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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH being a knob??

214 replies

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:15

I had some relatively minor surgery today under GA. DH offered to drive me to the hospital early this morning. He got up about 40 minutes before I was due at the hospital and fannied around on the loo for 20 minutes meaning I had to call him several times to say we needed to leave. We then had another ten minutes delay while he de-iced the car which meant I was almost late. He was then annoyed that I was tetchy and not grateful enough that he was taking me. If I’d got the cab I’d wanted to get I’d have had a lot less stress!

Anyway he came to pick me up after the surgery and then proceeds to have me sat in the car for an hour while he runs errands. I have been bleeding continuously since my op and sitting in a car park waiting for him was not what I had in mind when I got discharged. He has been home all day so why on earth he didn’t do his errands then I’ve no idea. He then picks up McDonalds for dinner because he can’t be bothered to cook. I don’t like it as a rule but ok fine. It’s freezing cold once we get back so needs reheating. He proceeds to start reheating his own and gets shirty when I take his out to sort the ( young) kids food out first. Apparently “ nothing works without me”... which I take to mean he thinks he is the most important person?? Anyway I sort the kids, wait for him to hear his food and then heat my own. I kind of expected he might sort the kids and mine since I’m just out of hospital but nope. After eating I come up to bed as I’m feeling really wiped out. He then asks me to run the kids bath. I told him no but it’s really pissed me off. Now maybe I’m overreacting but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this stuff and I should be resting??

I know these are probably minor but it’s indicative of how he always is. I will probably get diggy little comments all weekend if I’m not back up and on my feet as usual in the morning.

OP posts:
LouHotel · 07/02/2020 18:33

So is there a reason your staying with him?

SabineUndine · 07/02/2020 18:34

It sounds as though he objects to someone else being the centre of attention. Knobby McKnobface.

FusionChefGeoff · 07/02/2020 18:34

Knob. Head.

Megan2018 · 07/02/2020 18:36

I’d be booking a taxi to a hotel and leaving him with the kids for the weekend.
If my DH did any of the things you’ve listed he’d be out on his ear.

Jumpjumpjumper · 07/02/2020 18:36

Bet when he's ill, it's a different story.

He's "punishing" you for not being usual self, probably doing everything usually?

Bluetrews25 · 07/02/2020 18:36

Is he being really, really thick, or is he so abusively self-centred so that he cannot bear for you to have any attention at all?
I think you might need more surgery, OP - a husbandectomy.
So sorry, OP, you seem to have married someone who behaves the exact opposite of what is required or desirable. This is worse than thoughtless.

ALongHardWinter · 07/02/2020 18:36

And yet another shining example of a useless man. Just what the hell is it with them? OK,I'm trying not generalise I know that they're not all like this. But it seems that just lately,I am seeing or ready about useless, incapable men every day.
And no OP, YANBU!

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 07/02/2020 18:38

He’s a massive knob. You deserve better op.

ALongHardWinter · 07/02/2020 18:38

reading! Not ready.

Sunflowersok · 07/02/2020 18:39

It sounds like he doesn’t like you to be the one with the attention OP.

Horrible man.

TheNoodlesIncident · 07/02/2020 18:40

He is a horrible, horrible man. Angry You deserve better than this travesty of a partnership.

Lipz · 07/02/2020 18:40

Wow what an utter arse !! It's common sense to help someone when they are going through what you are. He's selfish looking after himself first. Any decent person looks after the kids first then you then themselves. He should be minding you, not making you sit in car, not asking you to run a bath ! I would have walked straight up to him and asked him are you for real !!

Time to be a little selfish now yourself. You'll have to as no one is going to look after you. Get what you need food , snacks, drinks, prop up your pillows, put on tv and REST .

Hope you're feeling better soon.

AriadnesFilament · 07/02/2020 18:41

He’s being more than a knob......

GetOffTheTableMabel · 07/02/2020 18:43

It’s NOT minor and he IS a knob.
If he really thinks this is how you treat somebody who has undergone any sort of procedure under general anaesthetic, then he is also very stupid.
And, you’re his wife, the person who is supposed to get the best of him, the person he is supposed to treasure. It’s a fucking woeful effort.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 07/02/2020 18:45

So, how many more kids are you going to have to this nasty selfish fucker, before you decide, enough is enough? Do you think he’s setting a good example to them? Do you want to watch your son treating his wife/partner like this, when she gives birth to your grandchild or your daughter accepting this treatment, after all it must be ‘normal’ as they saw their dad treat their mum like this, growing up.

CheesyWeez · 07/02/2020 18:47

After a GA it takes me ages to wake up and I stay wobbly and tired until well in the next day. The anaesthetic doesn't suddenly leave the body! Go to bed now and stay in bed tomorrow.
He is being ridiculous.
For you Flowers

BaolFan · 07/02/2020 18:48

He's not a knob - they have uses. He's a haemorrhoid - a literal pain in the arse with no use except to make you feel uncomfortable and pissed off.

Have you any family or friends that can help? Once you are better I'd be taking a cold, hard look at this relationship.

freeingNora · 07/02/2020 18:48

Google covert narcissist he sounds text book esp going to the diy it's always got to be about him

Devoid of empathy you don't have to explain how you need to be treated he's just choosing not to I'm sorry this is happening to you x

june2007 · 07/02/2020 18:50

Before you went to the hospital could you have defrosted he car?. Could the children have eaten there takeaway in the car? Ofcourse he was an idiot to only heat his andnjot run the bath.

DICarter1 · 07/02/2020 18:52

Total and utter knobhead. I hope you start to feel better.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/02/2020 18:52

You need at least 24 hours to recover from a GA. And if you're bleeding you should be resting.

He is a knob. With knobs on.

Sharkyfan · 07/02/2020 18:53

That’s not nice at all (of your DH)

A couple of years ago I had a minor OP under GA. Once we were home, I was in the living room and didn’t know where he was. We have 3 kids and the youngest had just turned 1 at the time. I called out to him but he didn’t answer. I was feeling groggy and in pain. I found him upstairs on the bed - he’d gone for a lie down because his back was hurting, leaving me downstairs in charge of the kids, and didn’t even tell me. Sad

Formermousemat · 07/02/2020 18:54

His behaviour that you mentioned in your follow up comment, his behaviour around your fathers funeral was really appalling.

I've known people like this in my past. It's like they can't cope with you being upset/ill so instead of dealing with how it makes them feel, sad, scared, depressed etc - they turn it back on you in the form of anger.

It's very difficult to live with, because it means you can't rely on them when you need them.

Springisintheair20 · 07/02/2020 18:56

No family nearby who can help, and I can’t go to a hotel as I’m not supposed to be alone for at least 24 hours.

Yes I could have de-iced the car myself but I was sorting the kids out. And it just would have been nice for him to have had the forethought to do it and make my morning less stressful than it already was. As it was I was strapping the kids into the car and yelling for him to get off the bloody toilet. I actually had a quick look to see if I could get an Uber but there wasn’t one that would have got to me in time, or else I would have just done that and left him on the loo.

OP posts:
BonnieSeptember · 07/02/2020 18:56

Wow my LTB was initially light hearted but how awful. I've recently had a c section (followed by breastfeeding) and couldn't imagine being treated like that.

He sounds like a spoilt man child