Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DU never locks the bloody door

265 replies

Saitama · 16/12/2019 01:27

Title really, we moved to a new house recently and DH so far 6 times (not that I’m counting... Hmm ) has left the front door unlocked. We live on a main road so the front door is easily accessible. We also have dogs so if they jumped at or knocked the door handle it could open, they could escape and get run over as well as all our stuff being stolen. Fab!

I find this absolutely infuriating. He doesn’t take it seriously, says he will lock it next time and promises to lock it as soon as he gets in, but 6 chances later and he still leaves it unlocked and now I obviously don’t trust him.

I’ve taken his house keys and our car key from him and said I’ll have to let him in and out of the house like a child. I don’t trust him with the car key because how can I know he’s locking the car if he can’t even lock the house door? I’ve told him he has to get a bus to work now. Too harsh? AIBU?

How do I make him lock the fking door!?!? I don’t want to have to babysit the keys but what choice do I have? I looked at getting an auto lock as a secondary lock but it’s a upvc door so I’m unsure you can even get it for that type, and frankly why should I have to spend money on that when as an adult DH should just be able to lock the door normally? ARGH! Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Saitama · 16/12/2019 01:28

Obviously DU in the title is meant to be DH.. oops !

OP posts:
Dita73 · 16/12/2019 01:36

Sounds like he needs a kick up the arse!

Josette77 · 16/12/2019 01:42

You are making him bus to work and took his car keys??? That is incredibly controlling.

Purpleartichoke · 16/12/2019 01:46

Most men don’t understand the fear that women experience every single day. That low level awareness you have to always have turned on when you are not behind a locked door.

Your anger and frustration is justified.

MerryShitmas · 16/12/2019 01:51

I’m very anxious and on edge when my door is unlocked but just.... Wow I get that you’re frustrated, mine is the same. But you have gone way too far.
Leave a post it note near the door to remind him, tell him to do it as he gets in until it sinks in etc etc. Get him to set a reminder on his phone just in case, he’ll get it eventually. But making him get the bus to work and “confiscating” the keys (when you don’t even have proof he leaves the car unlocked) is fucking disgraceful. If this was reversed you’d be told to LTB and frankly I can see why!

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 16/12/2019 01:54

I don't know how you could remind him everytime other than go old school and tape a post it to the inside of your door at eye level with "HAVE YOU LOCKED THE DOOR" on it...was your previous front door a pull shut door and it automatically locks?...if so then he's probably in a habit of thinking pull shut and it's locked...and he needs to get into a new habit of locking each time ..

MidnightCircus · 16/12/2019 01:55

You confiscated his keys because he didn't lock the door? Is he 13? Are you his mum? Could you imagine if a man did that to a woman? That's abuse. End of. You are so unreasonable, I'm amazed you are so unaware.

Original poster
Saitama · 16/12/2019 01:56

I took the house and car keys in anger really. It’s my car too that he uses it isn’t his.

Surely I shouldn’t have to leave reminders to lock the door and make him set alarms. He’s not a child he’s an adult man. I shouldn’t have to babysit him like that.

Like I said it’s also the 6th time he’s left it unlocked in the last few weeks, so he’s had plenty of chances and made plenty of promises to lock it which he’s broken. Surely it’s just common sense to lock the door? And there’s nothing distracting him, he just doesn’t think to do it for some reason.

What if I give him the keys back and then he leaves the door unlocked again and we get burgled and all the dogs get stolen or escape? Surely I’ll be wishing then that I was proactive and took steps to protect the house and the dogs

OP posts:
Original poster
Saitama · 16/12/2019 01:57

Also the door at the old house wasn’t an auto lock one, he had to lock it himself and never had a problem with it

I agree I’m being U to take the keys but how else can I keep us safe?? Genuine question

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 16/12/2019 02:00

He needs to grow up. Sounds like it's not going to happen over night so in the meanwhile I'd change it to the type of lock that he probably understands ie. locks automatically when you shut the door.

It's not worth loosing sleep over. Just get it done. It doesn't sound like he'd notice anyway.

Dogno1 · 16/12/2019 02:00

How old is your car that it doesn't automatically central lock when you step away from it? No, you can't confiscate the car keys and tell him to get the bus 🙄 Yes, you can be pissed off that he's not locking the front door when he comes in, but that's a completely seperate issue. Tell him there's been a spate of robberies in the local area so you need to be vigilant.

MidnightCircus · 16/12/2019 02:04

How often are you leaving before he does? Is it actually a high risk area? I'd just change the lock to an auto-lock personally, removes at the issues

wildcherries · 16/12/2019 02:11

I can't believe you took his keys. Had a woman posted this from her partner, there would be pitchforks out. Not OK.

Graphista · 16/12/2019 02:13

I'd be tempted to give him a fright!

Get up early one morning take the dogs and leave the door open? Leave door open and hide his phone/tablet something else he considers precious or even speak to local community police perhaps arrange a security assessment (most forces happy to do this) and you can mention while officer there that he leaves door open and officer can educate on local burglary rates?

He's an immature twat! This time of year in particular is prime time for home burglaries for obvious reasons and if you're dealing with a high/drunk burglar things can turn very nasty.

There's already been several thefts among my circle thankfully one burglar clearly caught on cctv face the lot so police hopeful they'll catch him. But chances of recovering the goods are slim and the victims are still very shaken.

My brother is a police officer and his house is secure to the hilt! He wouldn't ever dream of even only having one lock on the door! Let alone leaving it unsecured.

There are alarms you can get that go off if the door is left unlocked for x amount of time might that be an idea? Don't think they're cheap though.

BalloonDinosaur · 16/12/2019 02:17

This would annoy me too tbh, but not sure what's the best way to deal with it.

I'm relatively sure that if you were burgled, your insurance would be invalid as soon as they realised your door wasn't locked.

Dogno1 · 16/12/2019 02:21

I'd also look at installing a flip over bolt on the front door. We have one of those and tbh I'm probably far worse at locking the front door than my DH. If I'm carting in shopping or bursting for the toilet I'll often just rush in the door and flip the bolt across, then lock it when I remember. They're pretty sturdy and it's a secondary security measure when the door is actually locked.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 16/12/2019 02:29

Install a Yale lock. The lock automatically when the door is closed. It will give you peace of mind the door is always security locked. Additionally you will have an extra lock which is added security when you are out. Our house only had standard locks when we moved in so adding a Yale was one of the first things we did. It’s just easier. The only downside is the risk of locking yourself out but a spare key with a family member or friend usually solves that.

Topseyt · 16/12/2019 02:30

I don't think you have been unreasonable at all, to be honest. That would drive me absolutely round the bend.

I wouldn't fit a self locking lock though. I don't like them due to the possibility of getting locked out if you forget to pick up your keys on the way out. He needs to grow up and learn to lock doors.

MerryShitmas · 16/12/2019 02:53

Well yes it’s frustrating but you’re already treating him like a fucking child surely a reminder or post it note is better than being so controlling towards him???

Dogno1 · 16/12/2019 03:18

What's the parking/entry situation at the back of the house? Dd lives in a terrace and nobody uses the front doors as a main entry. She says it's much more secure to park at the back and access the house via the garage or yard. They've got a security light, and everyone else does the same in the row. They open the front door onto open green space vs a street, but she says it still feels safer bringing a pushchair in through a yard vs opening a front door directly into the house. Can you use the other door as main entry vs the one to the street access?

VenusTiger · 16/12/2019 03:20

Put a bloody Yale on the door, check it before you go up to bed as I do every night and get over it ffs

Aridane · 16/12/2019 03:31

That lock sounds like a disaster waiting to happen - change the locks

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 16/12/2019 03:40

Change the locks.

It’s a mental block, he can’t help it. eventually the penny will drop but in the meantime you need to feel safe. He owes you that.

Turtletotem · 16/12/2019 03:51

My parents had a Upvc door with a handle on both sides which could easily be left unlocked. It was easily sorted by getting the handle taken off on the outside.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 16/12/2019 03:59

How old is your car that it doesn't automatically central lock when you step away from it?

Ha don’t be a snobby twat. I have a brand new 19 plate car and I have to lock it. Not all cars are keyless, that’s just one type.