Aibu to feel crap my husband and kids haven't got me anything for christmas

[thingamijig1]

I found out for definate today, I had suspected anyway, that my kids and my husband haven't bothered getting me anything for Christmas.
I feel really hurt. I've been trying to instil in the kids that Christmas is about giving and making the people you love smile. But my husband told me this morning they couldn't think what to get me for Christmas so he's just going to give me money 😒
The kids are only 7 and 5 so i am more miffed at my husband. Just seems crap I've put all this effort into making Christmas special and making them all smile and they couldn't give a toss about me 😔
Sorry will stop whining now.

Good to hear your update, OP. A couple of years ago at Christmas I came across a household name comedian shopping in M&S with his children. It was obvious from the convo they were having that they were buying presents for their mum. I heard him explaining to his son that mum deserved something because of everything she did for him. If someone like that can make time I don't know why other men can't.

Op, it was my birthday 2 days ago.

My 2 adult DS's, who are both at home, didn't even get me a card - they signed DH's.

I was very, very pissed off. And told DH to make sure they make up for it at Xmas.

It is just thoughtless and unappreciative.

I'm a single parent and won't be getting anything either - just run myself ragged over trying to make it special for my boys.

Glad he pulled his finger out after ypu had to give the most unsubtle hint ever!

Shirley Hughes Tom and Lucy's Christmas is a lovely book about their Christmas and actually details what each of them bought or made for each relative and how excited they were to be doing this. Maybe Daddy can read this book to your DC next year

I made a mistake and when the kids were young I didn't insist that DH took them into town to choose a present for me. I'm not into gifts really but it means now they are older they haven't learned that bit about thinking about other people. It also let DH not have to make any Xmas effort at all really.

I understand how it feels to be the Little Red Hen and it sucks but don't take it personally. Just set down rules for next year.

It's utter bollocks that the man you live with doesn't know you well enough to come up with something.

As a bye-the-bye I find the whole "Christmas is just for children" fucking annoying! DH and I have no children (by choice) and both really enjoy Christmas - we put up a tree, decorate the house, have lots of good food and drink in and DH is upstairs now wrapping my presents. We give each other a number of presents - some hints have been dropped, many are 'surprises' but we both get a bit of fun over opening presents after a Buck's Fizz breakfast on Christmas morning. And yes we treat each other with kindness and love and respect (almost!) every other day of the year too - we just see Christmas Day as a bit special.

Another thing that irritates me is the "we're adults, we can buy whatever we need throughout the year so don't exchange presents"! So what? Giving and receiving presents, for the most part isn't about 'need', it's about injecting a little fun into everyday mundane life!

OP, I hope you have a lovely Christmas, sounds like your children are really excited to spoil you tomorrow which is really important. Why some women seem to believe they are no longer important once they become mothers is beyond me - probably a good thing I never went down that road - I just couldn't be doing with all the "oh, just a packet of crisps and a weed pulled up from the garden will do little ole me..." self sacrificing, martyrdom.

Feel better that's all off my chest😀.

My husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas a few weeks ago. I told him I genuinely didn’t want anything. He has a track record of giving ‘unusual’ gifts. He’s not listened. He’s bought me a very expensive Lego set. It’s not even a stealth present for himself, he doesn’t like Lego.

Some male input here... I think its poor that he has done nothing (leaving aside the update) and the children of course need some guidance from him. Its just plain laziness and thoughtlessness. It requires effort.

Now having said that , i think a lot of men,and i count myself in this, are a bit crap and buying pressies . When it comes to buying clothing, i wouldnt have a clue what to buy or indeed what size.

In this respect,,and this may be good advice for ladies, supply your man with some clicky URLs in good time.. Any man supplied with clicky urls and/or ideas who still fails should hang their head in shame. Also they should buy something and get the children to wrap from them,,or maybe if the children are old enough,let them pick something?

This was me last year op, and as I'd not yet recovered from an operation in December, I was devastated...

I threw my toys out of the pram big time.. He spent 600 quid on our kids and I had to. Order myself some tat on Xmas eve as I realised in the nick of time.. My mum was not Impressed although she never breathed a word.

This year, he's got me plenty.

I think a lot of men,and i count myself in this, are a bit crap and buying pressies . When it comes to buying clothing, i wouldnt have a clue what to buy or indeed what size.

Well then take 5 fucking minutes to learn about your partner. I’m willing to bet actual money that if you ask your partner that she not only knows your shirt, trouser and shoe size but that of any children you have as well.

Taking the ‘aren’t men daft’ approach helps no one.

Agree with flamingo.

My children now make stockings for each of us. There's no way I want them to be manchildren when the grow up. Its just selfish and being raised not to bother is no defence tbh. We learn plenty of socially appropriate behaviour when we grow up.

Totally sucks. Even my EXH has managed to get me something by giving the children some money to buy me a few things and that's an ex. I hope you made a fuss and sent him out to get you something.

If you don't know what size your partner wears, pick up any of her clothes and look at the label. It will tell you. HTH

YANBU. I'm not massively into gift giving but the kids have wrapped some thing each to give DH; a woolly hat, a bottle of chilli sauce and a beer. And I know he has done something similar from them to me. Its important for them to give something and take a bit of time to sort it out.

Oh yes i do realise that clothing does have labels on it. Heck i actually do the laundry from time to time. What im saying is that many women love clothes,love browsing and choosing their own,have a better idea of what fits their wardrobe etc etc so i tend to avoid buying clothes because,well,, if it isnt right then i wouldnt want her to be disappointed and have to faff around returning it. Its pretty much the same as buying lingerie. Now i find the M&S Lingerie department fascinating. Such great choice,so many styles and colours. I feel like Father Ted lost in there,,but again, its a very individual thing. Thats not to say that i havent bought clothing before of course. Just an emailed christmas list and every one is happy :) Anyway as you well know,just going off the tag size is no guarantee of a good fit. Different retailers have different ideas of sizes and many women magically just know this stuff.

I’m glad he brought something home and that the kids can enjoy wrapping it for you. It’s his job to help them value their mum.

Thanks freda

Arnold 😂😂 imagining you wondering around M&S like father Ted.
I don't want clothes or something big like that. Anything would do. It's the not teaching the kids and letting them get upset when they realised I was annoyed about.
They are happy now. And I will be having words with dh about next year.

The best things in my wardrobe bought by my dh. He has fantastic taste and our two girls far prefer him to me as a shopping partner. This tedious eye rolling “men are hopeless” thing is a pathetic cop out.

I'd say everyone needs to see that you are hurt by this. Kids included.

Well perhaps next time im strolling nonchalantly round the M&S lingerie department, my imagination working overtime, ill take a chance and buy something. Now i'll just go and have a rummage in the knicker drawer with my pen and notepad to hand.

No doubt you are expected to organise the whole of Christmas and do all of the cooking , washing up and clearing away and all of the present and card shopping for everybody else like an unpaid servant.
Then you are expected to be repaid for all the work you do by sitting there as everyone unwraps their lovely gifts while you don't have anything to unwrap.
Lovely of him to be bothered to go and get a gift for you at the last minute when he has already ruined christmas for you.
My husband (now divorced) didn't get anything for me at christmas or my birthday for 15 years and then on the last christmas we had together asked me for something that cost £400. Obviously didn't suggest getting anything for me in return.
I went fucking mental. That was the end of our marriage.

Excellent update op. Doesn’t matter what it is, I always tell my dd don’t spend much - it’s the little things that mean a lot. Hope you have a lovely Christmas Day now.

croprotation don't talk crap. I grew up in the sixties and seventies, and it was never all about children. As I said before, I have a book that was inscribed as a present from my great-grandmother to my great-grandfather in the 19th century and they had children at the time.

Arnold, please don’t go wandering around the M&S lingerie department. Women don’t want men in there and your imaginary partner doesn’t want lingerie.