Aibu to feel crap my husband and kids haven't got me anything for christmas

[thingamijig1]

I found out for definate today, I had suspected anyway, that my kids and my husband haven't bothered getting me anything for Christmas.
I feel really hurt. I've been trying to instil in the kids that Christmas is about giving and making the people you love smile. But my husband told me this morning they couldn't think what to get me for Christmas so he's just going to give me money 😒
The kids are only 7 and 5 so i am more miffed at my husband. Just seems crap I've put all this effort into making Christmas special and making them all smile and they couldn't give a toss about me 😔
Sorry will stop whining now.

He's at work.

Then he can take them out when he gets back.

After years of it, I got myself birthday and Christmas presents this year. I've wrapped it. My eldest (9) saw it, and I said what it was, and that spurred him to keep asking DP to take them out shopping to get me and MIL something (I'd been mentioning that MIL was coming to stay, and that he needed to get something for her for a month). DP knowing that I'd bought myself a present actually sparked a touch of guilt I think, he knows that I do pretty much everything else for Christmas (well, and in general)

Now I know that what they'll have got will be bathbombs or similar, but in our case it's the effort to go out and do it that counts, thought can come later - I think it's actually sad for the kids that he wasn't putting in the effort, because we sat together and thought about what to get DP and have something that is a genuinely useful and thoughtful present as a result, and they enjoyed it, they want to make family happy.

This is your DH's fault, your children are too young to be able to sort anything independently. Honestly, I would be telling your H to go out and sort something today, shops are still open and it is his fault if they are busy.

Sure, some people focus on children but I don't think it is ridiculous to expect a bit of effort to show appreciation for all you do knowing it means something to you. I get so fed up of people saying you are grabby or stupid if you want gifts or get excited for Christmas past about 17. I had awful Christmas' for years with my abusive father, I now spend my time trying to ensure those around me feel loved and special. At the very least he could get your children to draw you something, this is just laziness.

Outrageous and hurtful. Dh goes mental at Christmas it can get embarrassing. Love him for it though. Oh and he has a “big job” and is “busy” that’s a pathetic excuse. What’s the point of being married if the other person gives you no thought at Christmas?

The shops are still open!

Say to him “I don’t want money. I want something to open from my children on Christmas Day so could you take them to the shop now? If you don’t know what to get I like x perfume, my pj size is x, I like books by x author, and a bottle of wine and flowers wouldn’t go a miss either”

He shouldn’t need telling but clearly your DH does.

You can either sit with a face like a slapped arse, posting on mumsnet or you can speak up for yourself......

Oh just tell him to go out and find something. Don’t be a martyr and sit there seething tomorrow while probably doing all the cooking etc. Bottle of bubble bath and a box of chocolates isn’t hard to buy.

Tell your 7 year old “If you need help wrapping my present you can ask Daddy”.

When they go to ‘D’H to ask where mummy’s present is, the shops are still open. Don’t make the kids feel bad because their father is thoughtless.

I would have been furious at being taken so badly for granted. How about stopping cooking, cleaning, sex etc until he gets the idea the lazy swine.
How hard is it to take the kids to the shopping centre and let them choose something - even if it's only £10 each.
It's really important for children to learn not to take mum for granted.
And how hard is it to get some perfume, jewellery or a classy scented candle. It's hardly rocket science.
I'd make him pay! Whicj is probably why I've been divorced twice, I don't put up with this kind of shit.

Sorry - cross-posted with at least 2 updates OP

My DH doesn't always get me a present and normally gives me cash, he usually gets a box of chocolates or something small for the kids to give me, although in the past my MIL got something for the kids to wrap and give me. My teenage DD got everything this year and just asked DH for thr money. He is really busy at work, she loves shopping, I get something to unwrap, everyone wins!

There’s no way I’d let him off with it. I’d be furious if my DH never got me anything

I'm not making the kids feel bad. I haven't mentioned it to them beyond them telling me they couldn't think what to make.
I bought myself some sweets so I've given them that to wrap for me cause they wanted to give me something.

Tell him to take the kids out this afternoon to get you something nice or he gets nothing tomorrow.

Not your kids fault at all
This is on DH
Honestly, he sounds like a lazy bastard who doesn't care for you at all.

Sorry.

Single parent here. Work FT. I have sourced, bought, wrapped and labelled about 40 presents this year (10 x 2 in the stockings and about 20 gifts for children and close family - parents, sisters and brothers, nephews and nieces plus nanny, friend who doesn’t have anyone else, school office). It’s not even over the top. It’s just normal. It’s what 98pc of the women on here do every single year. Your DH has no excuse.

I asked dp for cash towards something expensive I would like to buy.
Found out while I was at work yesterday that they ( dp, DS and DD) had spent all day yesterday trailing around the shops looking for stuff I'd like).
I'll wave goodbye to my Christmas cash then....

Yep. Single parent here. My fairly useless ex made half arsed attempts a couple of times to sort things from the kids but put so little thought into it it was worse than if he'd done nothing. My parents now take them out and get something for me but if it doesn't happen I don't ask the kids where mine is. I will start too though, as they get older, have money and independence. It's important they learn that giving is important too. I really would talk seriously too him about this.

Have you actually told him he needs to get you something? I mean, I’d be HORRIFIED if I had to tell my DH to get me presents, but we’ve had so many oh dear presents over the years that now just buy our own and the other one wraps them. Probably a bit daft, but I like to have something to open and I like him to have something too.

Don't give him anything in return.

Unwrap the gift you got him, and package it back up again to be returned.

He's treating you like it because he knows he can, in the kindest way.

Actions speak far louder than words. Let him know how crap Christmas feels when you get fuck all effort.

This is our 50th Christmas together and though we don't go in for big presents, we've never not given, sometimes just token, each other gifts.
Your husband is very thoughtless and mean.
Not really a good example for the kids.
I hope that he steps up later but just in case not from me. x

That's just fucking shit OP.

There's another thread where the 'D'H has bought her rugby tickets clearly for himself.

I would be very upset and feel fucking stupid.

Nothing for me either. I don't blame the DCs at all, it's not their fault. DH started with the excuses yesterday, I'm completely over it already. He's been listing ideas for presents for himself for months now. He's not asked me once what I might like. We had an important anniversary earlier this year that he forgot too despite giving me excuses for a lack of presents for two weeks beforehand

I bought him a thoughtful gift from the DCs which they will all love. It's as much for the kids as it is for them or else I wouldn't have bothered.

I can’t believe so many women put up with this shit. I’d have been gone the very first time he tried anything like this. Where is your self esteem? You’re not a lesser member of this family. You sound so beaten down!

Tbh op you're not being very assertive here. Amazon do same day delivery or he can order a bunch of flowers to be delivered today. Or go to the petrol station and get you a box of chocolates. His being at work is no excuse.
You've now done the job for him at no inconvenience to him.
Woman up and tell him to nip out in his lunch break!!