Anyone else’s DH love to fanny arse about?

[DrierThanANunsNasty]

Kind of lighthearted, kind of losing my rag...

My DH just LOVES to fanny about every. single. day.

Get all ready to go out, taxi pulls up, he’s just remembered actually he’s not ready at all and has to go back inside to do something else for 5 minutes.

Say I’m hungry so fancy fish and chips for dinner as it’ll be quicker to go get that than cook (lazy I know, but it’s practically next door). He then takes the next 20 minutes to faff about, having a chat with his mum on the phone, go sit on the toilet for another 20 minutes. I could’ve cooked a roast by this point!

Every time I bring it up he goes “it’s just one minute of faffing, it won’t change your life” but if I added up all those wasted faffing minutes it probably has been years of my life

Prepared to be told I’m highly strung btw but I can’t have the only faffy DH?!

DP is the faffer from hell. This evening when I called her she was trying to precisely pinpoint a specific location on her sat nav for a work trip on Thursday. She’s not even bloody driving. I told her to call me back when she was done. She called me an hour later, rushing because she was getting ready for bed.

When she’s here I’ll tell her to take first shower in the morning because she takes so long to get ready. I can get in the shower after her, do my teeth, get dressed and be ready to go out and she’ll still be fannying around finding clothes.

Every shopping trip is a nightmare as she spends ages examining each product and making up her mind. I love going to Aldi for this reason, because there’s no bloody choice.

If she says she’ll be round at 4:00 she’ll arrive at 5:30, and if I ask her to leave work at 5:00 sharp because we’re going somewhere she’ll ring me at 5:45 telling me she’s just left but the warehouse next door is sending out all Their lorries so it’ll take her 20 minutes to get off site.

She gets up for work at 6:15 to leave for work at 8:00 but she’s always late. I can fall out of bed at 7:00 shower, eat breakfast and hustle DS out the door, throw my clothes on and be out the door by 7:45.

Argh it drives me fucking mental.

My ex basically wouldn’t start getting ready until he was sure everyone else was completely ready and waiting for him. Ideally with coats on. Drive you mad.

My DH generally doesn't faff, but he does always find something faffy to do when we come back from the supermarket with a ton of shopping that needs putting away.

My Dad was a total faffer it drove us all bonkers. He never wore a watch and had little concept of time. He was incredibly disorganised.
He was really late for a family funeral once because he had to run an errand/shop/faf, my mum left for the service without him and he was half an hour late....

I think I’m the faffer. I need emergency poos, I forget stuff, I get distracted and do other things.

Yep. Mine does this. ALL THE TIME

The last few months iv actually taken to lying about times we have to be somewhere as being late drives me insane. I tell him hospital / gp /meeting / dinner is half hour before it actually is and most of the time we are still about 10 minutes late.

I havent had the "pleasure" of a plane journey bit i would tell him the flight was a good hour before.... Useless man!

I think the toilet thing is anxiety based for my oh.

As for saying he's ready but isn't, I ignore the words and just carry on with my day. I don't hear this, prepare to leave and then sit and wait. He also has to be literally walking out the door because I've mistaken him being at the door putting on shoes as a sign he's ready, nope, more toilet is needed. He learned not to step outside AND THEN decide now toileting is needed, but that's as far as I think I can get with this.

It's not unknown for me and the DC's to be getting our coats on, and to hear DH getting into the shower

Mine does this weird kind of mental delay on arriving home when we have been out

Mine does this too! Except he comes in the door, removes his own coat, and sits on the sofa. I come in, remove my coat, remove our son's coat and shoes, ensure son has something to occupy him (autistic), put the kettle on, let the cat in, feed the cat, unpack the shopping ...

These are so funny but I'd love to know what causes it because unless you have a faffing do you wouldn't believe it.
Other traits of mine are .

Often doesn't reply to me.
Will stop still and stare at the TV for ages even if it's not something he watches and even if he's in a rush.
Has the attention span of a gnat.
No sense of direction.
Forgets stuff all the time.
His parents are very similar. I've often wondered if they are all on the spectrum for asd.

Yes

It drives me insane. My friends thought I was exaggerating about his faffyness but when they came to stay they were pulling their hair out as we spent large portions of the day just lurking in the door way waiting to leave.

We could have 0 plans all day and be going out at 8. Itll get to 6 and I'll be saying we should start getting ready, hes like "nah we got ages" and I'll nag and nag with same response back and he will get in shower at 7:55. We missed the first course of a pre paid meal last week I was fuming.

He will start getting angry about being late, rushing around but then suddenly I'll catch him folding towels or he'll be like "actually..quick just watch this funny video on Instagram" even though hes just been stressing about being late.

Mines just stands at the door passive aggressively...keys in hand...telling my DC that "we'll go when Mummy's ready"

But he does absolutely fuck all organising us for leaving - DC has no coat, hat, gloves, snacks, water bottle, entertainment for long journey, car isn't de-iced, he doesn't stick the wash machine or dishwasher on so just stands there effectively watching me do this. DC is pre-school and literally more helpful!

Clearly in some cases it's down to adhd/anxiety/OCD/unintended procrastination tendencies, but with some men it's clearly a power/self-importance thing (even if they wouldn't recognise that's why they do it). I think it's probably pretty obvious which men are which, as the self-important ones will most likely be perfectly punctual and organised about things in their lives that are important to them.

My DF used to do it - insist that everyone must be ready to go at X time, sit around looking all ready and pleased with himself, then as time X approached he'd go off and busy himself with something. Then when we were all ready at X time and said let's go, he'd look faux-surprised and say "Oh I was ready on time, I was just doing this while I waited for you lot!" grrr. No idea if he still does it - should ask my DM!

Dh is a kitchen faffer. He'll say hes going to make dinner, I go in half an hour later and hes got all the pans out and is taking a screwdriver to the pan drawer. Dinner arrives several hours later. The other night he went in to clean up after dinner, and came back out an hour later with crepes suzette. Very nice, but the kitchen now looked even worse.

He also does the going back into the house thing. I'm sat in the car with a toddler and a baby, neither of whom like sitting in a non moving car, and hes disappeared back into the house for 20 minutes. If I let him get away with it we would be late to everything. So now I tell him, we need to be in the car and pulling off the driveway at x time. (Which is 20 minutes earlier than we actually do need to go) then I tell him it means we need to be leaving the house at x minus 20 minutes. And 20 minutes before that I start reminding him. That seems to work.

Fortunately he makes bloody delicious crepes suzettes among many many other redeeming qualities. So I think I'll keep him.

My (very much ex) ex is a horrific faffer but it would frequently cross the line into absolute arsehole selfishness. Highlights include;

1. He missed the first half of my daughters christening because he needed new shoelaces as his left shoe looked a bit frayed, he wandered into the church during the godparents bit and then sat in a pew changing the laces while the vicar was doing his solemn bit!
2. He left it so late to book time off work for our best friends wedding so we could only go down on the morning of the wedding and then tried to make me take two young children to the brides house while we were getting ready (I was bridesmaid!) while he went to Tesco to get some socks. That didn't happen.
3. MOTHERS day! He had a lie in while I cleaned the whole house, cooked a roast dinner and looked after kids. I woke him up at 12pm as we had all the family coming round for lunch at 1pm. I thought he'd actually help at that point but at 12.30 I called up to see what he was doing and he was cutting his toenails while still in the bed! I'm not ashamed to say I completely lost my fucking shit right at that point. The resulting meltdown is still referred to by my kids 10 years later whenever my wonderful husband does something a bit daft (but nowhere near the level of twattery of ex) usually my teenager will say "mum remember the day that xxx didn't help" it's a running joke now. It also reminds DH of what my limit is

Oh my DH is the biggest faffer and it drives me insane! He'll be awake at 7 on the weekend and declare he's going for a run - no problem. So I leave him to get ready while I take DS downstairs to get breakfast, make coffee etc. 45 minutes later he finally strolls downstairs ready to run - and I literally have no idea how it takes him so bloody long to put running gear on and go to the toilet. I can hear him opening wardrobes, flushing the toilet etc so I know he's not laying in bed getting an extra half hrs sleep! So by the time he's got ready, run, has breakfast, showered and dressed the whole bloody morning has gone - drives me mad! He'll also potter about in the kitchen making coffees and getting plates out for toast etc before he's put the kettle on or got the bread out of the bread bin. Maybe I'm just anal but I always put the toaster down / kettle on first before getting plates/milk/jam out. I have t get out of the kitchen if he's doing breakfast because it drives me up the wall!! 😂

Could be worse though - my MIL will
often let everyone get in the car ready to go out and suddenly decide that the downstairs needs hoovering. Perhaps I should be thankful!

Mine did the disappearing just as I'm dishing up dinner thing too. A couple of times he didn't appear until I'd finished mine, cleared up and tipped his in the bin. Only a couple of times mind you, he's been (a bit) more respectful since.

I've often puzzled if it's because DH has mild ASD. It's like he really struggles to segue smoothly from one scenario to another, so needs a few minutes of soothing displacement pointless activity to smooth the transition. Thinking about it, he also stresses if any conversation jumps about between topics, can't follow it at all. Oh yeah, and has zero sense of direction, even gets lost with a Satnav. Gets very stressed as believes every single roundabout and junction should display all possible destination scenarios. He is very highly intelligent though, very witty and astonishingly good in bed, so I'm keeping him.

Aww my DH is a faffer and I hate faffing. He will have got Dd ready but not 100% properly so I will be ready and realise she doesn't have the appropriate shoes, scarf or he forgot gloves so then another 10 minutes spent sorting that out. Then oh I forgot to pick up a/b/c so go find that. His shoes take ages to lace up to. Thankfully he is learning to try to be thorough and start earlier.

However he has many many redeeming qualities and I am not perfect by far so it is all fair.

Fuck - YES!

My DH cant have a shower for getting ready to go out without announcing it at least 4 times and faffing in between. The routine goes
Me: so we'll need to leave in about an hour...
DH: yeah I'm just about ready, I just need to have a quick shower......(watches tv)
Me: we need to leave in half an hour
DH; yes yes I only need to have a quick shower while not doing anything about going for a shower
Me: we need to leave in 10 min
Me: go in the shower now, we need to leave in 5 min.
At the time were meant to be leaving he'll come down and ask if his shirt/trousers look ok, and then decide he needs to change one of them!

I laughed so much at this thread! I come from a faffing family, a faffing father and now have a faffing husband haha. DHs go-to faff is to work nights, but want to do the school run with me in the morning. Spend half an hour trying to wake him up, then he spends ten minutes playing with our children getting them hysterical and uncooperative and starts faffing and fannying around. I will have the girls strapped in the car and sit there beeping the horn while he fannies around doing God only knows what. Makes me so mad! Either commit to being on the school run or stay in bed! We are late every day that he asks to come without fail...

My dad is a king faffer and it used to drive me nuts as a child. As far as I'm concerned it's absolutely a control thing - we will go when he is ready.

The latest one that my mum cannot forgive, was that they had my DC1 and I was in hospital having had DC2 unexpectedly a bit early. I called them to say they could come in with DC1 to meet the baby etc so she was all systems go to jump in the car and get moving. He wandered off to the kitchen. Apparently this was the ideal time to descale the kettle.

The kettle was not descaled.

DF is a delayed faffer. He gets ready early and then decides to do something (usually painting) while DM is getting ready.
He reappears at the time they are supposed to leave with a paint stain somewhere on his clothes. Then has to get changed so his clothes can be washed so they are late.
I have no idea why he always feels the need to paint something before he goes out, maybe it’s his version of the nervous shit

My 12 yo DD is an immense faffer. DH and I spend hours standing in the hall in coats and shoes waiting for her to faff. It drives me mad.