Anyone else’s DH love to fanny arse about?

[DrierThanANunsNasty]

Kind of lighthearted, kind of losing my rag...

My DH just LOVES to fanny about every. single. day.

Get all ready to go out, taxi pulls up, he’s just remembered actually he’s not ready at all and has to go back inside to do something else for 5 minutes.

Say I’m hungry so fancy fish and chips for dinner as it’ll be quicker to go get that than cook (lazy I know, but it’s practically next door). He then takes the next 20 minutes to faff about, having a chat with his mum on the phone, go sit on the toilet for another 20 minutes. I could’ve cooked a roast by this point!

Every time I bring it up he goes “it’s just one minute of faffing, it won’t change your life” but if I added up all those wasted faffing minutes it probably has been years of my life

Prepared to be told I’m highly strung btw but I can’t have the only faffy DH?!

Mine does this and then, when DC and I are all ready in our coats to leave (I’ve organised the getting ready of dc and I)
I’ll be grabbing shopping bags or whatever and say something along the lines of ‘we need to get going now’ and he’ll say ‘well we’re all waiting for you?!’ Ffs!

Every.Time!! His worst habit goes like this:

Can't find car keys as we're leaving the house (because he just chucks them anywhere)
5minutes later the keys are found but he now needs to find his wallet. (Also chucked somewhere but not in the same place as his keys.)
5minutes later wallet is found, he puts on his coat. Meanwhile me and the kids are stood ready to leave. THEN he decides he's too hot with this jumper on under his coat. Must change for a thinner jumper.
Another 5 minutes go by. I start to ferry the kids to the car whilst he puts his coat on for the 2nd time. Must then check his hair is perfect. Me and kids sit in the car freezing as he has the keys.

He comes out the house, goes back in to makesure the lights I switched off are definitely off (because I'm apparently incapable of flicking a switch properly). Comes out again, goes in again to double check the back door is definitely locked.
Comes outside for the 3rd time, locks front door. Gets half way to car, runs back to wiggle the handle and check its locked.

Starts car and as we are on the CUSP of pulling off the drive he slams the breaks on, launches himself out of the car. Runs to the door to makesure its locked again. Meanwhile me and the kids are screaming "GET IN THE CAR, THE DOORS LOCKED"

Imagine this every time you leave the house for 10YEARS!!!

Mine needs to check all the doors and windows when he leaves, pop to the loo, have a tidy round, last minute wee. It's worse when we get out of a car, he has to go and survey the boot for a bit, puts on a coat, takes it off again.. He used to go round and check all the car doors even when we had central locking. Now we have a car that opens when you touch the handle so he can't do that anymore 😂 it's mild OCD but it's still fannying.

Dear god yes! I have to tell DH we’re leaving 20 minutes earlier than Needed so that we have any hope of getting somewhere on time. When he’s going out by himself, he’s routinely late. But my god the faffing to just pick up your bag and walk out the front door.

Getting 'ready to go' is almost a double entendre in our house - it engages the most precise laxative known to human kind and seemingly only affects my husband.
#metoo #faffer

Some of these have had me in stitches. The posters mum and the song for shoelaces could be my dh. If we are having people over he will spend 45 minutes choosing music. I get that music is important for him but in that time I will have loaded and unloaded dishwasher, prepped veg, tidied kitchen, set table, given the kids a snack, overseen an argument re play station, made a start on starters, unpacked shopping etc etc.

His favourite used to be as we were leaving, I'd be sitting in the car while he was cutting his bloody finger nails!!!

We had 12 people over this weekend. Was preparing a full pre Christmas roast, home made dessert etc. He spent 45 minutes getting a table out of the shed and setting it up for the kids.....

There is also the selective faffing which peaks when it is a trip out of my choosing but is non existent when it is one of his events.

Ah, mine is the very opposite. He accuses me of faffing.

Us leaving the house goes something like this:

DH: "OK, you ready to go to the party? I'll take the kids and meet you in the car."
Me: "Er..."
DH: ... (He's already gone)
Me: Gets nappies and clothes and snacks for the baby, locks the back door and closes bathroom window so we don't get burgled, turns off Christmas tree lights so the house doesn't burn down, etc etc. 🙄

My ex was a faffer as were his grown children, irritating as hell.

My father will obsess about everyone being ready on time. He will relentlessly hurry everyone along when there is plenty of time. When it's time to set off - everyone will be ready except him. We then have to wait for him to finish getting ready. He once started trimming his nasal hair whilst we were all sitting in the car believing he'd just gone to check everywhere was locked up. He then had to clean his trimmer and oil the blade (something he'd never done before or since).

They generally arrive at least 30 minutes late and he will blame everyone else for not being ready.

Yes, I have one like this. On the weekend he'll ask if I'd like a coffee in bed. 45 mins later I'm still waiting and he'll be clearing the freezer or tidying the garage or I'll spot him cutting herbs in the garden?! It used to drive me mad but I now say 'yes please' to the coffee, wait one minute, pop down and get my coffee while he is anywhere but near the coffee machine and drink it in peace while he faffs around making my then second cup!

Same with the 'panic poo' poster, I call it that, I wonder if it's some kind of social anxiety coming out in poop form!

Sadly I always have to say I booked a table 15 mins before the actual time because he'll always make us late.

My DH was like this. One day he decided he would work from home and then thought he'd accompany me to preschool pick-up to surprise DD1. He often misses bedtime when he's at the office so it was a really nice idea, except I told him the time I would need to leave and yet, still:

Me: I'm leaving in 5 minutes, are you going to be ready?
DH: [Not looking up from his work] Yep, yep, just shutting the laptop down.
...
Me: OK, I'm headed to the car now.
DH: [Not looking up] Yep, yep.
Me: No, I mean now. Right now. Otherwise I'll be late.
DH: Mmmm.
Me: If you're busy, it's fine. It's just, I've got to go.
DH: Mmm.
Me: OK, I'll see you when I get back then.

So I got in the car and turned out of our road, only to see him sprinting behind me. He was absolutely FURIOUS. Couldn't believe I left without him as he'd "told" me he was coming. Was out off puff the whole time

Hasn't done it since

So you know my husband then!

With all the time he wastes I dont know how he has time to be a bigamist!😉

EVERY time the cab is waiting he goes all the way back in to go to the loo. I make the kids go before we leave🙄.

For ten years my parents blamed me for always being late for everything, UNTIL they met us at our house for the onward journey, suddenly all was clear.

But it's always me who makes us late, my husband will tell you!!😂😂

Mine is a moderate faffer. We do a sport together, on the days we’re playing he gets up and faffs around getting ready, having breakfast and putting 2 pieces of kit in the car. In the meantime I’ve got up ten minutes after him, got ready, eaten, fed the pets, walked the dog, filled the dishwasher, make the coffee, bunged the washing on and usually half a dozen other things, and am sitting in the car while he farts around. Drives me insane as I’ve no idea what the hell he is doing.

I fear it’s going to get worse though. We were visiting his parents once for a few days, and DH had to go and work for a day in a town about 40 miles away. We arranged to see some friends there that night. I was going to get the train through- takes less than an hour, frequent, reliable service. My inlaws (who are lovely) insisted on driving me. Okay, the drive usually takes an hour - maybe an hour and a half if the traffic is bad. We left three hours earlier than if I’d caught the train, drove about 5 miles stopped for petrol as tank was only half full, carried on, stopped after 20 miles for a loo break, carried on, then stopped again for petrol ten miles later! Got to the destination and drove around slowly for 45 minutes to find an appropriate parking space out of the four thousand or so that were available. By this point I was half an hour late to meet my DH and was on the verge of leaping from the moving car. We were late to meet our friends and I vowed that day I would never let them give me a lift ever again, and have stuck to it. I worry though that my DH is showing signs of turning into his dad and that future journeys together will be similarly tortuous.

@RainySnowyDay just reading about that journey is stressing me out! 😆 My mum is the same, except she will get lost, cry, have a tantrum and end up yelling at everyone. I avoid her in life let alone on a journey. I think she has made me an efficient anti-faffer in defiance!

I get myself and 3 kids ready with assorted snacks, drinks, nappy bag etc... we’ll be at the door putting shoes on and he’s stood there in his underpants

I don't know how you lot put up with this. It wasn't old drive me crazy. Does he not get better? Once you've sat him down and had a serious but calm discussion about it?

Mine has been known to go back inside up to 8 times....forgotten something, needs to check something, wants a different hat, needs a week, what about water....I used to be absolutely MAD with rage but now I'm almost 50 and it's been going on 20 years I just sit there...the kids get mad and I'm probably as annoying as DH in my acceptance. He's almost 50 too. Unlikely to change now.

My DH is a faffer BUT he also loves to be stupidly early for everything. He will faff for hours before we go somewhere, but is always ready at the agreed time. So I just stay out of his way whilst he mumbles and faffs away, then appear ready at the door. It’s a dream. The faffing itself is strange, he does bizarre little jobs and tinkers with parts of the house I’ve never even noticed, like random pipes outside or door hinges.

On the odd occasion that he isn’t ready, I’ve just left the house and started walking, he’ll run to catch up.

We are all ready to go sometimes when DH says oh didn't realise was raining and then proceeds to change what he's wearing because 'he doesn't wear that top with his raincoat'....

The amount of times I catch my husband sat in his towel starring into space/the mirror/oblivion when we have to be somewhere in 5 mins. I feel your pain!

Oh my....I call mine "king faffer". He will sit around doing bugger all, then the minute we need to leave the house he will need the loo. Then he will arrange the remote controls...then he will start pratting about with things on the mantelpiece, putting them in little piles/in a row.
On holiday is the worst, he faffs for ages with his camera/phone/wallet before we leave the hotel, counting money, changing batteries etc, right at the last minute while I'm standing at the door. Drives me bloody nuts.

Dh used to faff no end, getting kids to swimming lessons of a morning, me running around like a loon getting everything ready, me getting shouty because he faffs too much. He didn’t like the fact I shouted and was mean because he couldn’t get himself ready and I had to get all the kids ready and myself. In the end we decided that we were both unreasonable, and to avoid me nagging and because I always get them up for school he had to get everyone up, fed breakfast, swimming gear and kids In the car. I didn’t think he could do it, turns out he can. He just wanted to fuck about so I did it all. Well it didn’t work, I sit upstairs having breakfast in bed while he cracks on of a Sunday morning.

Ladies if you run around after them they will faff to avoid pulling their weight. Just don’t put up with it.

Yes. Constantly faffing around while asking me if im ready over and over. We will all be in the car and he’s in the toilet.

I always tell him to prepare the night before but he won’t

I used to go out with the king of faffers, he came from a family of faffers e.g being his mother invited us for dinner at 7pm and it finally got served at midnight, I kid you not. I knew there was no hope for him then.