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Original poster

Presents from ex's new partner to my kids

221 replies

stedmunds · 04/01/2020 15:06

AIBU to think it's unacceptable for my ex's new partner to buy gifts and then xmas presents for our children?

I've split with my partner but we are still sharing a house until we sell, we both have new partners.

My ex's new partner has bought the kids a couple of small gifts, an advent calendar (before they had even met), and now xmas presents, they met once just before xmas.

My new partner also has kids I would not think it was appropriate to buy them presents yet, my new partner agrees.

Firstly I do not think it's appropriate to buy gifts/presents for people you have not built up a relationship with, that seems a bit 'needy' to me.

Secondly, I think it's even more inappropriate to buy gifts/presents for kids who you have not built up a relationship with, mainly because kids are more easily influenced by this.

Thirdly, (why my partner thinks it's wrong) I think it's wrong for them to buy gifts/presents for my kids while I'm sharing a house with them, my partner thinks this is insulting.

OP posts:
Savingforarainyday · 04/01/2020 15:15

It's fine.

Unless it's a pony

CoffeeCoinneseur · 04/01/2020 15:16

I think your ex is bang out of order even introducing the children to his new partner while you and he are still living together.

How old are the children?

What a head fuck for them... mum and dad still live together but here's dads girlfriend Confused

GailCindy · 04/01/2020 15:17

Sounds to me like you're jealous that you're new partner hasn't made that effort and he feels shown up too. Its not necessary but it isn't a problem.

BigOldOakTree · 04/01/2020 15:17

I'm really really not jealous

Do you also say 'I have a great life without him'. 'I'm much happier'.

I call BS.

feliciabirthgiver · 04/01/2020 15:17

What @Savingforarainyday said

MrsWhites · 04/01/2020 15:18

I also think it’s nice of her to think of your children, if she’d purchased a massively extravagant gift I could more see your point.

I find it stranger that your new partner has such an opinion of what your ex’s partner does to be honest!

BigOldOakTree · 04/01/2020 15:18

@CoffeeCoinneseur - please also mention that OP has introduced her new partner to the kids also!

Christmasgrinch234 · 04/01/2020 15:19

Alarm bells would be ringing if she presented them a trip to disney for the summer. But a couple of normal gifts absolutely normal.

Sounds like a nice gesture to me.

Ponoka7 · 04/01/2020 15:19

I agree that they shouldn't know about your new, partners until you have lived separately for some time.

So on that basis YANBU.

How long has your relationship been over?

SandyY2K · 04/01/2020 15:19

She trying to earn brownie points. It's often the way with the new GF... then in time shell be complaining about doing all the parenting in the stepparent board.

I do think the kids shouldn't meet new partners until you live apart from your Ex.

Cohle · 04/01/2020 15:19

I think if you were really happy your ex had a new partner you wouldn't be calling her needy and getting hung up over such a non-event.

Why not be glad she's taking an interest in your kids with a couple of suitably low key gifts. Maybe next year your new partner can rise to the event.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 04/01/2020 15:20

@BigOldOakTree where does it say that? I must have missed it, I can't see that the OP says that anywhere?

BinkyBaa · 04/01/2020 15:20

You're overthinking it OP. Gifts don't have to mean anything aside from wanting to gift someone something.

user1471449295 · 04/01/2020 15:20

I think your DC are probably more confused at the fact mum and dad live together but have boyfriends and girlfriends to be honest. A nice gesture is being made out to be shady and insulting by yourself and new boyfriend

plunkplunkfizz · 04/01/2020 15:21

What a nice thing for her to do. You should be very pleased he’s met someone willing to build a relationship with the children by purchasing small token gifts like advent calendars.

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2020 15:22

How old are the kids?

OwlBeThere · 04/01/2020 15:22

I think it’s weird that you think it’s weird.
I really don’t understand what is insulting about it either?
Maybe...and this might blow your mind...maybe she’s just trying to be nice? Maybe she’s a big nervous of someone else’s kids and it’s her way of making a good impression? Maybe she’s just the kind of person who likes to buy gifts.

You are overthinking and overreacting in a big way.

BigOldOakTree · 04/01/2020 15:23

@CoffeeCoinneseur she mentions her partner a lot and he has opinions on this gift giving. Do you think he hasn't met the children yet? Perhaps OP can clarify, has your partner met your children too?

SteelRiver · 04/01/2020 15:23

I think you are overreacting a bit. You dont need to see her buying little gifts as trying to replace you.

Spied · 04/01/2020 15:24

A small gift is a lovely gesture.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 04/01/2020 15:24

Ah get a grip, you sound like hard work.

I'm divorced and I love that my ex's partner buys things for DS, I'm glad that she cares about him.

I bet you'd be complaining if she showed no interest in your children as well.

Original poster
stedmunds · 04/01/2020 15:24

I'm not jealous, no really! It was me who initiated the split ffs!

I will concede one thing though, the ex's new partner earns a lot (£100k+) and that worries me, but the core issue I have is that I think it's odd to buy stuff for people you dont know.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/01/2020 15:25

I'd agree with you if they were big gifts (like someone said - I trip to Disney land or something) but they were just small things and a nice thing to do.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 04/01/2020 15:26

Do agree though that both your new partners shouldn't be meeting the children yet though.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/01/2020 15:27

So you're worried about her being able to buy your children's affection?