SIL's Christmas gift involves 2 days off work WIBU not to accept it?

[peoplepleaser1]

SIL has bought DH and I (plus SIL and BIL) tickets to a band that we like for Christmas. Lovely gift but it's in Dublin, on a week day and the plan is that we go for a couple of days.

I was made redundant in February last year. Picked myself up and set up a dog waking and cat care business. It's been a long hard slog but it's going pretty well. I work alone, this works well for me because I feel it means I can guarantee a consistent, excellent, reliable service.

DH has a great job and is earning way way more than me. He has 4 weeks of holiday entitlement at work plus a few extra days as he quite often works extra days.... He loves to go away so we tend to take 4 weeks of actual holiday away from home.

It's tricky taking holidays in my job as people rely on me, plus if I don't work I don't earn. However I've taken the view that I'm a real person, and I need a break- so last year I gave clients loads of notice and took four weeks off in the year.

TBH given the choice I wouldn't have taken so much time in my first year, but it means so much to DH and he works so hard that I felt I should.

I don't want to go on this trip to Dublin. Looking at flights I don't think I can do it with less than 2 days off. I'm not London based so unless I travel for hours my flight options are limited.

I would also have childcare and dog care to arrange- both doable but costly and tricky.

Am I ungrateful to be annoyed that SIL has booked this trip without asking me if I could make it work? DH thinks I should just give my customers lots of notice and go. I feel that's a bit dismissive of my job- I want to be reliable, and I'm working so hard to build a client base and make my business work.

I've got my knickers in a twist about this and am really annoyed at SIL for booking it, and DH for getting annoyed when I said I wasn't sure I should go (he says it will cause a lot of upset if I don't go).

TBH if I thought I could justify a couple of days off here and there I would choose to do it in the school holidays to spend time with DC!

AIBU?

If you already have bookings over the dates just tell your SIL this. I don't think it would be good for business if you cancel bookings unless it was an absolute emergency.

You've got 6 months to sort this. 2 days with 6 months notice is nothing. It's a lovely gift

we run same business plus home sitting and know how hard it is to set something like this up. what people dont understand is if you put off clients to say go away you run the risk of them going somewhere else for their own needs and not coming back. this year 4 nearly 5 years on is the first time we took a long weekend but only because we had just 3 regulars who were quite happy to wait for us to come back home. i should imagine its a blow but cant your oh take a friend or something

Oh I assumed it was just regular weekly dog walking you would need to cancel. If you have cot bookings (assume this is for people who have booked to go away) then no O wouldn't cancel.

I would go. I’m self employed too and I know it’s hard taking time off as no work means no money but we all deserve a break and we are all human, as long as you give clients enough notice then it’s fine.

I think you could probably manage the time off if you wanted to BUT I also think it’s very wrong to buy other people gifts on pre set dates and involving travel and leave without checking with them first! Very inconsiderate.

I think you could go if you really wanted to - however if I was in your position I wouldn’t want to
I wouldn’t want to get someone else to look after my kids and I wouldn’t want to let pre booked clients down
Also, Dublin schools break up in June so depending on the date it could be very expensive for flights and hotels as it’s school holidays
I would ask DH to find someone else to go with

@peoplepleaser1 - I know it's a new business, but it's only viable in the long term if it allows you to take holidays and cover absence if you're ill or other life events get in the way. When you are what your customers are buying rather than the service then that's both a strength and a weakness.

You may think it's a challenge to your business to arrange an alternate to cover for this unexpected gift. But unlike many challenges you could face in the future it's at least giving you advance notice and time to prepare. You've got time to find someone that can cover for you, train them, be happy that they know what to do to maintain your service quality, and bring them within your insurance for the cover period - including the four weeks you currently expect your clients to make other arrangements.

Plus surely your SIL will understand that due to the nature of being self-employed this isn't going to work for you. And if she doesn't understand this, it's better not to go, so she'll understand in the future and ask first.

Even with six months notice cancelling the cat bookings will mean loss of custom. Clients who book far in advance value that reassurance. People model their values in their own behaviour- the customers that have planned and booked so far in advance value the reliability and trust the op to appreciate that. To cancel them would be letting them down and likely colour their view of op.

It seems like you are angry at your SIL for other reasons. Is she a “lady of leisure” who can do as she likes when she likes, and it pisses you off that she doesn’t understand that you have commitments?

I think people would be more sympathetic to your loyalty to your clients if you weren’t already adamant that you were taking 4 weeks off. You’ve obviously managed to cover those, so to the casual observer it seems like it’s not an issue to arrange cover for another couple or three days. If you were saying that you couldn’t take any time at all off because you were building your business and didn’t want to let clients down, people would be more understanding IYSWIM.

Go. You are making mountains out od something you at the end of the day make work for 20 days a year ! Just enjoy it and. Be gracious about the gift. Its just excuses which your inlaws will see right through

@Lulualla that's a super idea but in reality doesn't work well. There are two main business models - people who employ staff (always minimum wage as otherwise it doesn't stack up), and those who do the work themselves.

Those with staff much more often have issues of unreliability, poor service and incidents.

There just aren't reliable, good walkers able to offer of cover here and there. When I go away I do offer to find cover and I have made this work for me customers but it is extremely difficult to arrange cover with walkers that I trust. There are only a handful that I would place my own dog (and therefore my client's dogs with), and they tend to be full!

I agree with pp who have said that if you have bookings in for those dates, you should honour them. It’ll damage your reputation if you cancel. I’d not book you again if you did this to me, even with notice, as I’d think you were unreliable.

The flip side of the general consensus here is that only the other day I was singing the praises of our dog walker, recommmending her to a new dog owner, and one of the 'plus' points was that she publishes her days off at the start of the year and sticks to them religiously. She is 100% reliable....

That doesn't mean I would look elsewhere if she added more days to it, or that she doesn't have other good points, but I obviously wouldn't have been able to say the above.

When you're on your deathbed will you remember how many days you didn't take off or the memories with those you love. Nobody is indispensable dear.

I would be annoyed if my dog walker did this and a I am super understanding about her needing to having holidays.

You SIL's gift is unconvincing dozens of people and genuinely does pose a risk that some clients won't go back..

Of course YANBU

inconveniencing not unconvincing....

I'm surprised people think work is an excuse and you don't really want to go!

Your self employed!!! As in you dont work you dont paid, as in if your unreliable people go elsewhere and its a newish business. My dog is a loveable tricky bastard (rescue with issues some of which are his personality )and I would put up with the four wks off if you were amazing with him and trustworthy. If I had an easy dog I would look elsewhere as it is never mind chucking in another two days off.

Is your business and your personal success not important to your DH?

I'm amazed that so many people would happily take a gift that involved two days off work without being asked in advance if they could make it work

So am I. Not only that but giving people "gifts" incurring costs and difficult arrangements in general should discuss them first if they care as much about the recipients as their performance giving.

Does your SiL understand what running a business involves or does she think you have a "little job" with DH being the big earning cheese? Does he think the same? Possibly neither grasp the importance of reliability in a service business, especially a new business.

Tell him to take a friend, you simply can't take the time off work and that your business is as important as his. You have already prioritised his wishes to take lengthy holidays whilst starting a small business.

There is a secondary issue though from a business perspective. As you build it up you will need to build in some reliable cover for emergencies. Possibly someone working with you regularly so that you can maintain the service level or confidence but this is part of the growth of the business, not so that you can randomly drop stuff.

It's not that I don't want to go, it's a lovely idea but every time I don't work I let clients down, they have to find cover (which can pose a risk as they may decide to stick with that alternative arrangement), and they grumble at me because it's a PITA for them.

^Your business won’t last if you don’t have cover for situations like leave or illness. What if you were too ill to work, then what?

You're running a business so you can't go to Dublin. I get the feeling your family don't see it as a proper business which is quite disrespectful.

Just because dh earns more it doesn't mean your work is less valid.
If your gut is saying don't go then don't go.
They'll get over it but your business may suffer if you do go.

I surprised so many people would be happy to take time off work because someone else has decided to send them somewhere that's going to cost them literally hundreds of pounds.

Fuck that shit. It's a thoughtless gift that I really wouldn't appreciate. I see your issue is more with taking time off work but I would be really unhappy to receive a gift that meant me paying for flights and hotels and food out for a couple of days. That's not a gift. Gifts are not supposed to cost the recipient.

Thanks @SilentTights , that's exactly what I do. All my customers know my holidays already for next year. I feel that four weeks is a reasonable amount- it's kind of the minimum holiday entitlement for a FT employed person. More days feels like it a taking her mickey.

I do understand people saying I should arrange cover but really it's not that easy. These dogs are people's precious pets, they trust me, and I don't trust many other people, mainly because sadly I'm too well aware of the pitfalls.

Agree with PPs that you just don’t want to go, and that the business is an excuse.

You’re lucky, with DC, to take four weeks holiday away from home last year.

There MAY be more issues with the business model working with others, but there are also big downsides with doing everything alone, for you, your family and clients too. If I was a client for this kind of service, and relied on it, I would prefer to use someone who had visible “back up”, otherwise would look to use someone else regularly too so as not to be at risk of stress if you were unexpectedly unavailable.