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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH being a knob??

214 replies

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:15

I had some relatively minor surgery today under GA. DH offered to drive me to the hospital early this morning. He got up about 40 minutes before I was due at the hospital and fannied around on the loo for 20 minutes meaning I had to call him several times to say we needed to leave. We then had another ten minutes delay while he de-iced the car which meant I was almost late. He was then annoyed that I was tetchy and not grateful enough that he was taking me. If I’d got the cab I’d wanted to get I’d have had a lot less stress!

Anyway he came to pick me up after the surgery and then proceeds to have me sat in the car for an hour while he runs errands. I have been bleeding continuously since my op and sitting in a car park waiting for him was not what I had in mind when I got discharged. He has been home all day so why on earth he didn’t do his errands then I’ve no idea. He then picks up McDonalds for dinner because he can’t be bothered to cook. I don’t like it as a rule but ok fine. It’s freezing cold once we get back so needs reheating. He proceeds to start reheating his own and gets shirty when I take his out to sort the ( young) kids food out first. Apparently “ nothing works without me”... which I take to mean he thinks he is the most important person?? Anyway I sort the kids, wait for him to hear his food and then heat my own. I kind of expected he might sort the kids and mine since I’m just out of hospital but nope. After eating I come up to bed as I’m feeling really wiped out. He then asks me to run the kids bath. I told him no but it’s really pissed me off. Now maybe I’m overreacting but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this stuff and I should be resting??

I know these are probably minor but it’s indicative of how he always is. I will probably get diggy little comments all weekend if I’m not back up and on my feet as usual in the morning.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/02/2020 18:58

I hope the 1% clicked the wrong button by mistake.

There's no excuse for his behaviour.

There's also no point in us all piling on here now with LTB.

But please, when you're better, look at your life and decide what you want and what you will and won't put up with.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/02/2020 18:58

He’s an idiot. Not a catch.

Pumpkintopf · 07/02/2020 18:59

It sounds as though he objects to someone else being the centre of attention. Knobby McKnobface.

This.

Minxmumma · 07/02/2020 19:00

Utter knob!

dreamingbohemian · 07/02/2020 19:01

These are not minor things. I think maybe you are in a bit of denial about how awful he is.

It's hard to see how someone who treats you like this could actually care about you at all -- I think your average stranger would have been kinder to you today.

Do not let him pressure you this weekend -- you need to rest. When you are feeling better, you need to think about your future. Staying with someone like this long-term will destroy you, I don't think you want your kids growing up with this either.

StopGo · 07/02/2020 19:01

He's telling you loudly and clearly how little respect he has for you. His behaviour is deliberate. Listen to what he's saying.

Allergictoironing · 07/02/2020 19:01

I've had a few minor operations under GA, and am due a couple more in the near future. You are given strict instructions by the hospital that you need to be escorted home by a RESPONSIBLE adult, and not drive, operate machinery, cook or do anything that needs concentration for 24 hours afterwards. This is for ANY procedure that needs a GA, let alone one where you are still bleeding!

I'm very lucky, my body gets on well with having a GA, but many people don't - I have a relative who still feels unwell and a bit woozy for up to a week after a GA.

Kerning · 07/02/2020 19:02

What a selfish twat. Where's the love and care?

Lipz · 07/02/2020 19:02

*Before you went to the hospital could you have defrosted he car?.)

She was preparing to go into hospital for an op, she shouldn't have had to de ice the car !! He was in bed, he should have got up and done it

CatteStreet · 07/02/2020 19:03

I don't think he's being 'selfish' or 'lazy'. That implies simple thoughtlessness. He's doing this deliberately, because he's put out by you not being in a position to run around after him or, worse, possibly needing him to look after you. He's punishing you, and showing you how little he thinks of you.

TorkTorkBam · 07/02/2020 19:03

Do you genuinely believe he might not be a knob? I mean was it an honest question to us?

Janaih · 07/02/2020 19:04

Does this bell end have any good points?

OliviaBenson · 07/02/2020 19:04

The errands thing was him punishing you. Look after yourself op. Make sure you rest this weekend and don't let him pull this shit.

You need to start thinking long term too....

EKGEMS · 07/02/2020 19:08

"Why couldn't you have defrosted the car yourself?" Why couldn't you have prevented yourself from posting a victim-blaming, asinine question?

10FrozenFingers · 07/02/2020 19:08

He's awful. This will be the rest of your life. Leave now.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 07/02/2020 19:09

Before you went to the hospital could you have defrosted he car?. Could the children have eaten there takeaway in the car? Ofcourse he was an idiot to only heat his andnjot run the bath.

Oh dear Gaia, you’re another woman that sets the bar low for what you expect from a man, aren’t you?

Bluerussian · 07/02/2020 19:11

You're not unreasonable, he is and totally inconsiderate.

thickwoollytights · 07/02/2020 19:11

No he's not a knob. He's an unkind, thoughtless, insensitive wankstain and I'd dump his sorry arse quick sticks

letmebefrank · 07/02/2020 19:13

He's a selfish dick and I'm amazed you're staying with someone who treats you with such little loving care.

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 07/02/2020 19:16

Selfish, self centred, stupid twat. Him obviously. I’d honestly have trouble forgiving him for this.

GFJoe · 07/02/2020 19:16

Knob. You deserve better than that op. Life's too short to spend it with selfish people.

Butterbeeeen · 07/02/2020 19:17

I had minor surgery under GA yesterday and my DP took 2 days unpaid leave to look after me, sat with me all day, called at my fave chip shop on the way home and only got me tea, sorted him and the children out when I was in the house, in my pjs and fed. I have remained in pjs all day while he has looked after me. Your DP is indeed a knob OP

simplekindoflife · 07/02/2020 19:18

Fucking hell!

He's a nasty, spiteful and selfish knob!

Look after yourself right now but have this all out with him when you're better.

This is the kind of a stuff that's a deal breaker for me. Most other things I could get past, but this pure uncaring contempt for you when you're recovering from an operation is just disturbing. I'd do more for my neighbour than he's done for you!

SpeedofaSloth · 07/02/2020 19:18

He's a knob.
Get well soon OP Flowers

simplekindoflife · 07/02/2020 19:19

How can he not care that the person he loves is bleeding and in pain... seriously... alarms bells ringing very loudly! SadAngry