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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH being a knob??

214 replies

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:15

I had some relatively minor surgery today under GA. DH offered to drive me to the hospital early this morning. He got up about 40 minutes before I was due at the hospital and fannied around on the loo for 20 minutes meaning I had to call him several times to say we needed to leave. We then had another ten minutes delay while he de-iced the car which meant I was almost late. He was then annoyed that I was tetchy and not grateful enough that he was taking me. If I’d got the cab I’d wanted to get I’d have had a lot less stress!

Anyway he came to pick me up after the surgery and then proceeds to have me sat in the car for an hour while he runs errands. I have been bleeding continuously since my op and sitting in a car park waiting for him was not what I had in mind when I got discharged. He has been home all day so why on earth he didn’t do his errands then I’ve no idea. He then picks up McDonalds for dinner because he can’t be bothered to cook. I don’t like it as a rule but ok fine. It’s freezing cold once we get back so needs reheating. He proceeds to start reheating his own and gets shirty when I take his out to sort the ( young) kids food out first. Apparently “ nothing works without me”... which I take to mean he thinks he is the most important person?? Anyway I sort the kids, wait for him to hear his food and then heat my own. I kind of expected he might sort the kids and mine since I’m just out of hospital but nope. After eating I come up to bed as I’m feeling really wiped out. He then asks me to run the kids bath. I told him no but it’s really pissed me off. Now maybe I’m overreacting but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this stuff and I should be resting??

I know these are probably minor but it’s indicative of how he always is. I will probably get diggy little comments all weekend if I’m not back up and on my feet as usual in the morning.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 07/02/2020 21:03

Had a friend whose DH was 'pretty OK' as a run of the mill husband. Meaning he worked hard, shared the household duties, and treated her nicely 99% of the time. BUT, he simply could not stand it if she became the centre of attention. If we were listening to her tell a story, he had to butt in and finish it or find some other way to direct the attention to himself. If she became ill, he was sicker (and whiney). He didn't pull this shit with their children, just with her.

In your situation he'd have done exactly the same as yours because he would have been angry that he couldn't 'match' her surgery with anything of his own.

She finally left him when he refused to drive her to the ER after a very bad fall in which she banged her head on concrete, because he suddenly 'felt faint and dizzy and couldn't drive'. She drove herself and was diagnosed with a concussion and a cracked rib.

MissingMySleep · 07/02/2020 21:04

He's a selfish prick. You poor thing.

LoveIsLovely · 07/02/2020 21:05

My whole life, I was in relationships with arseholes like this because I had low self esteem and thought it was normal because everyone told me that's just how men are.

I just had a baby and my husband is doing everything. He feeds me, helps me have a shower, does everything for the baby and tells me I just need to rest and that he will take care of it all. And he does, even though he's working full time.

Even though I had a difficult birth and still in a lot of pain, I still feel guilty because as women we're so conditioned to put up with shit behaviour from men and to put everyone else first.

I think you need to take a long look at why you're accepting this shit.

SnoozyLou · 07/02/2020 21:08

Sorry. He is a knob.

Weenurse · 07/02/2020 21:11

He makes your life more stressful and clearly thinks of himself first.
Why do you want to be with him?

GabsAlot · 07/02/2020 21:12

No hes not a knob my dh can be a knob small harmless things

This is cruel

bakingdemon · 07/02/2020 21:12

Can you go away for a few days and leave him in sole charge of feeding and bathing the kids? Might he then realise what it is to be a father?

Janemarpling · 07/02/2020 21:14

He needs to go op.

Janicejaniceahmfallin · 07/02/2020 21:19

He’s a cunt. Hope you feel better soon Flowers

madcatladyforever · 07/02/2020 21:20

What a fucking twat. Stay in bed and do nothing all weekend.

Interestedwoman · 07/02/2020 21:27

YANBU. What a dickhead.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 07/02/2020 21:28

I don't know how women keep their mouths shut like that in these situations. If my dp said I was to sit and wait for him for an hour in the car after I just had surgery, I would tell him to fuck right off and take me home. Also I would have told him to sort the childrens dinner before his own and get mine. My dp can be a right lazy twat, but I honestly could not imagine him being this selfish.

BeeFarseer · 07/02/2020 21:36

You keep saying that he 'tells' you how hardworking he is.

He is gaslighting you.

Don't listen to what he tells you, look at what he shows you. I can tell you I'm a millionaire all I like, doesn't make it true.

I'm genuinely really sad for you and I hope when you're feeling better, you'll have the strength to leave him. There is nothing redeeming enough to stay with a partner who treats you like he does.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 07/02/2020 21:36

It does make you start to doubt your reality.

Stop doubting.

NotTerfNorCis · 07/02/2020 21:39

Like after my C-Section when I was breastfeeding and he ate his dinner and left mine where the cat could and did get to it. Or the morning of my Dads funeral when he was adamant he simply must go to a DIY store despite the fact doing so would have likely meant being late for the funeral.

That sounds more than being a knob, that sounds abusive.

WhatsTheLatest · 07/02/2020 21:39

Bet he'll want sex tonight as a payment for all his hard work today Hmm

Weenurse · 07/02/2020 21:42

Is this what you want for your family?

HavenDilemma · 07/02/2020 21:45

Wow. Typical Narc.

Was he against you having the op by any chance???

Clymene · 07/02/2020 21:48

That's more than being a knob. That's unkind and hateful actually

AlexDrake1981 · 07/02/2020 22:02

Honestly? LTB, he's a cunt Flowers

Travis1 · 07/02/2020 22:04

Well he’s a cunt of the highest order and you deserve better. Rest up op and then start making plans for your and your kids future

BlokeTarget · 07/02/2020 22:11

He is being totally selfish, pig headed tosser.

You’ve had a GA and Surgery and he doesn’t even do the basics to help you out or look after you?

Selfish prick.

He needs a reality check and reassess how much of an arse he is

olivesnutsandcheese · 07/02/2020 22:21

My ex used to behave so badly if I was ill or under the weather. Note the ex part. It doesn't matter if they have issues with illness or hate change or whatever. Being an arse when your supposed loved one is not well, is not on. Ask yourself why he doesn't have your back.

Weenurse · 07/02/2020 22:27

How are you feeling?

Allcrimps · 07/02/2020 22:32

I'd be running a bath to fucking drown him in.

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