve no idea. He then picks up McDonalds for dinner because he can’t be bothered to cook. I don’t like it as a rule but ok fine. It’s freezing cold once we get back so needs reheating. He proceeds to start reheating his own and gets shirty when I take his out to sort the ( young) kids food out first. Apparently “ nothing works without me”... which I take to mean he thinks he is the most important person?? Anyway I sort the kids, wait for him to hear his food and then heat my own. I kind of expected he might sort the kids and mine since I’m just out of hospital but nope. After eating I come up to bed as I’m feeling really wiped out. He then asks me to run the kids bath. I told him no but it’s really pissed me off. Now maybe I’m overreacting but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this stuff and I should be resting??

I know these are probably minor but it’s indicative of how he always is. I will probably get diggy little comments all weekend if I’m not back up and on my feet as usual in the morning.

OP posts:
Pennylane22 · 07/02/2020 19:37

Well now you know Op that it’s not you it’s him. He’s a disgusting horrible uncaring person who couldn’t give a crap about you and tries to convince you he is great. He’s not. You deserve better than this.

JKScot4 · 07/02/2020 19:37

This all sounds familiar to other threads about men who keep everyone waiting whilst they shit, now grass, wash the car; he thinks he’s more important and his time is of more value, despite the tinkly laughing women who thinks it’s his quirk it’s really not,

Men like this are selfish manipulative cunts.
OP you had a GA and he left you sitting in a car and expects you to run after the kids?

What would be happening if it was him who had surgery?

You need to stand your ground with him or chuck the horrible prick out.

Gibble1 · 07/02/2020 19:38

Op, when we discharge people with give them a paper list of instructions and tell them that the heaviest thing they should be doing for the rest of the day is lifting the remote control. We advise everyone of how they will most likely just want to go to bed.
I would recommend you go and get your paperwork, roll it up into a tight tube and poke him in the eye with it.

KidCaneGoat · 07/02/2020 19:38

@Springisintheair20 sorry you’re in this position. It does sound like he’s being more than thoughtless. Like he’s somehow got to make it all about himself. Or cause you stress. The being late on the way to hospital thing made me feel anxious on your behalf. It’s a horrible thing to do to you if he knows you’ve got an important time deadline to be somewhere. He should have got ready extra early just to help cause less stress on the day. And all the other stuff you said too

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/02/2020 19:39

He’s gas lighting you then.

He’s not treating you how he should.

Yestermost · 07/02/2020 19:39

You know you would be happier on your own. Pleasw consider it. My DH is occassionally a nob but most the time he is loving and looks after me (and visa versa).

Dailyjunglegrind · 07/02/2020 19:41

Rest up OP, set up in the bedroom and resist the urge to go to his mercy for help. Order uber eats if you need anything.
Your DH sadly sounds completely self absorbed DH, oblivious to your needs and an appaling lack of respect for your stress and well being.

Tell him bluntly in no uncertain terms to step up or feck off, you deserve alot better than that useless dick.

flopsytheflatcat · 07/02/2020 19:44

First class knob

VisionQuest · 07/02/2020 19:46

First class wanker.

My DH gets on my tits at times but he would never do anything like that.

crystalize · 07/02/2020 19:46

Leave him. He has zero respect and doesn't value you one bit. He feels he is superior. Fucking disgusting behaviour. Get rid of the wanker

LordOfTheWhys · 07/02/2020 19:46

He's horrible. Have you got a friend who can come over tomorrow to look after you? He's probably less of a bully in front of an audience.

PatellarTendonitis · 07/02/2020 19:47

I'm one of those people who springs right back up after GAs. They really have no effect on me after they're reversed, even long ones (I've had two surgeries of 3 hours each). Minor ones I'm up and ready to go in minutes. I had a ERPC and walked from the taxi to the train platform to come home (in our case, we had 3 young children, one with SN and no one to help look after them so DH had to - family all overseas or dead). They did the whole you can't leave alone but actually, they can't stop you and I had no one to help with the kids and didn't want to stay in a ward so I got up and left.

But once I got home DH completely took over for days. I did the same when he had a vasectomy.

This man has contempt for you and sees your jobs as the kids and waiting on him and when you can't he shows how much he hates you for it.

ByeMF · 07/02/2020 19:47

Nasty, cruel behaviour. Is he utterly devoid of empathy?

MadeForThis · 07/02/2020 19:48

Massive uncaring knob

Ellie56 · 07/02/2020 19:51

He is a massive, unadulterated useless knob.

You can do better than him, and you deserve better. Stop putting up with his shit.

GabriellaMontez · 07/02/2020 19:52

I used to be married to a complete knob. Yours sounds possibly, even worse. He didn't change. I decided I deserved better.

UntamedWisteria · 07/02/2020 19:53

Not just a knob but a typical bloke.

FizzyGreenWater · 07/02/2020 19:55

It's when you see nasty twats overreach themselves just that little bit, when you see a flash of just how hard they are working to undermine you, make life difficult, with allll these little things... then you realise they like upsetting you, and the kick it gives them.

Not lazy, not selfish - but nasty. Just that little bit abusive.

Yuk.

Yestermost · 07/02/2020 19:56

@UntamedWisteria you need to raise your expectations. Most men I know are far better to their partners. I once dated a twat like her DH and left after a couple of months as he was a twat!

80skid · 07/02/2020 19:58

I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is so much more important than you and that only you are able to ensure the normal running of a house and children. I'm also sorry to hear that your perception and recall of situations is so often incorrect and that you need your husband's calm, objective and logic to correct you.
In all seriousness OP, I wish you a speedy recovery from your op. I hope that you can spend some time thinking about your relationship, your future happiness and the role model your children have. You and they deserve a different normality, one which has consideration, love and respect in it. Much love xx

CoraPirbright · 07/02/2020 19:58

Sorry OP but your h is not a knob. Not at all. He is far, far, far worse. Knob is mild compared to what I think of your h. Words utterly fail me. It is so so far away from the behaviour of a normal, loving partner. I was thinking of suggesting if there was anyone you could tell - sibling, parent, best mate - who could rip him a new one for how he is treating you but on second thought, I am not at all sure it would do any good.

Christ alive, LTB.

skippyskips · 07/02/2020 19:59

Not just a knob but a typical bloke.

I agree with the knob part, but hate "typical man" bollocks.

Definitely not typical of any man I know.

june2007 · 07/02/2020 20:05

No lets not paint all men with the same colours.

SparklingSaskia · 07/02/2020 20:09

It makes me real sad that women put up with this behaviour from their male partners and still feel the need to ask if it’s OK. Your husband is a knob, OP. Get better soon.

Riddikulusness · 07/02/2020 20:18

What. A. Wanker.
A horrible, inconsiderate, selfish wanker.
What was he like after you’d given birth/had a new child to look after?

Swipe left for the next trending thread