Anyone else’s DH love to fanny arse about?

[DrierThanANunsNasty]

Kind of lighthearted, kind of losing my rag...

My DH just LOVES to fanny about every. single. day.

Get all ready to go out, taxi pulls up, he’s just remembered actually he’s not ready at all and has to go back inside to do something else for 5 minutes.

Say I’m hungry so fancy fish and chips for dinner as it’ll be quicker to go get that than cook (lazy I know, but it’s practically next door). He then takes the next 20 minutes to faff about, having a chat with his mum on the phone, go sit on the toilet for another 20 minutes. I could’ve cooked a roast by this point!

Every time I bring it up he goes “it’s just one minute of faffing, it won’t change your life” but if I added up all those wasted faffing minutes it probably has been years of my life

Prepared to be told I’m highly strung btw but I can’t have the only faffy DH?!

He washes up and makes dinner? Wow it's a keeper.

@Soconfusedandlost that's funny 😂

My DH can’t leave the house without returning within 5 mins for something crucial he’s forgotten. Every single time.

For years now, me and the kid will hear him come back in and ask about his outing ‘How was it?’, ‘What did you have to eat?’, ‘Need help putting away the shopping, dear?’.

He plays along, answering the questions as though he actually made it further than the end of the driveway.

The 8yo made him a checklist of common forgotten items, stuck it to the inside front door. It included (sensibly): phone, keys, your head, the screws.

Oh, and he’s regularly late (and makes us all late) to meals out because he’s needed desperately to make a complicated snack.

It’s not like we’ve arranged to dine in a different timezone, it’s just apparently that once food is planned he has it forefront in his mind and can’t wait the 10 minutes to drive to it. Bloody toddler.

DH has a habit that for some reason drives me insane with silent rage! When he announces he's going to go out for whatever reason - run an errand, meet a friend, go to the gym etc. He'll get ready - coat and shoes on, ready to walk out the door and then... sit down on the sofa and read or play a game on his phone for 20 minutes. It drives me absolutely nuts for some reason and I can't quite figure out why? It really is the weirdest thing but I get so, so, so annoyed by this.

Not so much the faffing but going to the fucking loo. I look at my watch and see we have 10 minutes to go so will go to loo, wash hands, brush hair and get my coat and shoes. The minute we have to leave DH has to shit!!! Then he has no sense or urgency and just ambles along as if he has all the time in the world.

Mil is the worlds biggest faffer, bag, coat, shoes...let’s gooooo!

We've just finished wrapping an absolute mountain of presents. I'd finished my half and started on his before he finalised the 'present wrapping playlist.'

"...doing the square root of fuck all..."

That made me laugh out loud, @thecatsthecats! I'm stealing that phrase, if you don't mind - though it applies more to me and my lack ofactivity than it does to dh, if I am honest.

I think we are married to the same man, @toomuchtooold - dh is definitely a supermarket faffer who has to compare eleventy billion slightly different items before deciding which one to buy (usually the one I had selected after only a few seconds' deliberation). I do the big weekly shop online now - much less frustrating - but when we were going and doing it in person, I developed a strategy of giving him a specific item to find - and then I'd leave him faffing over which mature cheddar was the best value, and whether to get two packs of this one or one pack of that one, or which joint was the best value and nearest in size to what we needed - whilst I whipped off and completed approximately 50% of the rest of the shopping - and he could catch me up, with the perfect packet of cheese or joint of meat.

I don't think he ever realised what I was doing, or that I could do most of the shopping whilst he carefully faffed over selected one or two items.

But my blood pressure is definitely lower, now I do it all online.

I'm sorry, but that did make me smile, @Oysterbabe!

I write all of our Christmas cards - I'm at home and dh is working all the hours God sends, so it makes sense. I am slightly dreading when he retires, because he will NOT approve of how I do the cards.

He has a massive bee in his bonnet about making sure the ink is dry before you close up the card and put it in the envelope - so he will write the card, write the envelope, and then sit them on the side for a few minutes until he is satisfied that there will be no smudging on the inside of the card.

This is faffy, but OK if he is only writing one card - but we send about 70 cards each Christmas, and frankly I don't have the time or the energy to faff around worrying about ink smudges (and I have never had anyone fall out with me over a smudge in their Christmas card), so I write the card, shove it in the envelope, seal it, bang on an address label and stamp, and it is done in seconds.

Dh will totally freak out when he sees me doing this - but only once. The first time he criticises how I do the cards, I will bung the list and the pile of cards over to him, and he can do the whole bloody lot.

My DH is a an unusual type of faffer. So let’s say we need to leave at 11am. He will appear by my side at 10.35 with his coat on and say “Are you ready?!” When I say no, cos I was working towards 11 am he gets frustrated and slopes off. Then come 11am I go to find him and he’s deep into an important spreadsheet etc. So then he says hang on a minute...and we end up leaving 15 minutes late but it’s my fault because I wasn’t ready to go when he was! If I’m ever found guilty of murder it will be because of this.

Mines like a toddler in a supermarket.I go to an aisle and he just disappears

And i can never find him.And he runs with the trolley so im left carrying things around Aldi or Tesco trying to find him.

Mine does this! Sometimes it is so stressful.

Last week I booked a taxi to arrive at a certain time. It was 7pm, he had the day off so had all day and then decided when the taxi arrived to faff around getting ready. I'd warned him half an hour before hand but no, he waited until the taxi was there.

My DP is the same! Yet the stereotype is that women take ages to get ready/leave the house, reality seems to be the opposite. The other annoying thing with my dp, is that as I know his faffy tendancies I have started to take my time rather than stand around with my coat on waiting by the front door. The instant he's ready IT IS TIME TO GO NOW and if I haven't got my coat and shoes on, I'm the one who is taking too long and never ready on time!

Another one whose DH's instant response to dinner being ready is to busy himself doing a totally unnecessary task. Usually uploading or downloading something totally non urgent while food goes cold. It's infuriating beyond belief. We now tuck in as soon as the food is on the table and completely ignore his feigned shock that we're already eating without him.

I had an ex who used to faff for a solid ten minutes before getting out of the car when we arrived somewhere. I quickly learned to not get out of the car until he did, which used to annoy him no end but was substantially warmer than waiting outside the car in the cold/rain like a nelly!

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius that is definitely the same bloke. This weekend we are going to do the big Christmas shop at the posh supermarket and it will be a nightmare. It's the French supermarket as well (we live in Germany where all the supermarkets are basically like Lidl), it's like Tesco Extra, it sells everything, so he will want to stare at car engine oil and teapots for hours as well. And then when I go off and get everything and come back he'll have moved three feet one aisle and will ask me not to go off again because it's slowing us down. Well he probably won't do that this time to be fair because he said that last year and even the kids laughed at him

"We've just finished wrapping an absolute mountain of presents. I'd finished my half and started on his before he finalised the 'present wrapping playlist.'

YES. This is DH. I've just stopped even assuming he'll actually help with the wrapping. Because he will spend the first 45 minutes creating christmassy music, making tea etc etc and I'll be almost done. I just let it happen now.

This was the least stressful year for putting up the tree. Came home after school fair and DH had promised the kids to put up the tree. WHY? starting at 6pm? But I decided I wasn't going to get stressed out about it so told him to get ready and started. And i spent 90 minutes in the kitchen making dinner, unloading the shopping and catching up on a show I'd been watching. Wandered in 90 minutes as they were starting and putting aside my irritation at DD going to be bed late, I got to enjoy the actual putting up of the tree because I'd absented myself while it took him those 90 minutes to track down the decorations, build the tree, find the lights etc.

Mine does this weird kind of mental delay on arriving home when we have been out. Sits in the car in the driveway looking straight ahead while I have leaped out, gone inside and started doing stuff. I think someone on here referred to it as buffering.

I should have known how my life would be when I first met oil who are mega faffers.
We had decided to go ice skating one year and after about 4 hours of faffing and deciding which rink to go to and who to visit in the way or way back I just took dd and drove to the nearest rink and went skating. Left them there with dh still deciding what to do.
My sil was sympathetic and admitted thats pretty standard.
My fil even changes his damn trousers just to walk to the shops. I mean. Who the fuck does that?

Every single time we are about to go out, without fail, we will all be stood by the front door, coats on, car loaded etc, and my DH has to go for a poo. Drives me insane.

My DH can’t leave the house without returning within 5 mins for something crucial he’s forgotten. Every single time

Mine too. I’d love to know what is not quite functioning properly in his head to make this happen.

Does anyone else always gives an arrival time 30 mins before we are due? That way we’re rarely more than 10 mins late for anything. DH has never cottoned on and happily believes we are horrendously late for everything.

We got mirrors 5 years ago and I’ve been nagging him to put them up but nothing doing, 5 minutes before our friends were due over he starts getting the tool kit out and pencilling on the wall for the mirrors. I was torn - I really REALLY wanted the mirrors up but not when guests are literally at the door, knew if I told him we didn’t have time the mirrors would never be put up. Two years later, they are still under the bed.

Me and the kids are sorted and ready to leave and he decides he needs a shower.

The doors are checked by him multiple times, all interior doors must be shut before leaving the house even for a couple of hours (why god why), finally getting off the drive and he has to run back to check the door. Just slipping into sleep and he jerks up off the bed to double check he locked the back door.

It’s infuriating. More so when my face of thunder is met with, “tut, don’t get moody”. AAAAAARRRGGH!

@Ledkr - DF must have a secret family unknown to us because he gets dressed for that. And for giving lifts where he won't have to leave the car!