Aibu to feel crap my husband and kids haven't got me anything for christmas

[thingamijig1]

I found out for definate today, I had suspected anyway, that my kids and my husband haven't bothered getting me anything for Christmas.
I feel really hurt. I've been trying to instil in the kids that Christmas is about giving and making the people you love smile. But my husband told me this morning they couldn't think what to get me for Christmas so he's just going to give me money 😒
The kids are only 7 and 5 so i am more miffed at my husband. Just seems crap I've put all this effort into making Christmas special and making them all smile and they couldn't give a toss about me 😔
Sorry will stop whining now.

YANBU OP and it must hurt. My DS is 14 but has severe learning difficulties so doesn't have the capacity to do cards or prezzies, however ever since he was born DH has always got him a card and present for me.

You need a conversation with your Husband and now, it's not too late.

Send him out now. Say you're annoyed and he can go take the kids out now and buy you something.
If he doesn't I'd keep his gift for myself
That'll learn him.

If they all sit around opening presents and there is nothing for you, and you act ok about it, what is that teaching them? It's teaching them that you don't matter. Even if you didn't mind, which you do, your dh needs to get his arse in gear and get you something, even if it's only chocolates or flowers. Don't let this go op.

I would telling him exactly how I felt. It’s not ok.

Bike he sounds as shit as mine.

I'd prefer the cash. Win win.

It's your dh's fault anyway.
No way should a 5 and 7 year old be expected to pick a decent Xmas present for a parent.
I had to do that when I was small and it was very, very hard work and took the good out of Xmas.

Honestly this is just so hurtful and I feel desperately sorry for you. I hate to say it but how much value do you think he really puts on your relationship when he cant be arsed to go on the internet and order a hamper or a pamper box or some flowers. takes less than 10 seconds. I bet you have done all of the other shopping as well and will be doing the prep and cooking. He doesnt deserve you and you dont deserve to be treated like this. sit him down now, tell him this is crap and that he has today to buy something from him and something for the kids. tell him if he doesnt then the two of you will need to be having some serious conversations in the new year because this really is a kick to your relationship and he needs to see it as such. If he doesnt bother. dont give him his presents from you or from the kids. what an arse some men are.

Also meant to say that I am a big believer that people treat you how you allow them to OP.

You have a voice, use it.

* The kids are only 7 and 5 so i am more miffed at my husband*

Well, yes. You shouldn’t be “miffed” with the children at all!

Send them out now. Or takes the kids to boots and get them to choose something nice for you and get them to wrap it. Doesn’t have to be a surprise.

You do need to sort your DH out, but I’d start right now with the kids,

Part of me thinks I should leave it and make it perfectly obvious I have nothing tomorrow and how shit it feels. Sounds conniving, but they need to learn how much they have hurt my feelings.
I've told them all before. My husband has always been crap with presents but he was getting better, we were even talking the other day about me getting the nephews something else cause we got them vouchers and I wanted them to have something to open cause it's shit having nothing to open in the morning.

'D'P and I haven't got any presents for each other, but that's because every year before I've made an effort only to receive nothing in return. He has done absolutely nothing to help again this year, I bought and chose all of DDs gifts and sorted out all our gifts to other family members including his. Also sorted all food. I would buy something for myself, like I do for my birthday, but we are more skint than ever this month because of his reckless, selfish spending. Hoping 2020 will be the year I win the lottery so I can LTB

Either send them all out shopping now, or leave him to look after them, take the money and go and buy yourself something you really really want.
And explain to him that next year this is unacceptable.

Even if he works full time, it doesn't take much effort to nip into town at lunchtime or on the way home. My father had absolutely no imagination for presents but Mum and I would be guaranteed something such as earrings from the village jeweller when he was walking the dog or going to the newsagents next door. Even my useless ex partner could nip into Samuel's twice a year with as little imagination.

What a lazy twat your DH is (and Bike's DH too). Be very straight with him - you require a decent present and he can get off his arse now and go to the shops, taking the kids with him. Bike - tell your twatty husband that NO, you don't want two cheese subscriptions you want a proper present!

We must not let these lazy, thoughtless gits get away with it! There must be consequences!

Don’t drag your children into some sort of passive aggressive show just to make a point.

It’s not their fault. No one like a passive aggressive response and it’ll unsettle them. They’re far too young to get it and they don’t have the power to do anything about it.

Have a strong firm discussion with your DH. Do you want him to change? Then explain now how this makes you feel and why. Even if you do it via text, just get it out there.

Same here... DS has not bothered for the umpteen time... I’m not cooking any dinner and he is asking about his pants... he may as well do the laundry himself, his mother is in strike.

My ex gave me cash on one occasion. He lived to regret it. It was not the shouting he got after I had been carefully choosing his gift... he said I was difficult to choose gifts for and that I would be happier finding whatever I pleased. So I got myself a lovely... dog.

The ex is long gone but the dog and I are getting closer and closer

nocluewhattodoo so sorry your DP is such a selfish moron. I hope you have an escape plan

during the year, get them a craft book (or do they have craft instructions on you tube/does blue peter still exist) - get them interested in making stuff, then suggest to children in front of father that maybe they'd like to pick something to make for you as a surprise with Daddy's help.

Of course, make it clear to partner that you expect a proper gift from him.

Are you going to respond to the posters telling you to tell him to get something. Wallowing won't help. Passive aggressiveness won't help either. Tell him ASAP so it gets sorted.

I am trying to tach the kids about giving. They are not responsible for it my husband is. They seemed genuinely upset when they realised they hadn't got me anything 😔

If he’s shit at picking presents then to avoid this issue altogether next year you can set up a wish list on amazon with 5-10 items. He can pick two or three off that; you will get things you want or need but it’ll still be a surprise. You can tell him explicitly that your children need to learn to acknowledge and appreciate you and your hard work, and to be thoughtful of your feelings and your needs too, and he should be teaching them that by example.

It’s really shit that he didn’t just get you something as a token thank you for everything you do. He’s a thoughtless idiot.

Eh, these sort of threads make me glad I don't celebrate Christmas 😂

All sounds very stressful!

In fact he needs to get his arse into gear, take the children out today and help them to pick something.

my 5 yr old does a perfectly good job of picking presents so theres no "too young"...we just give him a small budget and accept that the choice may be veeeeery random, but that's all part of the charm. I think it's good for them to use their minds to think what someone else may like for once but shouldn't be under pressure to "get it right"