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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have left friends wedding after ceremony and not gone to reception - FUMING!!

174 replies

Hannie55 · 01/09/2007 19:05

The ceremony was fabulous. Everyone was happy. I went to congratulate friend and new husband afterwards and she looked me up and down, wrinkled her nose and said "nice dress" in a really sarky tone.
I felt so embarassed as other people noticed. She can be blunt sometimes but has never made me feel like this. I am so angry.
I didnt want to make a scene or even let her know I was angry, I just pretended not to have noticed her tone, made my excuses and walked to speak to some other people.
I maid a snap decision (after two other people mentioned that they had saw the incident)that I would not be going to the reception.
I didn't see my friend but have asked mutual friends not to mention anything but if she notices my absence to say that I had to leave as DD was unwell. Not big or brave I know.
Did I do the wrong thing?

OP posts:
EricL · 03/09/2007 09:58

Bluff - do most women not find out what colour the bride is wearing anyway and choose accordingly so as not to clash?

To demand this seems a little 'Princessy'.

(I've just invented a new word there - did you see?)

CountessDraculaPI · 03/09/2007 10:10

Am I the only one who couldn't give a toss what others wore to my wedding?

My brother turned up in trainers and tracksuity sort of bottoms and his massive dreadlocks (obviously!) I couldn't care less as long as he was there!

LittleBella · 03/09/2007 10:12

This is what I hate about the wedding industry. The way it otherwise reasonable women to believe that they are the centre of the universe for a few weeks and that everyone else around them is there to do their every bidding and that they have the right to be as vulgar, ill-bred, unkind and bad-mannered as they wish and then expect to be forgiven because it was "their big day".

Fuck 'em, women like that are vacuuous and moronic and should be drowned in their bridal finery with the bouquet thrown in for good measure. If your friend has got any substance or worth to her at all, she will in the next 3 months gradually come out of the wedding bubble, anaylse her behaviour and feel mortified and ashamed that she allowed her brain to be so affected. And she'll apologise to you. If she doesn't, she's really not worth knowing.

LittleBella · 03/09/2007 10:14

Yes CD but you are intelligent.

Lots of people aren't, and they are wedding industry fodder.

Ooh, I love a good wedding thread, don't you?

kindersurprise · 03/09/2007 10:16

I think it is unreasonable to dictate to your guests what they should wear. I can understand someone being a bit miffed if one of the actual bridal party wore something inappropriate.

My friend's bil is a very cool DJ and he turned up at their wedding in a smart suit with flipflops (adidas ones though). Some of the older folk muttered but most of the younger ones just laughed.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 03/09/2007 10:21

Ooh, this will make you laugh.
This was from a real, genuine, wedding magazine about 10 years ago.
Someone writes into the problem page saying 'Ever since we were little girls my best friend and I have promised each other that whichever one of us gets married first, the other will be her bridesmaid.
Unfortunately now I am getting married but my best friend is really unattractive and I am worried she will spoil the wedding photos. How can I tell her I don't want her to be my bridesmaid?'

and the answer really truly given in this absolutely real wedding magazine.....

'If she is a real friend, I'm sure she will understand.'

pistachio · 03/09/2007 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBella · 03/09/2007 10:28

Oh God, that is exactly what I'm talking about Kathy.

It's disgusting, isn't it?

Telling women that being selfish, unkind and narcissistic is reasaonble. Encouraging them in their madness, telling them that any friend who expresses a real and genuine hurt because of their vile behaviour wasn't a real friend to begin with - all these wedding industry bastards should be taken out and shot.

I'm feeling really militant about this this morning.

ernest · 03/09/2007 10:33

not a wedding, but my fil 60th. It was a formal ish occasion, village hall hired, sit down served meal, everyone dressed up accordingly. bf of sil best f turned up in flip flops and shorts. I was pissed off and it wasn't even anything really to d with me. I thought it was so bad mannered, ignorant and showed a contempt for the host and his family. Like he wasn't worth making any effort over. Getting an outfit a bit 'wrong' misjudging and going too formal of flouncy or whatever is fine, and loads of people do it, but making no effort at all is contemptous.

As for being horid to someone co they don't look nice enough

Kathyis6incheshigh · 03/09/2007 10:38

Bella - yes, you are militant today, aren't you?

The control freakery it encourages doesn't do anyone any good. It can't be much fun being a bride who genuinely believes it matters that everything is perfect for their special day, because let's face it, something is bound to go wrong.

LittleBella · 03/09/2007 10:44

It's just a money-making machine. If you think everything has to be absolutely perfect, you will spend far more money than you originally thought you would, to make it so.

Bah.

kindersurprise · 03/09/2007 11:00

Weddings do tend to bring out the worst in some women though.

A friend of my brother got married a few years ago and the bride was an absolute nightmare, she bitched and complained the whole day and ruined it for everyone. One of her bridesmaids decided a week before the wedding that she wasn't going.

OrmIrian · 03/09/2007 11:01

Oh dear

What a cow. Getting married is about being mature. Not about being a primadonna and making demands of everyone. And when you do get married it is your job to look after everyone and make your guests feel happy and comfortable. Not self-conscious. If you turned up in wellies and a bin bag it was still her responsibility to make you feel that she was delighted to see you and grateful for your coming to see her on her wedding day. If she is ungenerous enough to be belittling to a friend on a day when she is supposed to be totally happy and excited with life, I don't hold out much hope for her as a friend or a wife TBH.

I think (hope) she is feeling bad now. But don't lose sleep over it.

PippiLangstrump · 03/09/2007 11:33

she is a right cow!!! I am glad you left and had a nice evening instead.

At my wedding we had my guests up to the nines and DH's in t-shirts and combats. One side understood it as a relaxed and easy going wedding (which it was) and dressed for the occasion, the other, being italian, could not possibly do that (although they all quickly changed as soon as they could).

I had a 'proper' dress (for once!) and so DH.

It was brilliant. who cares. we had a good times and the important thing is they all laughed, drank and mixed well regardless of the dress.

again, she is a selfish selfcentred cow.

AnguaVonUberwald · 03/09/2007 11:39

At our wedding DHs side all bought brand new suits and got really dressed up - my side... Well lets just say, my stepdad actually bought a new T-Shirt for the ocassion!!

I wasn't bothered at all. I wanted people to care enough to make some kind of effort for the day, but consititutes an effort for you, depends on who you are.

Also, one of the people coming to the evening asked me if they had to wear a suit. I said, firstly, wear whatever you want, and secondly, I will just have got married at that point, so really won't care!

WendyWeber · 03/09/2007 11:52

Brilliant thread, Hannie, thanks! (Of course it's a shame your "friend" was such a cow, but what a wonderful wind-up the cut-out pink number was )

PippiLangstrump · 03/09/2007 12:11

yes I must admit my jaw dropped when a first saw it!

ellis65 · 03/09/2007 12:23

i'm sorry but i had a friend like this and i dropped her like a hot potato.

Surfermum · 03/09/2007 12:35

I'm with CountessDracula on this one. I couldn't have cared less about what people wore to my wedding. What was important to me was that I was marrying dh, surrounded by people who were important to me, and we all had a good celebration. I would have hated people to dress in things that weren't their style, or buy things they couldn't afford, or be uncomfortable.

Isababel · 03/09/2007 12:39

So... where is Hannie?

MamaGrumpy · 03/09/2007 12:48

my mate wore a denim skirt to my wedding! I was just pleased she turned up

Hannie - she wounds a right bitch, YANBU

sandyballs · 03/09/2007 12:59

God, what a cow. I personally wouldn't bother with her, not worth it. Love the pink dress .

I couldn't have cared less what people wore to my wedding, and thinking about it there were a few odd ensembles. Mother wore a lovely dress and hat, finished off with a pair of Timberland trainers , said her feet hurt too much for proper shoes. DH's uncle had obviously splashed out on a new hair piece, but it didn't quite fit, just sat there at a peculiar angle like a dead animal on his head.

The thing that did wind me up a tad though, was a friend of my in-laws - a very high-maintenance, image obsessed lady in her 50's, who disappeared to her hotel room after the meal and then made a very loud, grand re-entrance to the reception in her new "going away" outfit. WTF! Shouldn't that have been me .

Original poster
Hannie55 · 04/09/2007 08:36

I'm so at some of your experiences, and at some others.
Weddings are strange things, they should be very happy occasions but I wonder if sometimes people (usully the bride)get so caught up in the preparation they forget to chill and enjoy come the day itself. I think I was guilty of that to an extent on my wedding day, though NOT to the point of making anyone feel uncomfortable, just forgetting to really experience this day that I spent so long planning!
As a (very small) update I spoke to a mutual friend yesterday who told me that 'bride' did ask after me at the reception and said a few times that she really hoped I would make it back before the end of the night.
That was nice to hear, I still feel wary though but I guess by the time I have to see her I'll be smarting less about everything.
Thanks for all you comments guys, you know how sometimes you wonder if you've completely overreacted? Well, its good to know that I probably didn't.

OP posts:
Miaou · 04/09/2007 08:55

I don't think you overreacted at all, hannie - as has been said before, who knows what you might have said to her after a few glasses of wine - at least now if you do decide to confront her then the conversation is likely to be less "charged" than it would have been on the night.

On the dress for a wedding front - my aunt died just a couple of months before my cousin got married. Her brother (another cousin, obv) is an archetypal hippy type and came to the funeral in his usual grunge and dreadlocks attire (all totally cool with my family). My mother, however, says to the bride-to-be, complete with face, "do you think he will turn up to your wedding looking like that?" My cousin just raised her eyebrow and said, "I don't really care what he looks like as long as he comes!" I was mortified at my mother's comments!

lizziemun · 04/09/2007 09:27

I hope she wasn't a guest at my wedding. As soon as my grandparents went home both me and DH changed into jeans and t-shirts for the reast of the evening.

Even my mum was suprised i lasted in my dress until 9pm. She just laughed when we came down, i had my hair still in place tiarra et all and jeans and t-shirt so people could tell who the bride was .

To be honest we didn't care what people wore as long as they had a good time.

In all the group photos we have my BIL with a bottle of beer in his hand and my cousins eating crisps.