Aibu to feel crap my husband and kids haven't got me anything for christmas

[thingamijig1]

I found out for definate today, I had suspected anyway, that my kids and my husband haven't bothered getting me anything for Christmas.
I feel really hurt. I've been trying to instil in the kids that Christmas is about giving and making the people you love smile. But my husband told me this morning they couldn't think what to get me for Christmas so he's just going to give me money 😒
The kids are only 7 and 5 so i am more miffed at my husband. Just seems crap I've put all this effort into making Christmas special and making them all smile and they couldn't give a toss about me 😔
Sorry will stop whining now.

Arnold 😂😂 imagining you wondering around M&S like father Ted.

Oh Gaia, I’m going to have to rewatch that now! It’s brilliant! You’ve just reminded me of when we were flying back from our marriage and honeymoon in Italy and were talking to some priests on the plane (it was like the father Ted scene where the plane is full of priests! They were all over for a beatification) I explained that we had stayed in a beautiful place in a remote mountainous area, when the younger priest asked how on earth we filled our time, the older one piped up “for goodness sake, they were on honeymoon Father Phil! How do you think?” I was rather tipsy so probably laughed louder than I should have. 😳😆

I hope your husband really surprises you with a wonderfully thoughtful gift.

Yanbu you are not the invisible doer for everyone else.

@Arnoldthecat keep it simple, don't wander around the M&S lingerie department, ask for an Amazon wish list.

OP, I understand where you're coming from. Hope your day is better than it might have been.

As for those banging on about it all being for the kids and why are people being bothered about presents, you are missing the point. It's not about getting an expensive present, it's about someone showing they care by actually putting a little thought in, buying a card, a small gift, something that shows they aren't taking you for granted.

Birthdays and Xmas are the sames dates every year and really, there's no excuse for not getting something. They are the days when we hope the people we care for will show they care in return and it's shit when they don't. Been there, got the T shirt, he's an ex now for many reasons.

We haven't done presents for each other but the dc went out with grandparents and bought us something each I think

We couldn't decide what we wanted and don't need anything so thought we would go away for the weekend instead and treat each other!

So nothing to open tomorrow but I don't care as long as the dc are happy.

If he's giving you money at least you can go clothes shopping etc in the sales. Better than a rubbish present anyway!

My DH is a bit of a last minute buyer & usually buys the same types of gifts so gifts not always "well thought out" like the time he bought me size 20 pjamas as that's only size left when I'm a 16!! So I usually buy myself a few bits before Xmas like new coat or nice make up etc as I know he wouldn't think of that but at least he does try. Today he took my DS out & I gave them a little list of who they needed to buy for including me and DD. As you say it's the thought that counts & good for kids to take pleasure in picking something for others rather than it being about them getting all the presents x

In this respect,,and this may be good advice for ladies, supply your man with some clicky URLs in good time.. Any man supplied with clicky urls and/or ideas who still fails should hang their head in shame. Also they should buy something and get the children to wrap from them,,or maybe if the children are old enough,let them pick something?

Jesus christ

I don’t want presents at Christmas. It’s about giving and the kids. I’m actually really annoyed to find my DH and parents have bought me something when I said not to. I just don’t like getting gifts at Christmas. That’s just me though I guess.

@Caninelover yeah that's clearly you and nothing to do with OP!

I'm a single parent and won't be getting anything either - just run myself ragged over trying to make it special for my boys.

That's a shame. Do you have a friend you could rope in next time to help? I have single parent friends and I always try to help the children buy or make something for their mum. The children enjoy it and mum feels appreciated even though she (secretly) knows it's me .

Wow I'd be v angry with DH! They could've gotten anything.... bubble bath, chocolate, a homemade macaroni photo frame.

DS used to work in a well known high street jewellers, the amount of men that didn’t even start shopping until Christmas Eve afternoon was staggering. He did two Christmas Eve’s there as did DD at River Island and both had men trying to nip under the half closed shutters at 4pm.

Makes you so 😡

I brought my own present. I wrapped the present. The only thing has to do was write Aebj from dh! He has no what he had got me

I get why you're pissed - it's the expectation. You're spoken about it before, said how crap it is not to have anything, made a point that Christmas is about giving and making people smile and the lazy git hasn't done anything. I say lazy because how much effort is it to sling something into the trolley from the local supermarket. Poor show. Well, you've told him and I will leave it for now not to spoil Christmas for the kids but would definitely say something from 28th Dec

Now i find the M&S Lingerie department fascinating. Such great choice,so many styles and colours.

Intriguing, mystery posting fella. Tell us less.

OP, I agree with a PP. Do not give your H a gift. Return it on boxing day and buy yourself something extra nice with the money. Fuck that guy.

The other thing to mention to him is how his lack of generosity towards you makes him far less attractive to you. He has made it abundantly clear how much he values you as a person and what you put into your relationship with him and everything you do as the mother of his children and to facilitate his relationship with his wider family. Obviously he takes all of that for granted and expects you to be happy with some insulting piece of shit that he picks up AFTER the last minute, with no thought. It’s a case of “This will have to do, and she’ll have to pretend to be grateful.”
Not kind, not loving. Not remotely sexy.

That's really, really shit and hurtful. I don't care that you're not bothered about presents, that's not the bloody point. A crappily wrapped box of heroes with a card saying they love you would have been perfect. I would also be gutted and unappreciated.

I'm hoping OP comes back and has some good news. Did DH surprise you OP??

Money is a present too! You can buy something you specially want with it.As regards the kids, they don't have independent resources. In the future, you could introduce them to the idea that they can and should make cards for you and their dad, and perhaps for other close friends and family members. Unless they show in other ways that they 'don't give a toss about you', I would not take their Christmas gifts or lack of them as indication of their caring or not. I may be odd in this way, but I feel quite strongly that caring is shown by how people treat you every day, and that special occasions are for fun (or if you're religious, for religious purposes) and not a test of people's caring or affection. If someone treats you well every day, a disappointment over presents is not that important; conversely, if they don't treat you well every day, a nice present doesn't make up for it.

Thought I'd leave a wee update for those interested.
As last minute gifts go it was pretty good, he found the thing my son had wanted to give me for my birthday, they wrapped it in tissue paper and hid it and another from my daughter in a wrapped box. The kids loved it!! They were so excited when I opened it.
I spoke to dh too. He admits he was a lazy sod and has apologised and promised to do better. He's always been shit at presents and doesn't see the point in them but understands where I am coming from for the kids and agrees to help teach them the joy of giving. I think seeing them so pleased yesterday helped.
Thanks again for all your advice. It really helped when I talked to him about it. 😊

Good for you op, and really hope he follows through x

I love a happy ending on here. They don't happen often enough but nice to see it sometimes. Thanks for the update OP.

Great update op glad it all worked out in the end.

Ps to the Pp Christmas isn't just for kids, they grow up and become adults. My family has no small children left now. But we love it. It's time for us all to get together and see each other. We were always taught to exchange gifts with adults in our family as children: giving very cheap gifts we chose eg 50p bubble bath to parents and grandparents. I love gifting now as an adult. It's not about cost but the thought someone puts in because they care about you.

Being a crap man is no excuse either. My partner is the most organised person I know for gifts. It doesn't take much effort really!