Presents from ex's new partner to my kids

[stedmunds]

AIBU to think it's unacceptable for my ex's new partner to buy gifts and then xmas presents for our children?

I've split with my partner but we are still sharing a house until we sell, we both have new partners.

My ex's new partner has bought the kids a couple of small gifts, an advent calendar (before they had even met), and now xmas presents, they met once just before xmas.

My new partner also has kids I would not think it was appropriate to buy them presents yet, my new partner agrees.

Firstly I do not think it's appropriate to buy gifts/presents for people you have not built up a relationship with, that seems a bit 'needy' to me.

Secondly, I think it's even more inappropriate to buy gifts/presents for kids who you have not built up a relationship with, mainly because kids are more easily influenced by this.

Thirdly, (why my partner thinks it's wrong) I think it's wrong for them to buy gifts/presents for my kids while I'm sharing a house with them, my partner thinks this is insulting.

She's bought them to appear kind or be kind to your ex. Not so much for your kids. Get a grip OP, you sound somewhat unhinged.

In these changing times I wouldn't put you down for still living with your ex, whilst having new partners. Children are very adaptable and if your children are as fine as you say about the situation, then those saying you are wrong etc, are talking from pure ignorance and bias.

Whilst I wouldnt be as forthright as @damnthatanxiety - I do think they make many valid points.

Whether it is correct or not your post comes over not only as horrendous but bitter and jealous too.
Why is wanting to build a relationship with someone else's children seen as a bad thing.
Why are you concerned ( and how do you even know) what your ex's partner earns?
You say you initiated the split but is reads that you weren't expecting him to end up with someone else as good and/or as quickly as he has done.
Your only concerned should be the kids rather than yourself and if they are happy than maybe you should keep your own negative attitudes to yourself.

I'd have loved my x's gf buying my kids presents instead of the barrage of shite she shouted at them when they saw her.

I don't see the problem.

I am surprised by all the YABU comments to be honest - in some threads you read people absolutely getting slated for introducing a new partner to their children unless it is a long term relationship, whereas here people don't seem to have a problem with it. This could easily be the first of many relationships your partner has until he findsthe one, are they all going to meet the kids and start buying them presents?? What a headfuck for the kids!

To be fair lots of us have said that.

But Clearly, op isnt bothered they mer her too quickly. That's not what the OP is bothered about.

She is more bothered that this woman is a high earner and bought her kids presents. Rather than about the whole situation.

Which speaks volumes about her and her ex.

My brother has two daughters with different mothers. Split with both of them. The youngest daughter has an older sibling I have never met I still send her birthday and Christmas gifts of the same value as my other two nieces. It's called being inclusive.

Oh ffs get a grip

YABU as is your new partner

I think it's odd to buy stuff for people you don't know.

Im guessing you weren't even aware of this strongly held belief of yours a few weeks ago. I bet you never made a post about it on here, how wrong it is for people to buy gifts for people they don't know that well. I started a new job 8 weeks before Christmas and, shocked horror, we exchanged gifts.

For whatever reason you're feeling the need to pathologise perfectly normal behviour that you've never had a problem with before. I suspect off the top of my head it has something to do with your worries for the future and the understandable discomfort that change brings. Don't deal with it by holding courting in your head about perceived wrongdoings, think about what's actually under those feelings.

What a headfuck for the kids!

A present can't screw up a child. It's the meaning that any insecure adults put on the present that make it the headfuck.

Some of my family and friends buy token birthday/Christmas presents for my step son even though they barely know him. Are they supposed to be viewed as bad people for doing it, and they should only buy gifts for my daughter? I doubt the response would be very good on here for them doing that.

Anybody going out of their way to buy a token gift for someone when they don't need to can hardly be framed as a bastard for doing it. I can see why you would view it as a strange decision but I have no idea why you would think it was disrespectful to you. Sounds like that attitude is going to be a problem going forward....

I think you are over thinking this. I don’t see the problem myself My son was one when I met my partner. We had only been seeing each other a month before Christmas that year and he bought DS a nice gift.

Some people just like buying gifts!

Someone who is likely to be in your kids life for a while is nice to them

And you’re unhappy about it
Because it’s ‘needy’ of her.

Just have a think about that again.

She sounds like a nice caring person interested in building a relationship with the children of her partner. That is a positive thing for the children, this woman could be one of the most important people in the childrens lives. Really you should be pleased, as that's what's best for the DC.

Wtf
I got my now step daughter Xmas gifts before I'd met her properly.

Thirdly, I think it's wrong for them to buy gifts/presents for my kids while I'm sharing a house with them, my partner thinks this is insulting.
Whikst you're sharing a house with your ex? So it's OK for you both to have sex with other people, but not to buy a harmless few presents for the kids.

Sounds like your opinionated partner just wants to justify him not doing the same

I think the biggest potential for a head fuck for your kids is that both you and their dad have got new ‘partners’ when you’re still living together. I think an advent calendar is neither here nor there!

I suspect the poor woman can't win whichever she does

You sound bitter

Poor kids, sounds like a circus.

You sound like my DP EW, Last year i hadnt yet been introduced to his DC, but he had mine ( My DC had been living in 2 houses for a number of years and was well adjusted so it felt right) and because my DP had brought token gifts for my DC I returned the gesture for his, A token gift under the tree from Santa. His EW hit the roof when it came out (roll eyes) his DC just appreciated the extra gifts to be honest.
No harm done, they got a couple of extra toys and the EW got a hissy fit
.

I think it's wrong for them to buy gifts/presents for my kids while I'm sharing a house with them,

I missed this additional rule. Can you explain this more clearly? So she can buy presents once you've moved out? Is it just people who are having consensual sex with their father that can't buy them presents for the kids while you're living with him?