SIL's Christmas gift involves 2 days off work WIBU not to accept it?

[peoplepleaser1]

SIL has bought DH and I (plus SIL and BIL) tickets to a band that we like for Christmas. Lovely gift but it's in Dublin, on a week day and the plan is that we go for a couple of days.

I was made redundant in February last year. Picked myself up and set up a dog waking and cat care business. It's been a long hard slog but it's going pretty well. I work alone, this works well for me because I feel it means I can guarantee a consistent, excellent, reliable service.

DH has a great job and is earning way way more than me. He has 4 weeks of holiday entitlement at work plus a few extra days as he quite often works extra days.... He loves to go away so we tend to take 4 weeks of actual holiday away from home.

It's tricky taking holidays in my job as people rely on me, plus if I don't work I don't earn. However I've taken the view that I'm a real person, and I need a break- so last year I gave clients loads of notice and took four weeks off in the year.

TBH given the choice I wouldn't have taken so much time in my first year, but it means so much to DH and he works so hard that I felt I should.

I don't want to go on this trip to Dublin. Looking at flights I don't think I can do it with less than 2 days off. I'm not London based so unless I travel for hours my flight options are limited.

I would also have childcare and dog care to arrange- both doable but costly and tricky.

Am I ungrateful to be annoyed that SIL has booked this trip without asking me if I could make it work? DH thinks I should just give my customers lots of notice and go. I feel that's a bit dismissive of my job- I want to be reliable, and I'm working so hard to build a client base and make my business work.

I've got my knickers in a twist about this and am really annoyed at SIL for booking it, and DH for getting annoyed when I said I wasn't sure I should go (he says it will cause a lot of upset if I don't go).

TBH if I thought I could justify a couple of days off here and there I would choose to do it in the school holidays to spend time with DC!

AIBU?

I would tell your DH that if he is insistent on you going, he can pay for your travel, hotel and food costs to go, and sort childcare. You'll be sorting out your customers and losing money for the days you're away. He makes 4x what you do, so shouldn't be a problem.

I’m actually just stating a fact

What you posted was completely irrelevant to the OPs issue though @jumpi. Pretty sure that the OP is aware that 'the economy won't crash' and that 'dogs will still need walking' when she returns.

That doesn't change the fact that the OP feels that these tickets present a problem for her. Doesn't matter what you think of her business to be honest, I don't really know what the point of your comment was other than to be a bit snippy.

Another one who thinks yanbu

Your holiday plans are well thought out and give your clients clear information. I think SIL & DH are the unreasonable ones with no empathy or insight for the plight of a self employed small business owner who is trying to build a consistent and reliable reputation. You have my sympathy for their thoughtlessness.

If I was building my business and a relative gave me tickets to something that meant they thought I could effectively shut up shop for two days (and not get paid) without mentioning it to me beforehand to check it was doable I’d be furious. You’re not doing a paper round, you’re running your own business!

DH works as a freelancer and our SIL gave us tickets to a festival for toddlers which, if he’d gone with us, would have effectively cost him £400 because he’d have been unpaid and taking time off. We found someone else to use his ticket, it’s rude and shows at best a lack of understanding of how other people work and at worst an active derision of their work.

jumpi

Get a life

This comment only goes to show you really are horrible. It also reinforces the point that you were deliberately nasty to OP. Oh, it too shows that you are lacking in the 'ability to think' department.

Imagine thinking someone who defended a poster over a nasty comment needs' a life'

You have been in the attack repeatedly. That's your problem and no one else's.

How much notice would you be giving? I think if it's more than a month it's not really a problem. If you can afford the travel or get a babysitter that's different and I'd just say no.

I will be with SIL again today. She's likely to mention the tickets- I'm rubbish at finding the right words, and she's very bossy! However, I'm determined not to put myself in a position where I say I'm going to go- because then I will have to.

I've asked DH not to say anything that means I can't politely decline the tickets. He's worried about upsetting SIL, and says he feels stuck in the middle and doesn't want anyone to be upset- I've assured him he must go and that I will deal with SIL mussel and that he sow st need to be in the middle as he doesn't have to agree with me or back me up, that it's ok not to agree with me.

DH then pointed out that if his colleague has already booked those two days in June off then he "absolutely can't go" and maybe that would "make the whole thing easier". So I guess that is telling in terms of how he sees my job compared to his!

Accept the tickets , sell them

The four weeks holiday already set are a red herring. The OP is presumably advising clients about those dates already and not taking any bookings.

These additional 2 days already have booking with clients, and as a new business, OP clearly doesn't want to risk these clients going elsewhere permanently.

It's also clear that the OP's DH and SIL are not giving any consideration to OP, or they would understand OP not wanting to let clients down. They can't think much of OP's business.

And giving a gift that means the recipient has to spend money or take time off to use that gift is, to me, out of order. If you want to do that, discuss it with the person first.

EG, DS has GCSEs this year in June, no way would I accept a gift that could take me out of town during the exam period.

"So I guess that is telling in terms of how he sees my job compared to his!"

Don't be too hard on your husband, he is realising you can not easily go and he is now thinking about extracting you with minimal collateral damage. Probably more reflecting on what he knows is your SiL's perception of your work than his own.

As I said, I get this all the time too and I am a bloke. "You are self employed, just close shop for a day or two!"

Doesn't look like you want to go. On the other note, don't be so frightened to give your clients long notice: they NEED YOU to look after their dogs, not other way round. If you are good at what you do, they will still want you after your return.

YANBU; this isn't a gift - it's a chore with added costs.

Why don't you work two bank holidays or weekends something like that to make up for it financially? I think most dog owners wouldn't mind as long as you give them plenty of notice!

I don’t really think your clients would expect you to work constantly all year round without an odd day or two off here and there.. even if you are also taking a block of holidays.
Childminders take random days off so why not dog walkers?

You could offer to walk their dogs on the weekend either before or after. I don’t think you’ll lose clients especially if giving notice now

I think you should go.

Dublin is good fun after a concert. If it’s in 3 arena take a rickshaw ride back into town and head to the bars. When do you ever get a couple of nights away without kids.

This was one of the reasons I realised a pet sitting business was not for me (at the moment anyway) as you can never take unscheduled days off! My catsitter has clients booked in months in advance.

You’re right OP and also, Dublin is really expensive especially when there’s a concert on so your present could end up costing you nearly a grand! (Is it green day??)

I'd tell SIL today that you can't cancel pre booked appointments as it is a growing business. Thanks for the thought. She can go with her husband so it is no real loss to her if you go or not. I Guessed she was bossy as a gift that ties you to certain dates, and costs you more is typical of a bossy person. She wants you all to go to the concert and engineered a situation where she gets her way. I would have no hesitation in saying no, doesn't suit, thanks anyway.

I absolutely hate 'gifts' like this.

Gig tickets annoy the hell out of me , it's usually the giver yhat wants to go and needs someone to go with ..they are really selfish presents.

Quite a few occasions I have been given tickets to concerts as my 'big' present on birthdays or Christmas, and I end up not going and the tickets wasted due to

A) Not actually being that bothered about the artist or event

B) Logistically not practical- different parts of the country , chilcare needed, holiday days needed that I can't take.

C) Unreasonable added costs- trains and hotels adding to over £100 of my own money that I'm not willing to spend.

I havd been accused of being boring and ungrateful for not using these 'gifts', but I could counter that they were thoughtless to start with.

OP, I would decline this present honestly and clearly..state to SIL that she must realise that you would have to compromise your business, take extra holiday and endure extra costs..act puzzled as to why she didn't check with you first for something like this.

You are not the bad guy here, your sil is being incredibly thoughtless!

I don't know why ppl keep mentioning the 4 weeks OP already has off. That is the minimum statutory leave that ppl with employers get and OP knows in advance and so (presumably) will have let her clients know and not taken bookings for those days. YANBU OP, I think you should just tell SIL that you have bookings and cant let your clients down. Your DH can go and they can give the 4th ticket to another friend/relative.

DH then pointed out that if his colleague has already booked those two days in June off then he "absolutely can't go" and maybe that would "make the whole thing easier"

that is a very dickish thing to do say which does devalue the importance of your work and the logitiscis of it.

Have you actually booked things to do for the four weeks next year or have you just told clients you're taking them off.

I am pretty sure nobody would think badly of you if you said we received concert tickets for Christmas as a surprise so are changing the dates slightly so instead of 4 weeks we will be taking 3.5 as planned and these 2 days.

Of course if you have already booked to go away those 4 weeks then you'd have to take these two days as extra ones. But surely that's the beauty of being self employed - the only person you answer to is you?

You are not the bad guy here, your sil is being incredibly thoughtless!

This ^

YANBU, op!

I really can't see how not walking dogs for two days, presumably with quite a bit of notice, is going to compromise the OP's business.

I do kind of agree that people should check your movements before they book things like that. Years ago my son did a Saturday morning activity and the teacher was bought a trip to Argentina by her parents so she just cancelled the activity for January with virtually no notice. We didn't pay but I was a bit surprised they booked it for so soon after Christmas knowing that she had professional commitments.

And another time there were three of us in a team. The rule was only one of us could be off at one time unless it was just a day. I'd had a week booked off at Easter for months. Then my other colleague's parents booked for her to go on an Easter cruise with them leaving my boss in a very awkward position. In the end she said that she could go but it was just wrong.

I think you can take two days out of a dog walking business without too much difficulty, but people should check you don't have other commitments.

he says it will cause a lot of upset if I don't go).

Well, maybe he needs to find out just how much upset you are feeling, caused by SiL booking something without checking with you.

It's just so inconsiderate: I would not be inclined to go on a holiday unless I had been consulted in the planning for dates etc

As you are, and have already taken, a whole month off each year, YABU to say you can't take an extra two days! Especially with six months notice.

This really.

What do you do when there is an emergency or you are ill OP?

Tbh it is blaringly obvious from your posts that the issue really is not about taking two days off work and is about not being asked first.

I get that. Last year something similar happened to DH and I except the event involved was on one of day of a two day annual competition my DC enters. I was really annoyed about it but we compromised. DC lost one day and we went.

For something like two annual leave days, there really isn’t any need to take a stance tbh. If you don’t want to go then tell them in advance so they can ask someone else.

It's annoying how people aren't taking the op's business seriously.