SIL's Christmas gift involves 2 days off work WIBU not to accept it?

[peoplepleaser1]

SIL has bought DH and I (plus SIL and BIL) tickets to a band that we like for Christmas. Lovely gift but it's in Dublin, on a week day and the plan is that we go for a couple of days.

I was made redundant in February last year. Picked myself up and set up a dog waking and cat care business. It's been a long hard slog but it's going pretty well. I work alone, this works well for me because I feel it means I can guarantee a consistent, excellent, reliable service.

DH has a great job and is earning way way more than me. He has 4 weeks of holiday entitlement at work plus a few extra days as he quite often works extra days.... He loves to go away so we tend to take 4 weeks of actual holiday away from home.

It's tricky taking holidays in my job as people rely on me, plus if I don't work I don't earn. However I've taken the view that I'm a real person, and I need a break- so last year I gave clients loads of notice and took four weeks off in the year.

TBH given the choice I wouldn't have taken so much time in my first year, but it means so much to DH and he works so hard that I felt I should.

I don't want to go on this trip to Dublin. Looking at flights I don't think I can do it with less than 2 days off. I'm not London based so unless I travel for hours my flight options are limited.

I would also have childcare and dog care to arrange- both doable but costly and tricky.

Am I ungrateful to be annoyed that SIL has booked this trip without asking me if I could make it work? DH thinks I should just give my customers lots of notice and go. I feel that's a bit dismissive of my job- I want to be reliable, and I'm working so hard to build a client base and make my business work.

I've got my knickers in a twist about this and am really annoyed at SIL for booking it, and DH for getting annoyed when I said I wasn't sure I should go (he says it will cause a lot of upset if I don't go).

TBH if I thought I could justify a couple of days off here and there I would choose to do it in the school holidays to spend time with DC!

AIBU?

You sound like you don't want to go - your husband does. Get him to ask a friend to go with him and use the 4th ticket.

If you wanted to go you would make it work. So I think deep down you just don't want to go.

Great idea, but DH thinks I should go and will cause offence if I don't. I would like to go, but not at the expense of something I've worked so hard for.....

I think because you took the four weeks last year they probably didn't think it would be a problem. Your post sounds like there are 2 issues. On potentially taking leave (but you did that last year so they might not see this as a real issue) but it also sounds like you don't want to do this particular trip (totally in your rights not too but using inability to take leave sounds like an excuse so will put backs up)

but not at the expense of something I've worked so hard for.....

It's two days. You already take 20 days off (plus banks?) From the dog walking. So it's not that much to either cut off the 4 planned weeks (take two 6day weeks),Or just take two additional days off.

Delegate the childcare arrangements to dh.

I can see where you husband is coming from - if you can arrange 4 weeks off work then 2 days shouldn’t be a problem.... BUT if you don’t want to go then you don’t have to. You’re not obliged to make the trip just because it’s a present, though I think you should let DH know he can go without resentment from you.

I complete get where your coming from, we’re S/E and holidays are carefully planned with lots of notice and clients still get pissed off.
I think it’s just of if the negatives of that line of work and unfortunately SIL hasn’t realised it’s not suitable for your working pattern and business model for the service your offering.

Sorry to drip feed- I should have said that next years four weeks holiday are already booked off DH's work and we plan to go away or camping so these days will be in addition to that.....

They should have checked really but it sounds like it was well intended.

You’ve got Guns and roses tickets for Dublin and you don’t want to go? Mad

When is it? Next month, Ok probably not enough notice. March onwards, I think you're just making excuses.

If you'd had four weeks of last year and were planning a similar amount off this year it just wouldn't occur to me that taking leave was a huge issue for you. I don't think your SIL has been inconsiderate at all.

@Decidewhattobeandgobeit not Guns and Roses sadly!

These two days are in addition to the 4 weeks I'll already be taking. It's not that I don't want to go, it's a lovely idea but every time I don't work I let clients down, they have to find cover (which can pose a risk as they may decide to stick with that alternative arrangement), and they grumble at me because it's a PITA for them.

I think it’s just excises especially re clients. You’re already taking off four weeks so two extra days is nothing as they already have to make alternative arrangements for a month each year.

i suppose it depends on when it is and if you really really want to go

if you really wanted to go, you'd make it work.

You just don't want to go. If you took 4 weeks off last year then 2 days doesn't seem such a big deal to be honest.

If you wanted to go you would make it work. So I think deep down you just don't want to go.

^This. You are just using your work as a pretence.

YABU, and clearly looking for an excuse not to go away with SIL. You’ll cause unnecessary upset if you don’t go.

It’s only 2 days. Just do it.
If your cat/dog business is doing well, think about advertising for a teen helper you can pay and can cover for you. There are always 16-18yr olds taking A levels or BTECs with flexible schedules and desperate to earn some money.

We use dog walking and it wouldn't be a huge issue provided we know in advance. Could you team up with another local pet carer and offer a reciprocal arrangement for your clients?

You don’t rally want to go. Ask DH to find another family member of a friend to take. Let him go with no resentment - no comments about how you’re looking after DC while he’s away. Be excited for him.

Looking at it from another angle, why don't you make the Dublin trip one of your main holidays? The gig could become the highlight of the stay, but you could also get to see something more of the country.

You take leave all the time so you aren't that concerned about your customers making alternate arrangements
I don't know what your problem is therefore since you saying you do want to go

Saying that I do think giving gifts that will actually cost people in the long run (flights/hotels etc to get somewhere) is inconsiderate

Thank you for all the replies. I'm really surprised- I thought people would think it's important to not take days off here and there when people rely on me.

My work is absolutely not an excuse, I've missed so much in the past year that I'd have liked to have done because I didn't want to let people down and I wanted to make my business work!

When is it? With notice your clients will be fine.