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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DU never locks the bloody door

265 replies

Saitama · 16/12/2019 01:27

Title really, we moved to a new house recently and DH so far 6 times (not that I’m counting... Hmm ) has left the front door unlocked. We live on a main road so the front door is easily accessible. We also have dogs so if they jumped at or knocked the door handle it could open, they could escape and get run over as well as all our stuff being stolen. Fab!

I find this absolutely infuriating. He doesn’t take it seriously, says he will lock it next time and promises to lock it as soon as he gets in, but 6 chances later and he still leaves it unlocked and now I obviously don’t trust him.

I’ve taken his house keys and our car key from him and said I’ll have to let him in and out of the house like a child. I don’t trust him with the car key because how can I know he’s locking the car if he can’t even lock the house door? I’ve told him he has to get a bus to work now. Too harsh? AIBU?

How do I make him lock the fking door!?!? I don’t want to have to babysit the keys but what choice do I have? I looked at getting an auto lock as a secondary lock but it’s a upvc door so I’m unsure you can even get it for that type, and frankly why should I have to spend money on that when as an adult DH should just be able to lock the door normally? ARGH! Angry

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 17/12/2019 19:20

If OP had the keys taken off her because she kept not locking the door, I would be telling her to grow up and lock it, not LTB.
This is almost the opposite of the thread the other week where that OP's partner would never remember or take his keys out with him so OP had to stop what she was doing or even come back from wherever she was to let him in. I forget how that one ended!

Tinkobell · 17/12/2019 19:23

Not a hard problem to fix OP. You just need to have a sprung loaded closer fitted on the inside which will automatically push the door shut, along with a catch lock. It's the same mechanism installed on fire doors. The problem will cost you less than £100 to sort.
Signs are useless, people zone them out after a couple of days.

sunshine11 · 17/12/2019 19:27

My OH was like this until we got burgled - luckily only our shed (his bikes nicked) but he is now super conscious about locking up.

Rather than make it a 'you against him' issue can you change something so it helps/facilitates him? I know it's probably super annoying but it sounds like he's just forgetting (men's brains work differently to women's). Imagine if someone kept getting cross at you for forgetting - you wouldn't feel good about yourself and you'd feel cross at the person getting cross at you. Can you get a yale lock that locks automatically? And in the meantime put up a huge sign?

CrazyToast · 17/12/2019 19:28

Oh wow, where do you all you people live? I have had friends in Manchester be robbed while they were in the house, people just walked in. I live in a small village in the countryside and it happens here too. And as for dogs opening the door--erm yes, they can jump repeatedly at the handle til it opens, just youtube it. OP you arent unreasonable at all. YOu aren't controlling or abusive , you're trying to protect your house and self. Your DH is putting you , your dogs and your house at risk and that is very inconsiderate, not to mention stupid cos he has a vested interest in all those things. If he won't listen, I'd get a yale lock like others have said. But I'd respect him less.

bigmummydragon · 17/12/2019 19:45

6 times in a few weeks is really not that often! Plus he’s inside the house. Yes he should lock the door cos x,y and z might well happen but you need to chill out and give the guy a break. Just stick a note on the inside of the door - problem solved. Massive overreaction and very dodgy behaviour towards your DH! YABU!

Original poster
Saitama · 17/12/2019 20:03

I’m glad some people see where I’m coming from regarding ‘confiscating’ his keys. I gave them back to him now anyway and only kept them for one evening since I was so angry.

When he leaves to go to work/comes back from work/comes back from the shop or anything really is when he forgets to lock the door. Sometimes I’m home, sometimes I’m not (we both work weird shifts).

I’ve come home before from work at 8 in the morning and the door has just been left unlocked, so he’s left it like that all night while I was at work.

We’re renting and so any change/addition to the locks will have to go through the landlord, and we’re obviously going to have to pay for it ourselves. Finances aren’t great and why should I have to pay for extra locks anyway when DH could just lock the door normally instead?

DH says he understands where I’m coming from and promises to lock it next time but 6 chances later and here we are Hmm we don’t live in a terrible area but it’s not great either. The house is on a very very busy main road so lots of passers by who could quickly try their luck with a door handle, especially with it being so dark so early now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Saitama · 17/12/2019 20:11

Also regarding the car, it’s mine and is on finance. Bad credit score so the interest is extortionate. Paying almost double what the car alone is worth because of the interest. So if he does leave it unlocked and it gets damaged or stolen then I’m well and truly fucked.

If he can’t lock a house door how can I trust him to lock the car? A lock is a lock.

The house tenancy is also under my name and my family member is a guarantor. So if the house is broken into it’s me who’s fucked for that too. DH leaving everything unlocked comes back to bite me in the arse, not him!!! Which is why I’m so mad about it, as well as putting the dogs (which he adores) at risk who could run out into the main road via unlocked door and go splat Angry

OP posts:
DrivingMsCrazy · 17/12/2019 20:16

@DinoSn0re so is your DH still leaving things unlocked even AFTER being attacked?! Shock goodness you would think he'd be more security minded now!!

sandragreen · 17/12/2019 20:21

YANBU He sounds like a total idiot.

You will have to get a yale lock fitted or LTB Grin

Original poster
Saitama · 17/12/2019 20:24

Sorry I’m just reading the full thread so my replies are a bit all over the place! I will look at getting an auto lock for peace of mind

Also my dogs are big. They aren’t usually near the front door unless going out of it for a walk, but they know that the door = walk. They would 100% jump at it or even nudge with their nose and likely catch the handle if they were excited/bored and wanting to go out, so if it’s unlocked it can open so easily by accident

The back door has an auto lock yale lock thing as well as a main lock, thank god. He has left that unlocked too though!!

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 17/12/2019 20:30

So ask the ll if you can swap to something that locks automatically. Too minor to not fix, yet, yes, of course you have a valid point re keeping doors locked.

purplebunny2012 · 17/12/2019 20:30

Surely if the door is shut nobody can just walk in from outside?

I think you'll find this is the case with most front doors.
TBF, I didn't even realise there were doors you had to lock behind you until we changed our front door from a Yale locked one, and my DH had to drum it in me. But I never forget any more (Didn't take me too long to get used to it).
But, yes, anyone could walk in our house if we don't lock the door!

DrivingMsCrazy · 17/12/2019 20:35

@Skittlesandbeer I love it haha serves your DH right!

LollyBeebee123 · 17/12/2019 20:38

My hubby is similar (Not with car) If I don’t check doors/windows/candles etc he’d let the house burn down and or let a mad man walk right in. I do it every night, which makes me feel like I’m his mother. One night a few weeks back I was feeling unwell and went to bed early. In the morning I discovered the back door unlocked. I was furious as it’s not just us, our 3 children are here too. We live in a semi remote area, with just a few houses and we back on to woodland. It’s probably unlikely we’d have a burglar but you just never know. I don’t unfortunately have any advice as i don’t know myself. But if they act like children, then they have to expect we treat them like children. Hope they both grow up soon. Confused

Pinkerbells · 17/12/2019 21:23

If it makes you feel better, my DP never remembers to lock the door at night. He used to vape at stupid o clock and never relock the door, although generally he is good at locking it when going out (but quite often leaves the back door unlocked) on the down side, he quite often leaves the keys in the front door so delivery men or neighbours have to knock to tell us. It used to bug the hell out of me, now I just sigh and do it myself. I think in general it's a man thing! However, taking his keys off him is insane

Flamingle18 · 17/12/2019 21:29

In summer the town where I live was evacuated and there were police cordons and army everywhere yet some opportunists managed to get into the town via the canal putting their own lives at risk to see what they could take. I know this is a very different situation and the news coverage drew attention to thousands of empty homes but my point is there are opportunists everywhere, no matter where you live. They are prepared to travel and try random doors until they hit lucky.
I would be mad too and I feel your despair, I have an ex who would repeatedly forget really important things. I tried notes around the house, asking him to set reminders, asking him what would help and all sorts but despite him apologising, nothing changed and you do start feeling so frustrated and try things you wouldn't normally even think of. Flowers

bluebluezoo · 17/12/2019 21:30

(men's brains work differently to women's

No. They don’t.

They work exactly the same. Brains are brans and work via a very complicated system of nerves and chemicals. But exactly the same in both men and women.

Stop with the sexist bollocks.

judithandholofernes · 17/12/2019 23:33

@Saitama my DH is just as irresponsible. He keeps leaving our front door open, slightly ajar now that it’s winter and fully swinging open in the summer! You can see the door from the street and he’s asleep on the sofa! So many times I’ve came home and flipped the lid but it makes no difference.
Every night I have to lock up, knock off the Christmas lights, blow out candles even if he’s staying up as I don’t trust him.

It’s infuriating and such a turn off in a man

DinoSn0re · 18/12/2019 08:35

@DrivingMsCrazy he’s not as bad as he was but I have caught him asleep on the sofa with the back door unlocked a few times since, and even with the door wide open into the garden on a couple of occasions in the summer. The problem is that he always stays up a lot later than me, and he’ll go outside to vape, but then he’ll doze off on the sofa whilst watching tv and leave the back door unlocked. It definitely hasn’t taught him the lesson it should have! I’ve stuck a massive sign up on the door now reminding him to lock it EVERY single time, I’ve not found it unlocked since then. It does make me absolutely furious though, he’s putting everyone at risk and if he wasn’t such a great DH and dad in every other way, I’d seriously tell him to live elsewhere!

DinoSn0re · 18/12/2019 08:42

Also, please don’t assume that people looking to rob you will be deterred by a high fence/locked gate. When it happened to us, the bloke had climbed over our seven foot fence, and cut the massive lock on the back gate and opened it in preparation for legging it with our stuff.

InABigCountry · 18/12/2019 11:02

My husband is the opposite after being in the police- our doors are always locked. One evening we were all in the house- lights on, cars on driveways, TV on etc- someone tried to get in our door, luckily couldn't get in as it was locked. Ran off by the time we unlocked the door.

SunshineAngel · 18/12/2019 11:14

DSS kept doing this last year, as he left the house after us, and would often (more often than not, in fact) leave it unlocked. The consequence to that was that he had to get up at 5.30 and go to work with my partner, from where he could get the bus at 8.00 to school.

A few weeks of having to do this and he soon stopped - as he only had to get up at 8 where we live if he was walking!!

However, this is a child. I don't think it's appropriate to punish your husband..

Nifflernancy · 18/12/2019 11:43

So what has HE said he will do to make sure he remembers? You shouldn’t have to keep remaining him or suggesting ways to remember!! He should be coming up with ideas, whatever it takes to help him. Though I’d guess he’s not bothering with that, he’s just saying “oh yeah sorry I’ll remember next time” without taking any responsibility?

monstiebags · 18/12/2019 12:15

get a normal door lock that locks when it shuts. What kind of front door is not automatically locked when shut?

yellowallpaper · 18/12/2019 12:19

yANBU at all. This would drive me mad. You need to find a way of the door auto locking or a visible reminder because as soon as he gets the keys back, it will happen again.