SIL's Christmas gift involves 2 days off work WIBU not to accept it?

[peoplepleaser1]

SIL has bought DH and I (plus SIL and BIL) tickets to a band that we like for Christmas. Lovely gift but it's in Dublin, on a week day and the plan is that we go for a couple of days.

I was made redundant in February last year. Picked myself up and set up a dog waking and cat care business. It's been a long hard slog but it's going pretty well. I work alone, this works well for me because I feel it means I can guarantee a consistent, excellent, reliable service.

DH has a great job and is earning way way more than me. He has 4 weeks of holiday entitlement at work plus a few extra days as he quite often works extra days.... He loves to go away so we tend to take 4 weeks of actual holiday away from home.

It's tricky taking holidays in my job as people rely on me, plus if I don't work I don't earn. However I've taken the view that I'm a real person, and I need a break- so last year I gave clients loads of notice and took four weeks off in the year.

TBH given the choice I wouldn't have taken so much time in my first year, but it means so much to DH and he works so hard that I felt I should.

I don't want to go on this trip to Dublin. Looking at flights I don't think I can do it with less than 2 days off. I'm not London based so unless I travel for hours my flight options are limited.

I would also have childcare and dog care to arrange- both doable but costly and tricky.

Am I ungrateful to be annoyed that SIL has booked this trip without asking me if I could make it work? DH thinks I should just give my customers lots of notice and go. I feel that's a bit dismissive of my job- I want to be reliable, and I'm working so hard to build a client base and make my business work.

I've got my knickers in a twist about this and am really annoyed at SIL for booking it, and DH for getting annoyed when I said I wasn't sure I should go (he says it will cause a lot of upset if I don't go).

TBH if I thought I could justify a couple of days off here and there I would choose to do it in the school holidays to spend time with DC!

AIBU?

The four weeks that DH has booked off. Have you actually booked trips for those weeks? Because you could Include the Dublin trip as part of the four weeks.

It means both you and DH compromising. SIL doesn’t get her well intentioned gift thrown back in her face. Your clients are not put out. You are not losing any additional money.

I can see your point and I really think any gift that involves the recipient having to use leave, spend money on travel/accommodation or arrange child/pet care, isn’t a great gift unless you’ve actually confirmed with them before purchasing.

That said, I think in this case you should weight up whether saving the 2 days leave is worth the potential hurt feelings. For me it wouldn’t be worth upsetting someone who seems to have bought the gift with the best of intentions.

BTW I think your customers will find it a lot easier to make alternative arrangements for this short trip than the four week period you intend taking again this year.

It was inconsiderate. I occasionally book tickets as gifts but always check if the recipient is available. Also a bit mean to book something that will cost you a lot.

These two days are in addition to the 4 weeks I'll already be taking. It's not that I don't want to go, it's a lovely idea but every time I don't work I let clients down, they have to find cover (which can pose a risk as they may decide to stick with that alternative arrangement), and they grumble at me because it's a PITA for them.

If you truly want your business to do well, you need to sort the cover for yourself not leave it to your clients. Especially if you are now expecting to take a full holiday entitlement. You will lose clients if you keep this business model and don’t hire a helper to cover OR find another cat/dog walker and sign an agreement to cover for each other.

@PlanDeRaccordement I don't want to pay someone else to cover me. There have been some really disappointing mistakes when other similar businesses have done this- including a dog getting run over, and another getting lost overnight. One of the reasons many of my customers use me is that I do the work myself rather than delegating it.

When is it?

Do you currently have bookings on the days you are being asked to take off? When is the trip?

To me it sounds like you just don't want to go. I don't think the work excuse will be enough to not cause any hurt. You could easily knock two days off your 4 weeks and still have great family holidays plus have the two day trip.

Sorry, I should clarify- the four weeks aren't all together, they are spaced over the year.

It would be difficult to make the Dublin trip one of these weeks as we won't have the DC with us- they aren't part of the rip and will be in school.

I'd be utterly delighted if DH went and they found someone to take my place.

It's in June, I have cat bookings on the dates and dog waking regulars every day.

I would not consider this a proper gift. Anything which is going to inconvenience me, cost me money or more time than I can spare is not a gift. Just say sorry I can’t go due to work commitments. If DH can go with a friend then great but if he can’t afford the time either then hand the pair of tickets back.

It is important not to let people down. But you only seem to be applying that to the two days related to your SIL's gift, not the four weeks your DH wants you to take. Given that, I'm not sure how your SIL was psychically meant to know how difficult holidays supposedly are for you.

I'm amazed that so many people would happily take a gift that involved two days off work without being asked in advance if they could make it work.

The cost of flights, hotel, kennels, etc etc is a separate issue that also worries me- but by far the biggest concern is my work and the assumption that I can just take any two days off.

I will have to contact the people who have booked cat care and explain that I can't do it. I will suggest alternative providers but still this feels so unprofessional.

Yanbu. It’s sounds like if it was a gift for four people, how it would affect you hadn’t really been considered. For the givers, it’s killed four birds with one stone, and you have to suck up the consequences of their convenience.

Maybe it would cause offence that you don’t go, but then choosing to give that gift has caused offence to you, so what’s the difference? I can completely understand why you don’t want to take more time off work, and that if you did you’d rather spend it with your children doing something you’d chosen yourself. So don’t go, and get the others that will go to choose someone else to take.

I’m with you OP. Of course you can take holidays when you are S/E but you need to draw a line somewhere. I’m SAHM, my DH works, we arrange holidays and family days off mostly around his schedule and DD’s school time as I’m the most flexible. DH could appears very flexible with holidays but in reality it’s not but none of us would bother relatives with details.
Also I think it’s wrong of SIL to give you a gift which involve time off work , etc it’s not her decision to make. I suspect that she asked your DH about it and he said that it’s ok (and it’s wrong he should ask your opinion) and that’s why he’s annoyed now.

SIL knows that I've turned down lots of things due to needing to work. She knows it's tricky for me to have time off, and has seen me struggle through illness and bereavement to fulfil work commitments that I have.

She knows we have four weeks of holiday sorted as she's joining us for 3 of them!

Yanbu! I can't believe people think you can just cancel clients this way. If you've accepted bookings in advance then you must honour them. Imagine the thread "I booked my cat in for our once in a lifetime trip and the cat kennel cancelled last minute, and now I can't find anyone else that I trust"

I think dh should go alone. Sorry you've been put in this position op.

peoplepleaser1 No advice to offer but just wanted to say how awesome you are starting up a new business from scratch providing such an important service to pet lovers. When we find someone special we can entrust our precious animals to when we are not there, it's so reassuring.

Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right decision for you and frankly, that is what is important.

Its maybe time for you to start interviewing other dog walkers looking for casual work. Take them out with you, get to know them and then hire one or two as casual workers (or simply use them as self employer contractors which would be easier). Then just contract them for 1 week at a time to cover your holidays. You do all the dealing with them, so your clients cant go and hire them permanently. Maybe have a non-compete in your contract or something.

You will have a list of approved dog walkers whom you know and trust and you can ask them if they're available to work a week when needed.

If you were not taking any holiday, at all, by choice as you were growing your business, I would say YANBU.

As you are, and have already taken, a whole month off each year, YABU to say you can't take an extra two days! Especially with six months notice.

Did SIL ask your DH before buying the tickets? I do think she should have asked first but if she didn't, the situation is how it is. You will seem like you're using work as an excuse not to go, on what you have said so far.

Despite your updates, I still think you don't want to go. You took 4 weeks off last yer which as a client is far more difficult to arrange than 2 days. You also state upthread that your DH gets extra days and you want to.use those to go camping. Go camping some other time and go to Dublin to see the band - especially as your DH is on board.

I'm self employed and if I had existing bookings on those days I wouldn't go - my business is my sole source of income and I won't even move clients for better paid bookings, once a date is in, I feel it's my responsibility to honour it. If my diary was clear then I'd suck up the hassle of flights, kennels, etc, but I wouldn't let my clients down - I think your instinct is right OP!

@greenlynx and @NailsNeedDoing thank you for understanding. Exactly that- I need to draw a line somewhere with taking leave.....

Maybe I feel that they aren't taking my work seriously, and I'd have preferred a gift that didn't cause me work issues and additional financial pressures.

Even if you didn't run a business, I think this would still be a pain. Flights, hotels, childcare to arrange and Dublin is expensive.
It's a lovely idea but not realistic without prior consultation.

Dublin aside, you need to sort out emergency cover for your business OP, for days when you really can't perform your duties. There will be days like this inevitably.

A PP suggested having a reciprocal arrangement with another local pet sitter/dog walker. That's a fab idea. Everyone is entitled to holiday and your clients will accept that you need days/weeks off throughout the year - this should be in your contract with them, like a childminder would do. Your clients don't have to use your cover pet carer, but will appreciate that you've made that effort to help.

Go to Dublin and enjoy a few days break. Don't be a martyr!