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Original poster

Neighbors carer just had a go at me!

213 replies

Whowantsthiscoffee · 20/12/2019 20:24

So just got confronted by my neighbors carer telling me it wouldn't hurt me to check on my neighbor and offer a hand. Background, neighbor fell down the stairs last week and wasn't found for 28 hours, she's about 60 and has three grown up unmarried child free kids herself. I have four kids, three are under four and don't have much spare time. My DH works away every three weeks in Europe for a week and I don't live near any family. Yes it's sad my neighbor has health issues but her three grown up children should maybe visit her more often. I just feel annoyed because I feel that as the carer sees me at home etc she obviously assumes I do fuck all. I do ring neighbors door every so often but normally no reply..... I'm just I dunno annoyed I guess

OP posts:
Deckthehallswithlotsofcake · 20/12/2019 21:10

FFS we are friends with our neighbours who are in the mid sixties, but we do not check up on them every day. We eat together almost once a week and chat a bit over messenger, but that is it. If you are home alone with 4 kids it is stupid to expect you to have time to be an extra carer for your neighbours.

Original poster
Whowantsthiscoffee · 20/12/2019 21:10

Thanks it makes me feel better for not feeling so selfish. To answer some questions...The carer comes two or three times a week that I notice. Neighbor lives four doors down but terrace house so close.

OP posts:
Havaina · 20/12/2019 21:13

@Deck - you have dinner with your neighbours nearly every week? I don’t even eat with my family every week! I’m clearly not doing neighbourly relations properly!

TheBigFatMermaid · 20/12/2019 21:15

How often is a carer supposed to be there? If every day someone messed up for her to not be found for 28 hours. Maybe she should have an alert button to call for help. None of this your responsibility though.

This! Most people who have a carer have them once or twice a day! What went wrong? Why weren't the carers checking her!

I think it's guilt, and being taken out on you!

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 20/12/2019 21:15

Carer can get to fuck.

Your neighbour needs a call button - my Dad has one as he is nearly 80, not too steady on his feet and is on his own since Mum died last year. Invaluable service imo.

Bjorksswandress · 20/12/2019 21:18

YANBU. She has a carer and 3 adult children. She is not your responsibility. You shouldn’t have been made to feel neglectful or unneighbourly. You have enough to be doing and even if you were free all day with no kids it’s still not yours responsibility. She’s picking on the wrong person here.

Original poster
Whowantsthiscoffee · 20/12/2019 21:19

I've only clocked her two to three times a week but it may be more prob is..it's one of those private care companies.

OP posts:
Nomorepies · 20/12/2019 21:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

FruitcakeOfHate · 20/12/2019 21:20

Do not feel guilty or selfish! Report her to the agency, 'Really did not appreciate being accosted by your staff and scolded in front of my own home. Completely unprofessional and I want to know how you plan to address this.'

And follow up on it.

whyismysoullost · 20/12/2019 21:21

Why would you complain ? Seriously the PPs on this board need to chill out.

The carer was being ignorant and rude but she did it out if care for the person she's caring for. Next time, tell her to mind her own business, avoid her and get on with your life. Seriously, complaining about this will cause unnecessary drama .

EL8888 · 20/12/2019 21:23

@whyismysoullost probably because the carer was rude, intrusive and unprofessional

FruitcakeOfHate · 20/12/2019 21:25

She was unprofessional and intrusive, that's why I'd complain. Needs to learn to keep her tongue in her mouth.

whyismysoullost · 20/12/2019 21:29

El88 Rude, yes. But, unless the carer was f-ing and blinding and being verbal aggressive to the OP. I would not complain. The OP has not state this, frankly all the carer said "it would not hurt to check on your neighbour" and blah. Why complain because of that and risk someone losing their job ? Especially in the care industry !

LigPatin · 20/12/2019 21:31

Carer sounds like a dick but doesn't this neighbor fell down the stairs last week and wasn't found for 28 hours just break your heart Sad

FruitcakeOfHate · 20/12/2019 21:32

Because she was rude, intrusive and unprofessional, that's why it should be brought to the attention of the agency. Totally unnecessary especially the 'offer a hand' comment. Bet you London to a brick she would not have said that to a man. If she needs to keep her job she needs to learn to STFU and mind her own business.

Brefugee · 20/12/2019 21:32

tell her you'll check on her for a fiver a time. The Carer can pay you...

Laterthanyouthink · 20/12/2019 21:34

Carer was probably upset that a woman she cares for needed help and there was no-one to help. I dont think there is any need to complain. Wouldn't it be nice to live in a community where people look out for each other?

SonjaMorgan · 20/12/2019 21:36

You can never win in these situations.

Firstly 60 isn't old.

Secondly I used to help an elderly neighbour and his children took major issue with it and accused me of trying to steal their inheritance.

VimFuego101 · 20/12/2019 21:36

Wonder if the carer missed a visit and that's why the woman wasn't found for 28 hours?

puds11 · 20/12/2019 21:37

@LigPatin so sad Sad My gran lay on the floor for 12 hours once. She had a button but didn’t want to be a nuisance Sad

FruitcakeOfHate · 20/12/2019 21:41

FFS, it's unprofessional to vent about your job to randoms and scold them! And again, she wouldn't have said this to a man, you'd better believe that. Needs to be brought to the attention of the agency she obviously has enough spare time to monitor the female neighbours coming and going.

virginpinkmartini · 20/12/2019 21:41

I wonder, if you went on holiday for a week and something happened to this woman, who is totally unrelated to you, would it be your fault?
Of course not. This meddlesome busybody needs to naff off.

MillicentMartha · 20/12/2019 21:42

Maybe the carers need to be coming in more often, in that case. While it would be neighbourly to check in on her occasionally, it’s not your responsibility to visit her daily. If she needs daily care, then her care package needs to be strengthened and perhaps her own DC could step up.

StKnickerloss · 20/12/2019 21:43

My neighbours son tried something similar on me.

I knew her quite well and would often pick her up some bits for her when I did my shopping but never offered to help care for her.
Both of her retired children lived seven minutes away.
When she had quite a bad fall at home, (in front of her son) he happily informed me that he'd told the hospital the I'd be making sure she was ok from now on.

I'm a disabled mother of two.

He was very annoyed I wouldn't step up.

Instagrump · 20/12/2019 21:43

I could almost understand if you were direct neighbours and good friends but you're not. You live on the same street and that's pretty much it. As others have said, she would never have said this to a man, but you, as a woman somehow must take a caring role no matter what you are doing in your own life, to a relative stranger who happens to live four houses away from you? I do hope you make a complaint. If the carer is that bothered she should be sorting out a fall alarm and asking the woman's own family to check on her. Not berating some random person who lives nearby!

There's a crotchety old woman with a disability who lives alone on my street. I'm not appointing myself as her bloody unpaid carer, dropping in and checking on her!

I help out my own direct neighbours (who's wife sadly passed away leaving him and their teen daughter) every other day as well as run my own household. I'd be raging if someone had a go at me for not taking on the welfare responsibility of some person down the road!

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