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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbors carer just had a go at me!

213 replies

Whowantsthiscoffee · 20/12/2019 20:24

So just got confronted by my neighbors carer telling me it wouldn't hurt me to check on my neighbor and offer a hand. Background, neighbor fell down the stairs last week and wasn't found for 28 hours, she's about 60 and has three grown up unmarried child free kids herself. I have four kids, three are under four and don't have much spare time. My DH works away every three weeks in Europe for a week and I don't live near any family. Yes it's sad my neighbor has health issues but her three grown up children should maybe visit her more often. I just feel annoyed because I feel that as the carer sees me at home etc she obviously assumes I do fuck all. I do ring neighbors door every so often but normally no reply..... I'm just I dunno annoyed I guess

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 20/12/2019 20:27

Tell her to fuck of.

Serenity45 · 20/12/2019 20:30

YANBU OP she shouldn't be making judgements without knowing your circumstances. Very rude and inappropriate. Your neighbours safety isn't your responsibility.

Butchyrestingface · 20/12/2019 20:30

Was the carer hostile?

Do you have a good relationship with your neighbour? In my old flat, hardly anyone in the close was on speaking terms (no hostility, just didn’t talk). Any one of us could have laid dead behind the door for months.

InTheBleakMidwinterIWouldSing · 20/12/2019 20:30

Sorry but that’s ridiculous.

My neighbour is maybe 65 or so? We get along well, but if I started popping over to check she was all right I’m sure she’d be very offended.

I8toys · 20/12/2019 20:31

YANBU She needs to have a go at her children not you.

Patroclus · 20/12/2019 20:32

60 isnt even old

Pantalaimon88 · 20/12/2019 20:32

60 is not old at all.

Skysblue · 20/12/2019 20:32

Carer was being ignorant. Sorry you had that experience. You are not responsible for your neighbour and have plenty on your plate.

AppleKatie · 20/12/2019 20:32

Yeh that’s mad. Unless you actually know each other you can’t be knocking on the door of every 60+ resident of your street.

I can’t imagine my parents appreciating this one bit either 🤣

Original poster
Whowantsthiscoffee · 20/12/2019 20:34

I guess it's not her age she has multiple health issues. But i feel I have my own responsibility etc and can't really take on anything else and I get the feel my neighbor has said something to the carer like whowantsthiscoffee is at home most the time and doesn't knock to see me or something.

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 20/12/2019 20:34

She has a carer for a reason - age is irrelevant.
Odd why she had a pop at you - and inappropriate.

PepePig · 20/12/2019 20:34

YANBU. Honestly, it sounds harsh, but unless you and neighbour are close, I wouldn't start checking in. If her adult children can't be arsed, the likelihood is you'll end up with more and more responsibility placed on you for years to come. You have kids, responsibilities and a life of your own. It's a lot to take on.

If she wasn't professional, I would complain to the company that employs her. At the end of the day, it's down to your neighbour, her kids and the carers to sort out who looks after her, and when. Not you.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 20/12/2019 20:35

Was the carer from an organisation? If so I would complain.

Havaina · 20/12/2019 20:35

YANBU. Let me guess - her grown up children are all men! Grin

Society loves putting responsibility for elder care on women.

What did you say to her? Will she come back? You need to be prepared to confront her.

StoneofDestiny · 20/12/2019 20:36

Cross posted

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 20/12/2019 20:36

Why would anyone check on a 60 year old unless they were known to be ill or something? Confused

AwdBovril · 20/12/2019 20:36

The carer (presumably) knows nothing about your life or circumstances. A shame your neighbour had such an accident but why is it your responsibility to keep a close eye on them? What about their DCs?

MrsCasares · 20/12/2019 20:37

Totally inappropriate of the carer to have a go at you. I would report her to the agency she works for.

InTheBleakMidwinterIWouldSing · 20/12/2019 20:37

@Whowantsthiscoffee it’s still not your fault.

For example, your neighbour could have asked you if she could please call you every morning at 9am and if you didn’t receive a call, could you check on her?

You could then have said yes or no.

The idea that you are somehow responsible for coming up with and implementing a plan for someone else is ridiculous.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 20/12/2019 20:38

Xpost- ok so she’s has health issues. She also has three kids of her own.

I’d make a complaint about the carer.

TopOftheNaughtyList · 20/12/2019 20:40

28hrs isn't that long to go without seeing someone. Are you supposed to be knocking on her door every 12 hours then? Stupid comment from the carter.

AlrightyyThen · 20/12/2019 20:40

For all she knew you could have poor health yourself, she's basically asking you to do her job! Maybe she wants less to do when she visits

I bet your neighbour hasn't said anything, i would complain about her if i knew the company

YANBU it's a highly inappropriate thing to say to someone

Lollypop701 · 20/12/2019 20:42

Tell the neighbors carer your circumstances... and it wouldn’t hurt if she popped in and offered help to you after she has done her paid work with neighbour... because obviously she has time for this because she has time to ‘talk’ to you. If she say no, tell her not to be a judgmental idiot.

Sewrainbow · 20/12/2019 20:43

Well I guess her actions have ensured the opposite will happen as no way would I help now after carer "having a go".

But yanbu, you have your own responsibilities and she has a carer a d children of her own to help her. I agree with pp wo said if you start taking on that role now you may end up with more responsibility later on.

Original poster
Whowantsthiscoffee · 20/12/2019 20:43

Going to make a complaint about carer tmrw. It's not always the same lady I see but normally is. When she confronted me I just said oh I know I need to try harder or something like that and then went away and thought wtf why did I say that and now I'm cross

OP posts: