SIL's Christmas gift involves 2 days off work WIBU not to accept it?

[peoplepleaser1]

SIL has bought DH and I (plus SIL and BIL) tickets to a band that we like for Christmas. Lovely gift but it's in Dublin, on a week day and the plan is that we go for a couple of days.

I was made redundant in February last year. Picked myself up and set up a dog waking and cat care business. It's been a long hard slog but it's going pretty well. I work alone, this works well for me because I feel it means I can guarantee a consistent, excellent, reliable service.

DH has a great job and is earning way way more than me. He has 4 weeks of holiday entitlement at work plus a few extra days as he quite often works extra days.... He loves to go away so we tend to take 4 weeks of actual holiday away from home.

It's tricky taking holidays in my job as people rely on me, plus if I don't work I don't earn. However I've taken the view that I'm a real person, and I need a break- so last year I gave clients loads of notice and took four weeks off in the year.

TBH given the choice I wouldn't have taken so much time in my first year, but it means so much to DH and he works so hard that I felt I should.

I don't want to go on this trip to Dublin. Looking at flights I don't think I can do it with less than 2 days off. I'm not London based so unless I travel for hours my flight options are limited.

I would also have childcare and dog care to arrange- both doable but costly and tricky.

Am I ungrateful to be annoyed that SIL has booked this trip without asking me if I could make it work? DH thinks I should just give my customers lots of notice and go. I feel that's a bit dismissive of my job- I want to be reliable, and I'm working so hard to build a client base and make my business work.

I've got my knickers in a twist about this and am really annoyed at SIL for booking it, and DH for getting annoyed when I said I wasn't sure I should go (he says it will cause a lot of upset if I don't go).

TBH if I thought I could justify a couple of days off here and there I would choose to do it in the school holidays to spend time with DC!

AIBU?

Personally, I wouldn't take the time. You've set up your business, running it in your way, why should you take additional time off you're not comfortable with, for someone else. Emergencies or illness are accepted as unfortunate but I wouldn't be too pleased with my pet sitter (or childminder) taking random days off.

I would send DH either on his own or with a friend and not think anything more of it.

However what you might be able to do going forward is generate a relationship with another dog walker/pet sitter whereby you could cover for each other. Hopefully any drift of clients would be reciprocal between you and balance out, and it means you can offer a trusted alternative which would make you a reliable choice.

I would be v annoyed by this too op. You are trying to grow a business. It's still in its infancy. I get you.

I'm guessing your in laws checked with your dh that it was ok to book the trip. Tour Dh guessed wrong and now doesnt want to lose face. Have a chat with him, I'm sure you can all work this out.

do you feel your job is taking second place
i understand that.
how much notice do you need to give?

oh, its June, you have plenty of time.
just go, enjoy yourselves

You’re a dog walker. The economy won’t crash.

And you are downright nasty

I don't think it's reasonable to be annoyed at what was probably an expensive gift and l dont think you can 'refuse' to accept it' - what do you plan to do, give the ticket back to her? Bit rude, no? If you don't want to go, don't go. Just say it's not possible to take any more time off. She just didn't think it would be an issue, but clearly it is.

Do you get along with SIL normally?

I’m actually just stating a fact @eveshopper but don’t let that stop your dramatics 🙄

jumpi

That it is a fact doesn't make the comment any less derogatory. There was no need to be out and out nasty for the sake of it. I suspect you know that though which is why you have flown onto the defence and had a go at me for pouring it out.

You’re a dog walker. The economy won’t crash.

How snobby. I applaud anyone who works their arse off to set up a business. To rubbish it as you don't think it's worthy is terrible and in my view the OP has a better work ethic that you do.

I do think it's a bit rude to give someone a present including travel without asking them when it includes taking time off and for receiver to lose money.

With the greatest of respect, you’re a dog walker, not a nurse, your clients can make alternative arrangements for two days.

I also suspect your DH was involved in this present because I can't imagine anyone booking such a thing without consulting whether the dates were suitable.

which is why you have flown onto the defence and had a go at me

what. By typing two lines on my phone?

Get a life

I think it's a ridiculous gift.
Seriously who would do this?
Do you think your dh is partly to blame here, did sil check with him and he said it would be fine?
You cannot but a gift like this without first checking
A) the recipient can go on those dates
B) the recipient has excellent, reliable child care
C) the recipient is prepared to spend money on all the compulsory extras this gift entails.For example, travel, food, drinks etc.

My dd had bought me a ticket to an event But she has paid extra for tickets on a day I do not work. She is driving us to the venue. I don't need to consider anyone else. It won't cost me anything.

Nasty comments about the op.
Of course nurses take time off.
Operations get cancelled, or you wait longer to be seen.

Hello @peoplepleaser1 I have a feeling we have spoken on here before, when you were first thinking about setting up. Congratulations on getting your dog walking business going!

We are a similar business and we will only cancel pre arranged bookings for major stuff like medical emergency or close family bereavement. I do have an advantage over you in that I have taken one of my sisters into a partnership so we are able to cover each other's holidays, although obviously we'd both be affected by a family crisis.

I'm sorry that your SIL didn't think through the implications of her gift, but even sorrier that your H isn't taking your business seriously.

FWIW my cat feeder is having 2 weeks off over Crimbo. I thought she might be working the days between Crimbo and New Year, but no. I've found someone else as a one-off, but will be back with her for next time. She's reliable, which has turned out to be very rare, IME, and the cat loves her to bits. So you could go. If you were ill, people would have to manage!

I would feel exactly as you do, the whole gift sounds like a huge expensive hassle to me and am amazed your DH can't see this. Would definitely see if your husband could take a friend or another family member sooner rather than later so you can forget about it.

I really don't understand the posters saying she is only a dog walker. It's her business, her income and her job. It means something to the OP even if you have put it at the bottom of the pile of worthy jobs.

If a teacher, a childminder, a bin man or a waitress said they couldn't or would find it difficult to take time off for a gift they didn't ask for or really want to attend then I wouldn't dismiss their job.

You're a dog walker the economy won't crash. No, of course not, but it is very important to me- it's all I have in terms of income and it's providing me with a good income after a lot of hard work.

It's also very important to my clients. Their pets are very important to them, probably the most precious thing they have after family. For some people trusting someone else with their pets is a huge deal, and I'm
very privileged to be trusted in this way.

I do work with a few other trusted walkers who would help in an emergency. But they really are very full so although henry would help in an emergency, they are less inclined to help with holidays.

I used to do the same as you OP, also after redundancy.

I used to feel that I “had” to be there for my clients and also that I couldn’t say “no”

Until one of my clients kindly pointed that before I came along as the answer to all their per care problems, they had all been making other arrangements themselves anyway. If anything, it actually improved my client relations as they then all became more appreciative and efficient at booking and pre-planning when they needed me 😊

Is there someone else reliable with a similar business, so you could have an arrangement to cover for one another maybe? (Probably like you, other people didn’t necessarily match my own work, ethics, reliability and professional standards though!)

Another wise friend also told me “remember, you have to have a life as well you know”....which gave me some balance.

I say this in the nicest possible way @peoplepleaser1 but you need to loosen the reigns a bit. I know it’s a new business and you’re terrified of losing customers or whatever, but you NEED to hire someone else. I already think taking 4 weeks off with no cover as self employed is insane, but if you actually want a viable business then you need to hire someone that you train up to your standards. So many business owners (myself included) are control freaks and we can’t imagine someone else taking a bit of that control, but take it from someone who has run a business for a long time - you need to hire someone else. You can take on more work, cover sick days, holidays, etc.
As for the gift, I agree it’s stupid to book something that would need you to take time off work for so YANBU for that. However, YABU not to have arrangements for the bereavement/sick days you mentioned earlier.

Thank you for all the helpful advice, it's much appreciated. Thank you to those who have been offended on my behalf to those pointing out how insignificant my business is.

I'm used to people pointing this out. As someone said to me on Christmas Eve I'm actually paid to pick up poo! I have held several executive jobs, and it feels like time to do something that I enjoy, that gets me out in nature and allows me to spend time with animals that I love. So I'm ok with my lowly status in my unimportant job!

It's not that easy to hire someone, it costs money in wages, and insurance and reliable people who will work for a small wage are very hard to come by. I'll give it more thought though.

You need a helper or a network of other dog walkers so you can arrange cover for your clients if needed.

If you really wanted to go you’d be making arrangements to go rather than making excuses not to.

Go or don’t go but make your mind up so people know what’s happening.