Anyone else’s DH love to fanny arse about?

[DrierThanANunsNasty]

Kind of lighthearted, kind of losing my rag...

My DH just LOVES to fanny about every. single. day.

Get all ready to go out, taxi pulls up, he’s just remembered actually he’s not ready at all and has to go back inside to do something else for 5 minutes.

Say I’m hungry so fancy fish and chips for dinner as it’ll be quicker to go get that than cook (lazy I know, but it’s practically next door). He then takes the next 20 minutes to faff about, having a chat with his mum on the phone, go sit on the toilet for another 20 minutes. I could’ve cooked a roast by this point!

Every time I bring it up he goes “it’s just one minute of faffing, it won’t change your life” but if I added up all those wasted faffing minutes it probably has been years of my life

Prepared to be told I’m highly strung btw but I can’t have the only faffy DH?!

I think we're married to the same man! I thought mine was the biggest faffer in the universe, but it looks like he has an equal!

We rarely leave the house together to go out somewhere but when we do he ALWAYS forgets something and takes 20 minutes to find it, on occasion this is repeated 2 or 3 times. Drives me nuts, I don't know how he gets anything done.

My favourite is when he does this just before we go on holiday. Taxi will be outside and he decides he has to pull his whole suitcase apart because he’s pretty sure he’s forgotten something we could definitely buy at the airport (like deodorant). Considering I always pack the suitcases it’s never missing. Drives me up the wall

Have you been hiding in my house

Ready to leave - needs 10m on the loo, then do his hair or some nonsense

Yep. Same here.

My biggest pet hate is he always moans I take too long to get ready, and that he’s sat downstairs waiting for me. But then I come down ready and it turns out he’s not ready at all, he still needs socks, shoes, phone, wallet, to do his hair and brush his teeth... erm, thought you were ready pal?

Mine “nips” out to places. Tesco, Screwfix, my father in law’s house. He can be gone for hours, it’s like he leaves the house and loses all concept of time. If you send him to pick up a takeaway you can guarantee it’ll be cold by the time it reaches you as he’s had to nip to Asda or wherever on the way home. It’s infuruating!

He also very suddenly needs a shower minutes before a guest is due to arrive leaving me to greet mother in law or his friend or whoever and sit making awkward small talk in the kitchen because he’s inexplicably in the shower for twenty mins. When he knows somebody is due imminently.

Mine can't undergo any change of state - going out, coming in, going to bed, adjourning to a different room, beginning or finishing an activity, making a phone call - without going for an epic shit. He takes about half an hour to birth said epic shit, then appears all bright and sprightly going "Right, everyone ready then?" I'd have concluded long ago that he was in fact having a wank, but the stench says otherwise

go sit on the toilet for another 20 minutes 🤣🤣🤣this made me laugh out loud, but I can totally see how it would drive you insane. Mine faffs but to a much lesser extent

I’m so glad I’m not the only one. It’s like he has ZERO time management skills!
Another example of this is just simple forward planning... say he needs to wash up and make dinner. He will do all the washing up and THEN turn the oven on to preheat. Why?! Why not preheat it when you’re washing up? I’ll never understand it.

Ah stop turkeyonaplate I'm in tears here

Yes. It makes me want to kill.

When he says he's ready to go I don't even stand up because when he says ready he means that he just needs to change his top, brush his teeth, find his lost keys, phone and wallet, watch the end of qualifying...etc etc.
I could cheerful kill him.

@turkeyontheplate that made me laugh so hard now DH wants to see what I’m laughing at...

Oh I couldn't be dealing with that 😂

My ex was an awful faffer. Never on time for anything. I don't mind waiting around too much but I expect a degree of tit for tat. Like if we went to his family he'd expect me to be ready when he came to pick me up. Ok I usually am, however if we were going to my family he would faff about "just need a shower" "need to do my hair" etc.
Drove me barmy 😂
No patience at all but I had shed loads in comparison. Nope, I'm done with that.

My mother says this about my dad! Me and my mum are very close and it drives me wild that he does this as we are very straightforward people. If you need to get a something from the kitchen, go get it. Don't fussarse about for 20 minutes saying how much you need it, spend 10 minutes getting it and then come back with another object that is entirely irrelevant. People have died for less during the war.

Also he stands in the middle of the room. I'd say it's like a roundabout but no bigger can get past him cos if you try, he moves with you so it's more like an obstacle from a Mario game. It's like dancing with the world's most obtuse bollard and it makes me want to resort to violent measures when I am so mild mannered. My 3 year old has the best response.
"Move Bampi"
"Pardon"
Too late, she has charged him at knee level and taken him down like a tiny rugby player fighting for a trophy

Mine will sit on the sofa while I am just finishing getting ready. The instant I say I am and grab the keys to leave, he has to go to the toilet.

Every. Damn. Time.

Yep mine is a total faffer.

We were meeting some friends of mine for dinner on Friday and I said I wanted to leave at 6 (which was quite tight timing wise anyway). And he starts taking the laundry off the clothes horse and folding it at 5:59!

Me: Why are you doing that now? We need to leave in one minute.
Him: it’ll only take five minutes.
Me: we don’t have five minutes!
Him: Chill out, it’ll be fine
Me: (Raging) You’ve been sat watching TV for the last 2 hours and NOW you start doing the laundry? Really?!

I should be glad that I didn’t have to do the laundry but he does it so often it drives me mental. Or suddenly needing a poo right before we have to go out. Grr. Glad I got that off my chest.

Yep. It's called "pottering" in our house. Drives me bonkers as when needed he can do things and get out the house on time!

#myhusbandtoo

I’ll be cooking a roast, just about to plate up, chucking tins in the sink, and he’ll start running a sink of water and say I’ll make a start on the tins. Er, can you not see the plates of food? Meanwhile, I’m trying to drain the water from the veg into a full sink of soapy water, he has spread the tins over every surface and he just faffs....

I've got ADD.

Off my meds, I'm a faffer too. 😳

Sorry. I'll get my coat. On my way out I'll empty the bins

Find the bin bags

Where are my keys?

Hi OP, I’m really sorry to say I think you might have married a polygamist as this is my husband too.

WTAF ARE THEY DOING ON THE TOILET FOR THAT LONG?!

I did start grilling DH about whether he was going to the loo or going to the loo as so often is be left waiting around for donkeys years while he did god knows what in there.

Maybe they’re practicing mindfulness??

Yup-I could have written this.

I think my DH really seems to struggle with all executive function skills-focus, memory, organisation, time management!

Presumably he manages at work?!

Yes, this. Always at bloody dinner time!! Sits down to start, forgets something - today it was putting the washing on. Me and the kids start without him now. Don’t even get me started on the 10mins of rearranging his dinner on his plate before starting.
If we’re going out and starts all this jollying about he gets told ‘listen fuckwit, not now’. That usually works.

Mine always finds something do as I'm serving dinner. I remember asking him to lay the table as I was plating up. I walk through a few minutes later with food and he has the chairs upside down on the table tightening bolts because 'they felt a bit wobbly'

Mine waits until we HAVE to leave then stands in the middle of the room and says ‘where are my keys?!’ as if they’re just going to fly right into his hand.