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To ditch MIL’s Christmas

203 replies

MyFavouriteThings91 · 17/12/2019 08:56

I’m feeling overwhelmed and conflicted.
7 months pregnant- crap time of it- Several hospital stays...blah blah backstory 😂

Agreed to go to MIL for Christmas but I’m getting anxious now. SIL and BIL are coming and, I like them a lot, but we aren’t close and haven’t seen them in 8 months despite living 10 mins away. I have a couple of gross symptoms that I’m conscious of managing in front of them for a full day.

The meal itself isn’t good for me. Fancy, smelly, non pregnancy friendly (except for the basic main items) 🙄 I didn’t want to dictate and non of the options were ok for me so just went along with it. (Cured meats, soft cheese, smoked fish...stuff I’m either not allowed or will make me vomit).

We offered to bring dessert but now MIL wants to decide. The two options currently suggested are totally unsuitable for me. Probably the only two desserts you can’t eat whilst pregnant 👍🏻 They must know this but apparently DH’s brother has ‘requested’ them! We made several suggestions (including what we had last year) and these just got ignored.

I’m fed up of each suggestion being less me friendly than the last and feeling like I’m being awkward (I don’t think I am - they’re just choosing stuff they know I can’t have).

Last year there was non of this - I’d happily eat what we had last year again!

I just want an easy, relaxed day, so am tempted to go to my own parents instead, where there is no fuss and dessert will probably be a tub of hero’s 👍🏻 but I know DH will then want to come with me and MIL will be put out. My parents live in another city so would involve an hour drive which isn’t ideal but I think I prefer that to our current plans.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

bellinisurge · 17/12/2019 08:58

Go to your own parents.


Mrsjayy · 17/12/2019 08:59

Stay home tell her you are not well and won't be coming sorry.


NanFlanders · 17/12/2019 09:01

Too poorly, sorry. Mum and dad are looking after me...


crochetandshit · 17/12/2019 09:02

Has anyone told her that you can't eat any of that stuff?


Ayemama · 17/12/2019 09:04

Go to your mums, you have more then enough going on with growing a mini human to be bothered with their bullshit.
Who cares if MIL is put out? She obviously doesn't care if you are.


Fuckoffcarolyn · 17/12/2019 09:06

Go to your parents house

Life is too short to be doing stuff you don’t want to do and they aren’t considering you


ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 17/12/2019 09:07

Bring all your own food and keep saying "I'm afraid I can't eat that, sorry" when they wave indignantly at all their non-suitable food.


Nanny0gg · 17/12/2019 09:07

Has your husband not Had A Word?

If ignored just say you're too ill to go.


MyFavouriteThings91 · 17/12/2019 09:08


A DD of her friend was pregnant last year and MIL seemed very clued up on what they could/couldn’t have when she made lunch for us all.

I honestly don’t think she means any offence as we get on very well, I think she’s trying to please SIL/BIL. Entirely likely that BIL has no idea I can’t eat these things he wants. He’s young and child free so why would he 😂

OP posts:

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/12/2019 09:09

Stay home or go to your parents.


Pinkarsedfly · 17/12/2019 09:10

Oh, just fuck them off. I hate people like them.

Go to your mum’s and get pampered. Who cares what the ILs think?


Inforthelonghaul · 17/12/2019 09:10

Make a stand now. Go to your own parents or just have lunch in your own home and relax. 7 months pregnant you should be doing what you want.


Disfordarkchocolate · 17/12/2019 09:10

Are your SIL and BIL annoyed you are pregnant?


MyFavouriteThings91 · 17/12/2019 09:12

There’s no usual tension between us I think it’s just this year I’m not doing well and therefore it all feels very complicated and I’m anxious of spending the day very uncomfortable/ being asked lots of questions by SIL/BIL who haven’t seen me the whole time I’ve been unwell.

My parents just know everything- what I can/can’t have. My gross symptoms 😂 I can accidentally fart (terrible trapped wind due to medication) and literally no one will care 😂

It just feels a bit more ‘formal’ and complicated at MIL’s

OP posts:

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 17/12/2019 09:12

Also, if you suck up this Xmas with MIL then baby's first Xmas will be at your parents house! Worth putting up with it in that case I think...


OoohTheStatsDontLie · 17/12/2019 09:12

Either your husband tells her that you cant eat that and they have to choose something else, or you go to your parents rather than sit and watch everyone else eat while you miss out / take your own. If they cant be bothered to cater for you as a guest with medical food requirements (rather than just being fussy etc) then they dont seem to care very much if you're there or not.
Your husband can decide what he wants to do himself. You could always do separate families this year as it will probably be the last year its feasible


AlternativePerspective · 17/12/2019 09:14

While you’re not being unreasonable to not want to go, I think a lot of the responses here are based on the fact that it’s a MIL which automatically puts people’s backs up on here.

WRT the meal, what are they serving? Remember that a lot of the avoidant suggestions are guidelines only based on the worst case scenario, and with the possible exception of unpasteurised cheese and liver the rest is often down to discretion, although I avoided things when I was pregnant, in hindsight I think I would probably have been far less anxious about doing so if I’d had more children.


Disfordarkchocolate · 17/12/2019 09:16

I'm taking medication that has given me dreadful stinky wind. That plus a high fibre diet is going to be fun over Christmas. I may have to warn everybody to be honest, and light a nice festive scented candle early on.


AlternativePerspective · 17/12/2019 09:26

Name change fail there OP


Beautiful3 · 17/12/2019 09:34

Just tell the truth that you're not well enough to go, and go to your mums. If your mil finds out just say it was a last minute thing.


Dacquoise · 17/12/2019 09:34

Being heavily pregnant and not feeling the best trumps all PIL expectations. Put your feet up and enjoy the choccies at your parents!


BreatheAndFocus · 17/12/2019 09:34

Don’t go. Why have the stress? Just explain you’re not feeling up to it due to X, Y and Z pregnancy symptoms.

Go to your parents or have a nice, peaceful Christmas with just you and your DH.


GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/12/2019 09:34

No brainer. Just go to your parents' and be looked after.

Blame it on the brussels... hope you feel better though.


FetchezLaVache · 17/12/2019 09:34

Exactly what @OoohTheStatsDontLie said. Don't pretend to be ill or make up an excuse, if they are actively catering against you then they don't deserve your company.


CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/12/2019 09:40

Be honest! You don't want to spoil their Christmas, make them change everything just because you are pregnant and farty!

Go to your parents and relax!

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