To ditch MIL’s Christmas

[MyFavouriteThings91]

I’m feeling overwhelmed and conflicted.
7 months pregnant- crap time of it- Several hospital stays...blah blah backstory 😂

Agreed to go to MIL for Christmas but I’m getting anxious now. SIL and BIL are coming and, I like them a lot, but we aren’t close and haven’t seen them in 8 months despite living 10 mins away. I have a couple of gross symptoms that I’m conscious of managing in front of them for a full day.

The meal itself isn’t good for me. Fancy, smelly, non pregnancy friendly (except for the basic main items) 🙄 I didn’t want to dictate and non of the options were ok for me so just went along with it. (Cured meats, soft cheese, smoked fish...stuff I’m either not allowed or will make me vomit).

We offered to bring dessert but now MIL wants to decide. The two options currently suggested are totally unsuitable for me. Probably the only two desserts you can’t eat whilst pregnant 👍🏻 They must know this but apparently DH’s brother has ‘requested’ them! We made several suggestions (including what we had last year) and these just got ignored.

I’m fed up of each suggestion being less me friendly than the last and feeling like I’m being awkward (I don’t think I am - they’re just choosing stuff they know I can’t have).

Last year there was non of this - I’d happily eat what we had last year again!

I just want an easy, relaxed day, so am tempted to go to my own parents instead, where there is no fuss and dessert will probably be a tub of hero’s 👍🏻 but I know DH will then want to come with me and MIL will be put out. My parents live in another city so would involve an hour drive which isn’t ideal but I think I prefer that to our current plans.

[saraclara]

This all seems incredibly unnecessary.

Has anyone actually spoken face to face or on the phone about this? It sounds like the sort of text communication that ends up confused and with no-one's tone of voice making things easier to understand.

I'd give MIL a call and just say that you're getting really confused (use a tinkly laugh if it would help). Explain that you can't eat either of the puddings and say "you're not going to throw me out if I turn up with a slice of (x) for my pudding, are you?!" (more tinkly laughter)

[itsmecathycomehome]

I feel like at some point mil sent her menu to you and at that point you could've said 'yep that's fine' and then just eaten what you wanted in the day, or pitched up with something for yourself with no prior warning.

By saying 'well I can't actually eat that, that or that but don't worry about me I'll bring my own' you've made her feel like she must accommodate you. And she's trying, but also has to accommodate everyone else.

It's anyone's guess why she can't just provide a choice of two puddings, or ask you to supply puddings, but it's obvious she wants everyone happy.

[Caterina99]

Just bring a box of heroes with you. Say sorry I’m too full for pudding (or be passive aggressive and say you can’t eat them) and then just eat some chocolates. Have a nice dessert to enjoy at home later if you’re bothered about it!

I can’t stand trifle, or tiramisu or similar desserts so I wouldn’t be thrilled by that menu. Too much dairy makes me feel ill, although I’m not allergic to it. I don’t request something special for me though, just say no thanks if it’s not something I fancy. Of course my family wouldn’t deliberately make something I don’t like, but sometimes people forget.

I do think it’s unkind though to knowingly provide options you know your guests can’t/wont eat and no alternative, and I can see why you’re not happy about it!

Can’t you just say “sorry I can’t eat x and y. Can we stick with the apple pie? I’ll bring one and we can have the other puddings too. We can never have too much pudding!” Are they really going to turn round after that and say no?!?