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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left friends wedding after ceremony and not gone to reception - FUMING!!

174 replies

Hannie55 · 01/09/2007 19:05

The ceremony was fabulous. Everyone was happy. I went to congratulate friend and new husband afterwards and she looked me up and down, wrinkled her nose and said "nice dress" in a really sarky tone.
I felt so embarassed as other people noticed. She can be blunt sometimes but has never made me feel like this. I am so angry.
I didnt want to make a scene or even let her know I was angry, I just pretended not to have noticed her tone, made my excuses and walked to speak to some other people.
I maid a snap decision (after two other people mentioned that they had saw the incident)that I would not be going to the reception.
I didn't see my friend but have asked mutual friends not to mention anything but if she notices my absence to say that I had to leave as DD was unwell. Not big or brave I know.
Did I do the wrong thing?

OP posts:
CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 01/09/2007 19:46

pmsl at this thread

i would have said "yes, likewise"

Doodledootoo · 01/09/2007 19:48

Message withdrawn

Journey · 01/09/2007 19:48

Shame you didn't interpret the statement as a question. You could then have said yes, I guess your dress is ok!

woodyrocks · 01/09/2007 19:58

Was it the same dress you had the day you stole her new Husband off her?! :p

In all seriousness though, you did the right thing for YOU by leaving as you obviously was not happy and imagine how things could have gone if you had gone to the reception and mixed alcohol with that mood!

Flocci · 01/09/2007 20:04

If only you had gone home, changed into the pink number and then gone back to the reception....... then dirty danced with the groom and the vicar... then the miserable old bitch would have had something to complain about.

Desiderata · 01/09/2007 20:15

Very funny thread! But poor old Hannie ...

Well, if there's one thing that makes me feel violent towards another woman, it's when they do that look you up and down thing.

Now, she's a friend of yours so I'm guessing that she's not a Grade A bitch all the time .. but she was Grade A+ with knobs on today.

startouchedtrinity · 01/09/2007 20:26

Hanni, how mean! I would wait until after the honeymoon and drop her a note explaining why you left her wedding. Some brides are so up themselves these days, it is really weird.

Lol at the pink frock and a great wind up btw, except I was at a wedding not so long ago and someone was wearing something that if not quite as clingy certainly showed off her boob job to good effect - in fact there were a few outfits that fitted into the category of slapper chic . It was at that point I realised that either everyone under 25 is a Big Brother wannabe or I am an old fart. Or both.

rubyshoes · 01/09/2007 20:49

Just got back from b.b.q. where everyone is slowing becoming more and more difficult to understand, something to do with large amounts of wine i think but feel very out of it because bf and sober, this thread has cheered me up no end pmsl, dp wants to know if i have been drinking ???? Hannie is this person really a good friend of fair weather friend? u sound lovely and didn't deserve to be made to feel like that x

Alambil · 01/09/2007 21:13

pmsl @ pink dress - i nearly choked on my drink!! what a fabulous windup!!

YANBU though - she was bang out of order and needs telling soon as.

Difers · 01/09/2007 21:35

YANBU but in defence of your friend, weddings are sometimes emotionally charged, stressful events and sometimes people say things that they later regret.

Eg: Over heard by bride - My sister re: University Mate: "She looks like a merangue!"

It's taken many years for them to resume contact and my sister has always felt very bad about her behaviour.

Pubically humiliating friends is never a votewinner and I would be tempted to e-mail her with a short..I know you probably didn't mean it but....and so I left the wedding as I felt really bad...she will have the time to formulate a really good excuse and hopefully you will make up (if so wished)

chipmonkey · 01/09/2007 22:42

Hannie, the girl is a beeyatch! Why would you want to be friend with someone so sarky!
You had me going with the pink number! Genius!

Original poster
Hannie55 · 02/09/2007 15:33

Thank you so much everyone for your kind replies.
I had a very enjoyable evening in the end. I am still upset about it al of course but I am glad that I didnt go to the reception. No doubt I would have felt worse. I will contact bridezilla after the honeymoon and let het know how i felt. I dont think this is the end of the freindship but it has certainly made me see her in a different light. Which may be a good thing.
Sorry about the dress link but I couldnt resist and it DID make me !

OP posts:
morningpaper · 02/09/2007 15:42

Hannie I'm glad you are feeling better - she sounds absolutely dreadful

roffle @ pink dress btw - totally fell for it

Bouncingturtle · 02/09/2007 15:53

I'm glad you had an enjoyable evening - that remark by your soi-disant friend was totally out of order. Even if she didn't like what you were wearing, it was the absolute height of bad manners to say it out loud. What a cow! This is one of the occasions when honest is NOT the best policy!

Ulysees · 02/09/2007 15:56

Glad you had a good evening after all

about bridezilla!! lmao

krang · 02/09/2007 16:04

At my wedding we had people wearing scruffy old jumpers and people dressed up to the nines. Allowing people to express their own individual style and wear what they feel comfortable in all makes for a happier occasion, I think. I wouldn't have given a toss if anyone had turned up in the pink dress! (One of my friends came with fabulous blue minidress and matching hair...all helps make the photos more interesting, I reckon...)

So in short she is a silly uptight cow and will probably send her first baby back if its eye colour doesn't match her shoes.

Vikkin · 02/09/2007 16:21

My father (a strange man anyway) has a collection of foul cardies and waistcoats and wears one every time a daughter marries. He will NOT conform now we have 3 sets of pictures with him standing there like he's escaped from a local 'home', IYKWIM. BUT if we had not accepted the waistcoats, we would have missed him.
The contents more important than the wrapping.
And, if the bride has time to notice what other women are wearing on her wedding day, there's something wrong there 'n' all!

pooka · 02/09/2007 16:27

Whatever you were wearing (and fantastic wind up by the way ) there is absolutely no excuse to be sraky or unpleasant. Your friend should have stuck to the "if you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all" mantra.
It's so rude and cheap to be snide.
Glad you had a good evening in the end though.

WinkyWinkola · 02/09/2007 20:49

I would sack the friend and just not bother even explaining to her why you're not interested in her friendship anymore. What a cow. Her poor husband. He's married a viper.

But, I've a suspicion you looked hot and she felt threatened...that's usually why people are nasty. She's supposed to be loved up on her wedding but still found the energy to be a sow. Do you really have any time for someone like this?

Ulysees · 03/09/2007 09:19

I agree with Winky

flowerybeanbag · 03/09/2007 09:28

Pink dress v Liz Hurley!

I would probably have gone to the reception. There is a possibility your friend was extremely stressed out on her wedding day, and may be mortified when she looks back on it. Possibly not, but if she is your friend it's her wedding and she will only get married once (hopefully!), so if it were me I wouldn't have wanted to look back in 20 years and have missed the reception because of a comment about my dress.
Understandable you were hurt though. I would have gone as I say, but brought it up with her afterwards how hurtful her comment was.

No, actually, I just thought about what I have said. That's rubbish, I too would have left in a huff! I would regret it though for the reasons I have said above.

PinkChick · 03/09/2007 09:28

when i was bridesmaid for my best friend 7 weeks after dd was born we had a few dress fittings before the big day(when i was pg and staright after id had her)....my friend took her camera on two occasions and both times took photos of the other bridesmaids and NOT me!??????..her dp made some awkward comment about it a while later and reading between the lines, it seems although id just had dd, id lost weight when pg and was the slimmest there as i shed 3stone days after the birth(we are all bigger girls, i weighed about 14st and that was the lowest), she was annoyed as i was so slim after the birth!, maybe she thought she would look better against a new mum with flabby gut...as she is my best friend, i ignored it(well i had a good old winge to dp!) and the truth all came out, she still made me feel shitty until dp told me why he thought she did it!

pistachio · 03/09/2007 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricL · 03/09/2007 09:49

Yeah - i hate that about weddings too Pistachio. There is always someone selfish who dresses inappropriately. Why people just don't understand that a wedding is probably the only occasion where you HAVE to dress differently and not be selfish, is beyond me.
One of my mates was grumling about mine cos he never wore smart clothes and i had to threaten him to make sure he wore something smart. The bugger wore something smart he borrowed off a mate (but didnt fit him AT ALL) and a pair of his usual scabby shoes.

DoubleBluff · 03/09/2007 09:55

I heard of a bride who has told guests they cannot wear a certain coulour as it will clash with her 'theme' FGS!
I love informal weddings and could not care what people wear.