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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else’s DH love to fanny arse about?

205 replies

DrierThanANunsNasty · 16/12/2019 18:54

Kind of lighthearted, kind of losing my rag...

My DH just LOVES to fanny about every. single. day.

Get all ready to go out, taxi pulls up, he’s just remembered actually he’s not ready at all and has to go back inside to do something else for 5 minutes.

Say I’m hungry so fancy fish and chips for dinner as it’ll be quicker to go get that than cook (lazy I know, but it’s practically next door). He then takes the next 20 minutes to faff about, having a chat with his mum on the phone, go sit on the toilet for another 20 minutes. I could’ve cooked a roast by this point!

Every time I bring it up he goes “it’s just one minute of faffing, it won’t change your life” but if I added up all those wasted faffing minutes it probably has been years of my life Grin

Prepared to be told I’m highly strung btw but I can’t have the only faffy DH?!

OP posts:
Mehmehmeh19 · 16/12/2019 19:57

My DH is also a champion at this so much so he's earned himself the nickname Alfred as he dithers about like a 94 year old!

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/12/2019 19:58

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree Yes I agree, faffing and long drawn out toilet visits as a control tool. Interesting isn't it?

ginandgingers92 · 16/12/2019 19:58

Yep! 'Well I'm ready to go' he says, but when it's time to walk out the door he has to sort his hair out and brush his teeth 🙄🙄🙄

Turfaccountant · 16/12/2019 19:59

Mine thinks he has magic, not really happening minutes. Comes in from work, asks how long dinner will be and does he have time to walk the dogs. I'll say yes, about 25 minutes, then he'll go upstairs, fanny about (shit and then stare at himself in a mirror) for at least 20 minutes. Then just can't grasp how theres now only 5 mins till dinner.....every fecking day. Does he think the bathroom is a portal where time stands still. I actually feel murderous just thinking about it

saltysally · 16/12/2019 20:00

It's like dancing with the world's most obtuse bollard

Had a good chuckle at that @Soconfusedandlost

JKScot4 · 16/12/2019 20:06

I don’t find any of this funny, these men are rude and disrespectful. Why is their time more important than yours? Everyone has to wait on him like fuckin royalty?
Why do you wait on these arses? Go out, walk away leave them to their pointless arsing about.

JKScot4 · 16/12/2019 20:09

@Hellofromtheotherside2020
Have you not realised your DH is a manipulative arse?
Fakes migraines to avoid any of your plans, I’d divorce that.

happycamper11 · 16/12/2019 20:10

Choosing tv.... gaffs about flicking through channels. Goes back to something on Netflix a few times, flicks some more. Just pick something ffs

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/12/2019 20:11

I wonder if faffers have to get up an hour earlier for work to incorporate fannyarsing time? Do they faff while at work or is it confined to home and leisure time?

SunshineBubbles · 16/12/2019 20:12

Me: we have to leave in 3 minutes or we will be late
Husband: puts kettle on

StubbleTurnips · 16/12/2019 20:13

The thread misers are in Xmas Hmm

The reason I won’t be LTB is he has some excellent qualities just the faffing one is a PITA, plus he rides better than red rum at the derby. So you can all fuck off with your controlling bullshite. I too have some less desirable qualities believe it or not, as we’re all human, not perfect deities that live on MN.

Catrescue1971 · 16/12/2019 20:17

Dh always goes for a poo just before an outing. I call it his panic poo. It does my head in as not only is it wasting time but also it makes the house stink, just before leaving for a day out. So great fun ... we come back to a stinking house.

ClientListQueen · 16/12/2019 20:20

What is it with the toilet?! We have to use personal time at work so you can see on the board how long it's been
Me - need toilet, goes to toilet, washes hands, makes brew, back in 5 mins
Male colleague - needs toilet, goes to toilet... ten minutes later... still in toilet
I've managed to change a Mooncup, have a poo, wash my hands and make a brew and they're still contemplating whether they need to go or not Hmm

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/12/2019 20:22

So you can all fuck off with your controlling bullshite

Controlling, much?
I don't think a reasoned discussion about why faffers faff at hugely inconvenient times for other people is out of place here?

MamaWeasel · 16/12/2019 20:25

Mine's a faffer too..... Drives me mad!

managedmis · 16/12/2019 20:26

DH has his faults but this ain't one of them. He's a speedy fucker

MummyG85 · 16/12/2019 20:28

Oh my god, yes same! My 'favourite' is when I'm dishing up tea and I'm about to drain the veg... Apparently that's the only time he needs to make a drink, look in the cupboard, move things around the Kitchen or need me to watch some video he's found. Honest to god!
Yeap with you all on the imminent mega shit, I swear it must sit there and listen for trigger words.
What the hell mine does before a shower I'd love to know, quarter of an hour after going for a quick shower I can still hear him wondering around upstairs like he's lost 🙄
Last weekend he nipped to town quickly and rolled in 2 1/2 hours later.. seriously.

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 16/12/2019 20:31

StubbleTurnips

I said some people use faffing as a power/control thing, and I'm not the first, by a long shot, to think this.

I know someone with ADHD, she really does have issues around faffing at times, and I don't think it's about control with her.

I also left an abusive ex; he definitely faffed as a means of control.

Fredy45 · 16/12/2019 20:34

I have analysed the pre departure poo with dh. Firstly he seems oblivious bless him. Secondly he says if he does it it's so he doesn't leave a smell so he's being considerate Hmm

In his defence he is a swift evacuator so rarely causes much delay

Ironmanrocks · 16/12/2019 20:36

Oysterbabe I think we might share a DH! We have many episodes of late to dinnerness, but the worst was when we had guests over for the evening. I was just serving up, everyone else was sitting down and DH noticed a minuscule drip from the radiator. So he proceeded to fix it there and then. Food on the table and everyone waiting. Except he didn't fix it, he made it worse and managed to spray the kitchen with water, it was pissing everywhere. It probably took him 25mins at least to sort it - I could have cried at the time - I literally wanted to kill him. For his part, he likes to be seen as a do-er and was probably showing off until the point where it went wrong. Then he tried to laugh it off. The guests could see that I was NOT laughing. The evening was ruined - at least for me. I was so embarrassed! I think I drank lots of wine in the end to numb the pain of his sheer social incompetence.

Ironmanrocks · 16/12/2019 20:37

It's funny now of course!!! Grin Grin

Whatsername177 · 16/12/2019 20:39

I'm giggling at the term 'fanny arse'. Grin

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/12/2019 20:39

In his defence he is a swift evacuator so rarely causes much delay

Aha! I see a new action film coming, starring Mr Fredy45 as The Swift Evacuator Xmas Grin

PolloDePrimavera · 16/12/2019 20:42

Omg yes. I thought it was just my DF and DH.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/12/2019 20:47

@Soconfusedandlost - you paint an excellent mental picture - I laughed out loud at your tiny rugby player tackling her Bampi! That girl will go far.

Dh will vanish back into the house, leaving me sitting in the car, wondering where he’s gone. We have been married over 27 years, and I still have absolutely no idea what he does when he goes back in.

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