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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH being a knob??

214 replies

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:15

I had some relatively minor surgery today under GA. DH offered to drive me to the hospital early this morning. He got up about 40 minutes before I was due at the hospital and fannied around on the loo for 20 minutes meaning I had to call him several times to say we needed to leave. We then had another ten minutes delay while he de-iced the car which meant I was almost late. He was then annoyed that I was tetchy and not grateful enough that he was taking me. If I’d got the cab I’d wanted to get I’d have had a lot less stress!

Anyway he came to pick me up after the surgery and then proceeds to have me sat in the car for an hour while he runs errands. I have been bleeding continuously since my op and sitting in a car park waiting for him was not what I had in mind when I got discharged. He has been home all day so why on earth he didn’t do his errands then I’ve no idea. He then picks up McDonalds for dinner because he can’t be bothered to cook. I don’t like it as a rule but ok fine. It’s freezing cold once we get back so needs reheating. He proceeds to start reheating his own and gets shirty when I take his out to sort the ( young) kids food out first. Apparently “ nothing works without me”... which I take to mean he thinks he is the most important person?? Anyway I sort the kids, wait for him to hear his food and then heat my own. I kind of expected he might sort the kids and mine since I’m just out of hospital but nope. After eating I come up to bed as I’m feeling really wiped out. He then asks me to run the kids bath. I told him no but it’s really pissed me off. Now maybe I’m overreacting but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this stuff and I should be resting??

I know these are probably minor but it’s indicative of how he always is. I will probably get diggy little comments all weekend if I’m not back up and on my feet as usual in the morning.

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 08/02/2020 13:05

I’m sorry you have to live with him. No one deserves to be treated like that.

BiblioX · 08/02/2020 13:05

Oh lovely, life is too short to put up with this! This isn’t caring about a loved one, this is selfish, repugnant behaviour. I had been with my ex husband for 10 years when my mother died and due to his behaviour at this awful time I left him. It was the final straw. I had already had him leave me to look after young children after I had come home from 8 hours crash surgery, had him forget my birthday completely the same year I had organised him to spend a week away for his...been the drudge...yet finally I had an “enough” moment. I truly hope you have the same.

MumW · 08/02/2020 13:38

YABU to not have LTB after the c-section meal-gate incident.

MumW · 08/02/2020 13:40

Oh, and calling him a knob is an understatement and an insult to normal knobbish DHs.

Starlight2004 · 08/02/2020 17:06

How are you today OP? Did you get any rest?

Heartofglass12345 · 08/02/2020 18:32

Time and time again you see this on here. I don't understand why people allow themselves to be treated like this, unless it's come out of the blue which it obviously hasn't. These threads are the threads of the future from posters who have questioned their partners behaviour at the beginning of the relationship, are advised to leave but decide to stay anyway, and end up get married and having kids and a mortgage with these men! I'm not personally having a go at you it just makes me so mad that people think it's ok to treat people like this, and that they should accept it!
I hope you can leave him, he sounds like a dick. My husband wouldn't have let me lift a finger.
I hope you're feeling better soon Thanks

firstimemamma · 08/02/2020 18:44

Yanbu. I bet he wasn't brilliant when the children were born and you were recovering from childbirth either.

firstimemamma · 08/02/2020 18:46

I wrote my last comment before reading your update about the c section - I see that I was right about him then.

You have my sympathy op Thanks

Chamomileteaplease · 08/02/2020 19:01

Can you imagine being in a couples counselling session with him? You very calmly describe what happened on that day to the counsellor and watch him hopefully die with embarrassment on the chair next to you.

But I think plan A of just divorcing him and getting away from such an arse is a much better idea.

FourDecades · 08/02/2020 19:16

The day surgery where l work at would have refused to discharge you into his care if we were aware that you would be expected to sit in a car for that length and have to look after children.

He is a complete and utter disgrace. Maybe start writing down all his knobish acts.

KatherineJaneway · 11/02/2020 16:50

He wants to show you he's top dog at every opportunity doesn't he. Leaving you in the car while he runs errands, heats his dinner first ahead of you and your dc etc. It's all about him front and centre and the rest of you behind him.

I don't know how you put up with it.

ALongHardWinter · 11/02/2020 19:49

I'm amazed that 1% think YABU!

cringyminge · 11/02/2020 20:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

kingkuta · 11/02/2020 21:49

He is a vile prick. The story of your dads funeral day makes me want to rip his head off on your behalf.

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