Presents from ex's new partner to my kids

[stedmunds]

AIBU to think it's unacceptable for my ex's new partner to buy gifts and then xmas presents for our children?

I've split with my partner but we are still sharing a house until we sell, we both have new partners.

My ex's new partner has bought the kids a couple of small gifts, an advent calendar (before they had even met), and now xmas presents, they met once just before xmas.

My new partner also has kids I would not think it was appropriate to buy them presents yet, my new partner agrees.

Firstly I do not think it's appropriate to buy gifts/presents for people you have not built up a relationship with, that seems a bit 'needy' to me.

Secondly, I think it's even more inappropriate to buy gifts/presents for kids who you have not built up a relationship with, mainly because kids are more easily influenced by this.

Thirdly, (why my partner thinks it's wrong) I think it's wrong for them to buy gifts/presents for my kids while I'm sharing a house with them, my partner thinks this is insulting.

You sound like hard work! Ok, you two don't think it right, but your ex and his GF think it's ok.
YABU

You're complaining because someone who could potentially play a big part in your children's lives is interested in connecting with them? She's bought them gifts, not normally associated with wanting to cause them harm!

Gosh you're going to be hard work if this relationship develops.

YABU

It seems a nice gesture to me.

I think it was very nice of her.

I don't think a few small gifts for the kids is insulting to you. You've both got new partners so it's hardly like they're rubbing the new relationship in your face. Sounds like the relationship is too new for your ex to give gifts from both him and his partner so her buying a few small things is OK as far as I'm concerned.

I agree with you but I suspect you'll get a few responses saying it's fine and you're just bitter. It's inappropriate and overstepping and confusing for the kids.

Seems like a thoughtful gesture to me.

I doubt your ex's new partner cares much that you think it's a bit 'needy'

Maybe you should focus on the fact your kids are probably confused as hell at their parents still sharing the same house and both having new partners. Maybe sort that out and stop moaning about someone making an effort with your kids

It could be seen as trying to buy their affection, I guess.

How old are the children?

Yeah YABU sounds like jealousy to me that this woman could potentially play an important part in their lives as their new step mother

Are you worried she is trying to buy your children's affections and they will no longer love you?

Because that is what it appears to be about.

It's about you and your insecurities.

Not about your children at all.

Wouldn't it be better for them to have an adult in their lives who does what to build a positive relationship with them than someone who is uninterested or hostile towards them?
She bought them a gift at Xmas. It isn't that weird - she probably felt it would have been rude not to.

I have no problem with them buying presents in the future, once they have met properly, it just seems a bit odd until then, I wouldn't buy presents for my new partners kids as it doesn't feel right until I actually know them.

I think it's a bit strange but meh!

Couldn't get fussed about it and at the end of the day, your kids will either like her or they won't.

Ditto your boyfriend's kids and you.

Would you prefer them to be hostile?

Take a step back, this is about your children not you.

YABU.

And you need to grow up.

She’s probably just trying to impress her new boyfriend. I can see why it feels intrusive, but better this way than she has no interest in them or consideration for the fact that her new partner has children.

Why don't you have a read of all the zillions of threads where step-parents want fuck all to do with their husband/wife's children from a previous marriage? Treat them differently to their own children etc?

Have you thought that your new partner might be keeping you away from his kids at the moment for a particular reason? Because his "opinion" is far weirder than your ex husband's partner being nice and sending your kids a bit of tat for Christmas.

I'd love you to come back in a year or so though and tell us how lovely it all is when you treat your partner's kids the same as you treat your own.

I think you are looking for excuses to complain about this woman!

I’m sure she did it with the thought process “you are an important part of my new partners life and I want to built a positive relationship with you”.... so yeah she’s clearly a cow bag

What does meeting properly mean? You've said they've already met once.

You are in for a long and rocky road as a separated parent if this is getting your knickers in a twist!

I'd be more focused on supporting your dc through the trauma of a parental split and helping them to cope with living in a house with their separated parents, both of whom have new partners, rather than worrying about whether the gf was wrong to get them an advent calendar

It seems quite nice to me, it's not as if she spent hundreds of pounds which would have been inappropriate but small, thoughtful gifts are kindly meant. I'm assuming she wasn't the 'other woman', at least partly responsible for your marriage break up - if she was that would put a different complexion on it but, from what I've read, it seems fine.

Whether it's right or not, there's certainly nothing 'insulting' about it - and that comment in particular doesn't cast your new partner who seems to have a lot of Opinions in a great light.

And I'm really really not jealous, I have a wonderful new partner and we are far better suited.

I'm also happy that my ex has a new partner believe it or not, they seem happier, and that's good for everyone