Neighbors carer just had a go at me!

[Whowantsthiscoffee]

So just got confronted by my neighbors carer telling me it wouldn't hurt me to check on my neighbor and offer a hand. Background, neighbor fell down the stairs last week and wasn't found for 28 hours, she's about 60 and has three grown up unmarried child free kids herself. I have four kids, three are under four and don't have much spare time. My DH works away every three weeks in Europe for a week and I don't live near any family. Yes it's sad my neighbor has health issues but her three grown up children should maybe visit her more often. I just feel annoyed because I feel that as the carer sees me at home etc she obviously assumes I do fuck all. I do ring neighbors door every so often but normally no reply..... I'm just I dunno annoyed I guess

@Skyejuly but that still begs the question why is the OP the one who is being blamed by the carer? She's probably the one least able to step in, with 4 young DC, plus she lives 4 houses away from this lady. And she doesn't know her either.

I would get in touch with the company she works for and explain what was said to you and suggest you are surprised that they have not had a lifeline alarm set up for your neighbour as it’s not your responsibility.

I'd ignore but not report.

Carers have to work long hours dealing with situations that are far from easy for very low pay.

I don't think she should have said anything but I'd move on and just ignore it.

It is a societal problem, the grown care needs of the care needs of the population which cannot be met by a few low pats carers. No one wants to step up though, relatives nor neighbours.

Its a societal problem and blaming the neighbours is not the answer. Many of mine work 2 or 3 jobs. Those of us who are disabled or elderly keep an eye on each other but how often do you have to check up on someone to make sure they didn't fall down the stairs? Its a ridiculous suggestion.

It's a concern for anybody who is living alone, younger people too. This was something that was picked up in Bridget Jones's Diary, she worries about dying alone and being 'half eaten by alsatians'.

It's difficult to see how this can change, as the majority of us have no more than a nodding acquaintance with our neighbours.

the reason why in the past people were closely involved with their neighbours was probably more linked with people not moving but staying locally & having generational/relationships (ie my auntie was a friend et al) or relationships by blood or marriage. These days towns are bigger & people move round more & we tend to expect more privacy (on both sides - that of the elderly person & the younger family) & families are smaller but with less support themselves. It isn't that clear cut

& as stated by pp many women work outside the home as well - & op wasn't even the immediate neighbour for goodness sake!

Wonder if the OP reported.

Surely the lady's own kids could ring her daily to check on her. You have enough on your plate op, why are people on this thread suggesting you do it.

Actually I think she is right.
You dont have to.
Of course
But you could
Would take 30 second our of your day.
Give neighbour your number for emergencies and text once a day. You ok?
Even the busiest people could manage that.

Even if op does start doing this - what happens if she forgets? Has a busy day? Kids get sick, has other things going on. Gets sick herself. Has an accident. It's not a reliable or long term solution for a vulnerable person who needs regular checking. This lady needs proper support in place so there can't be an accident or a situation outside of op's control which sees her unable to check in.

@Whowantsthiscoffee could you come back and tell us what you have decided to do please

I've got two "crotchety old women" who live near me. A few houses away either side. The only interactions I've had with them is a smile and a nod from me whenever I see them and then once when I was gritting the pavements when it was icy (I do as much of the village as I can because no fucker else does yet they all moan but I'll leave that rant for a later time) and she shouted over "Ere! Chuck some on my path while you're at it! Bloody terrible no one does it! Someone should be gritting us old folks paths cos someone will slip in their own bloody garden!" And that's it. She basically yelled at me and told me to grit her garden path. Her perfectly able-bodied adult DD lives with her and is perfectly able to throw some grit too...

The other crotchety neighbour saw me cutting my neighbour's grass (between our gardens and next door's it's a huge time consuming, sweaty, back breaking hours and hours of a job) and beckoned me over saying how it was terrible that no one was cutting hers and that the pavement outside her fence was overgrown with weeds (I clear ours and my immediate neighbours and try to keep the street looking nice) and she was basically moaning at me to do hers too!

Not once had these people spoken to me, had a chat in the street or attempted to become friendly at all. I'm a chatty one and will talk with anyone at all but these women never made any effort at all to befriend me or any other neighbour. THAT'S where community is breaking down. Neighbours used to be friends. They helped each other out and it was perfectly normal to keep an eye on each other but now? They're isolating themselves and still we're expected to run around after them? Sorry but no.