Presents from ex's new partner to my kids

[stedmunds]

AIBU to think it's unacceptable for my ex's new partner to buy gifts and then xmas presents for our children?

I've split with my partner but we are still sharing a house until we sell, we both have new partners.

My ex's new partner has bought the kids a couple of small gifts, an advent calendar (before they had even met), and now xmas presents, they met once just before xmas.

My new partner also has kids I would not think it was appropriate to buy them presents yet, my new partner agrees.

Firstly I do not think it's appropriate to buy gifts/presents for people you have not built up a relationship with, that seems a bit 'needy' to me.

Secondly, I think it's even more inappropriate to buy gifts/presents for kids who you have not built up a relationship with, mainly because kids are more easily influenced by this.

Thirdly, (why my partner thinks it's wrong) I think it's wrong for them to buy gifts/presents for my kids while I'm sharing a house with them, my partner thinks this is insulting.

It's fine.

Unless it's a pony

I think your ex is bang out of order even introducing the children to his new partner while you and he are still living together.

How old are the children?

What a head fuck for them... mum and dad still live together but here's dads girlfriend

Sounds to me like you're jealous that you're new partner hasn't made that effort and he feels shown up too. Its not necessary but it isn't a problem.

I'm really really not jealous

Do you also say 'I have a great life without him'. 'I'm much happier'.

I call BS.

What @Savingforarainyday said

I also think it’s nice of her to think of your children, if she’d purchased a massively extravagant gift I could more see your point.

I find it stranger that your new partner has such an opinion of what your ex’s partner does to be honest!

@CoffeeCoinneseur - please also mention that OP has introduced her new partner to the kids also!

Alarm bells would be ringing if she presented them a trip to disney for the summer. But a couple of normal gifts absolutely normal.

Sounds like a nice gesture to me.

I agree that they shouldn't know about your new, partners until you have lived separately for some time.

So on that basis YANBU.

How long has your relationship been over?

She trying to earn brownie points. It's often the way with the new GF... then in time shell be complaining about doing all the parenting in the stepparent board.

I do think the kids shouldn't meet new partners until you live apart from your Ex.

I think if you were really happy your ex had a new partner you wouldn't be calling her needy and getting hung up over such a non-event.

Why not be glad she's taking an interest in your kids with a couple of suitably low key gifts. Maybe next year your new partner can rise to the event.

@BigOldOakTree where does it say that? I must have missed it, I can't see that the OP says that anywhere?

You're overthinking it OP. Gifts don't have to mean anything aside from wanting to gift someone something.

I think your DC are probably more confused at the fact mum and dad live together but have boyfriends and girlfriends to be honest. A nice gesture is being made out to be shady and insulting by yourself and new boyfriend

What a nice thing for her to do. You should be very pleased he’s met someone willing to build a relationship with the children by purchasing small token gifts like advent calendars.

How old are the kids?

I think it’s weird that you think it’s weird.
I really don’t understand what is insulting about it either?
Maybe...and this might blow your mind...maybe she’s just trying to be nice? Maybe she’s a big nervous of someone else’s kids and it’s her way of making a good impression? Maybe she’s just the kind of person who likes to buy gifts.

You are overthinking and overreacting in a big way.

@CoffeeCoinneseur she mentions her partner a lot and he has opinions on this gift giving. Do you think he hasn't met the children yet? Perhaps OP can clarify, has your partner met your children too?

I think you are overreacting a bit. You dont need to see her buying little gifts as trying to replace you.

A small gift is a lovely gesture.

Ah get a grip, you sound like hard work.

I'm divorced and I love that my ex's partner buys things for DS, I'm glad that she cares about him.

I bet you'd be complaining if she showed no interest in your children as well.

I'm not jealous, no really! It was me who initiated the split ffs!

I will concede one thing though, the ex's new partner earns a lot (£100k+) and that worries me, but the core issue I have is that I think it's odd to buy stuff for people you dont know.

I'd agree with you if they were big gifts (like someone said - I trip to Disney land or something) but they were just small things and a nice thing to do.

Do agree though that both your new partners shouldn't be meeting the children yet though.

So you're worried about her being able to buy your children's affection?