DU never locks the bloody door

[Saitama]

Title really, we moved to a new house recently and DH so far 6 times (not that I’m counting... ) has left the front door unlocked. We live on a main road so the front door is easily accessible. We also have dogs so if they jumped at or knocked the door handle it could open, they could escape and get run over as well as all our stuff being stolen. Fab!

I find this absolutely infuriating. He doesn’t take it seriously, says he will lock it next time and promises to lock it as soon as he gets in, but 6 chances later and he still leaves it unlocked and now I obviously don’t trust him.

I’ve taken his house keys and our car key from him and said I’ll have to let him in and out of the house like a child. I don’t trust him with the car key because how can I know he’s locking the car if he can’t even lock the house door? I’ve told him he has to get a bus to work now. Too harsh? AIBU?

How do I make him lock the fking door!?!? I don’t want to have to babysit the keys but what choice do I have? I looked at getting an auto lock as a secondary lock but it’s a upvc door so I’m unsure you can even get it for that type, and frankly why should I have to spend money on that when as an adult DH should just be able to lock the door normally? ARGH!

[StreetwiseHercules]

What’s your obsession with locking doors? Sounds like he has much more to fear inside his home than outside it. Maybe he is leaving the door unlocked so that he feels safer.

It’s a bit mad that you are counting incidents and dictating that he must lock the door. Then going nuts and taking keys away?

Scary.

[666onmyhead]

Just buy a lock that locks when you close the door ?!

[Rezie]

Is the problem that he doesn't lock the for or his dismissive attitude towards your safety concerns? If it's locking the door then you together find a solution on the type of door that will help him (I cannot understand how one forgets to lock the door). Maybe a door that you push to lock, electric lock, code etc.? If he is dismissive of your concerns then that's harder to fix.

[IdiotInDisguise]

Change the locks, if he is so random at locking the door you are going to be worried all the time. Some people never learn.

Besides, living in a main road with a door than can be left accidentally open is dangerous, the dogs can certainly escape and being run over and it is far more common than people think for burglars to check doors randomly to get in. I found a man in the hallway once, he got in in the few seconds it took to put the pushchair out of the way to get back to the door to lock it.

I have also seen yobs checking door by door until they found one unlocked and they just got in, even when there were plenty of witnesses walking by the street. There is normally a look out in case the police comes but they don’t give a shit about neighbours or passers noticing they have broken into a property.

I live in a very expensive area but it seems that all of us have had someone getting in the house while sleeping, at the garden, or even just after we came in, over the years.

[mathanxiety]

www.locksonline.co.uk/GU-Automatic-Locking-Multipoint-Door-Lock.html

I believe you can get an auto lock for a uPVC door.

Spend the money. It's cheaper than getting burgled or divorced.

[Tiredmumssquad]

Give him a fright.. sneak out and if the car is unlocked move it using the spare key and act like you dont know where it is

[SavoyCabbage]

I would hate this too. You need to feel safe in your own home. For me, it’s not about being burgled it’s about being raped or murdered. I know it’s not that likely but I just don’t want to be.

Our next door neighbours recently left their patio door unlocked and their house was completely gutted while they were out. They took everything from their car to their clothes. They took their child’s school bag, their iron and the contents of their fridge. And they haven’t got any insurance money as the door wasn’t locked.

[BeyondMyWits]

Must depend where you live.

We lock up at bedtime or when we go out. Would not be a big issue here, whereas taking someone's keys away seems abusive and controlling.

[DukeChatsworth]

Our UPVC door self locks as soon as you shut it. From inside it then just opens with the handle but from outside you need a key to then open it.

Works just like a Yale. When we got it installed the company tried to talk us out of it saying we could get locked out. True but same with a Yale and only done it once in 20 years.

[Libertylee]

Very very controlling....could you use Alexa to give a timed reminder to lock the door?

[Mlou32]

@Dogno1 not all cars lock when you step away from them, I have a 4 year old Audi a3 and it doesn't lock when you leave it..

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Maybe warn him that if someone comes to the door and the dogs start up and accidentally open the door and then bite whoever it is, that he could be prosecuted and the dogs destroyed?

Maybe he cares more about the dogs...

[CherryPavlova]

I think you’re being unreasonable and a bit neurotic. Have the dogs ever jumped up? Has a stranger ever walked in?
Change the locks to one that locks automatically but be a bit nicer to him. He’s entitled to think differently about how risky it is.

We rarely lock our doors and never if we’re in.

[TreeSwayer]

I haven't read the whole thread but we used to have a UPVC door with a pad handle on the outside. It means you cannot open the door from the outside without a key as there is no handle to push down just a knob to help you pull it closed.

Inside, it is a normal handle that you can pull down to open the door.

If you are thinking of changing it to this then I would suggest a key safe just in case you ever lock yourselves out, or a trustworthy neighbour.

www.handlestore.com/blog/upvc-pad-door-handles-faqs/

[Sandaled]

Having had our house burgled at university when my housemate kept 'forgetting' to lock the door (not bloody hard is it), this would get to me as well. Your insurance would be invalidated, plus if you were in at the time it's terrifying. It is a bit far to take his keys off of him, but he also needs to grow up and take some responsibility, it's not a big ask for a grown man to remember to lock the door, is it.

[Dogno1]

I apologise for derailing OP's thread with the auto lock comment 😳 Our last 2 cars have come with the feature (as has Dcs), non of which are 'high end', at the age/price we've bought them (so definately not 'fancy pants' MN car shaming 🙄).

[Sagradafamiliar]

The roles aren't reversed. Role reversal doesn't give the equivalent anyway.

OP I would feel incredible annoyed, too. You've been told you're treating him like a child and then being given more advice which would treat him like a child further. Personally I'd find a man who is incapable of adulting extremely unattractive. He needs to be more responsible.

I don't live in the worst area but leaving a door unlocked is dangerous. People do go around 'trying' doors. To the PP who thinks you should move somewhere posher: get a grip and don't be naïve. The best areas round here attract chancers as well.

You should feel safe in your own home, OP.

[Sagradafamiliar]

Incredibly* (although I do feel incredible sometimes too )

[LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook]

I hate it when DH locks the door and I'm in the house. Our front door has to be opened with a key, what is there's a fire and I'm scrabbling around trying to find one? If I'm in it's unlocked if I'm out of course I lock it. I've never heard of a dog opening a front door. If DH tried to take my keys away and made me bus to work I'd tell him to fuck off and would seriously be considering LTB.

[Jog22]

How old is your car that it doesn't automatically central lock when you step away from it?

[LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook]

Oh and I work in the justice system so I'm aware of risk assessment, most burglars don't want to come across people. Funny that.

[MerryGrinchmas1]

My DH did this in the last house we were in and a known burglar just opened the door, walked in and helped themselves to the contents of our living room. We didn't notice until a day or two later as there were no signs or break in and we noticed that a few things were missing as we went to use them.

They did get caught but that's besides the point.

We have one of them handles that has to be unlocked from the outside now to stop that. But as you say, if your dog's can open from the inside then that's no good.

I won't sleep now unless I know the door is locked.

Could you look into getting a door with a Yale lock on instead that you need a key to open? The type that a dog couldn't open?

[ChikiTIKI]

My husband does this but after we got burgled it's just the oven being left on all the time. He is a lot better now though because while he is forgetful, he is reasonable. .. So apologied each time I pointed it out. I also stopped turning off the oven for him. So I would check it every time we sat down do eat and he would then have to get up and go and turn it off. He still does it a lot but not nearly as much as before. I suppose it depends if your husband actually cares about the mistake he makes. If he doesn't jump up and lock the door when you point it out, you will never be able to help him change his habits- he doesn't want to.

[Sandaled]

You can get a key holder for just above the lock, or leave the key in the lock if you are both indoors; guessing you lock the door at night anyway, so it would be useful.

I can't believe some people are saying move somewhere posher, in lieu of an adult remembering a simple task. If there is an issue which means it is tricky for him to remember, then take appropriate action ie change the lock out for a yale.

[Northernsoullover]

Its already been said but get an autolock. You can change it yourself. Gloat inwardly when he rings you to say he's locked out.