Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DU never locks the bloody door

265 replies

Saitama · 16/12/2019 01:27

Title really, we moved to a new house recently and DH so far 6 times (not that I’m counting... Hmm ) has left the front door unlocked. We live on a main road so the front door is easily accessible. We also have dogs so if they jumped at or knocked the door handle it could open, they could escape and get run over as well as all our stuff being stolen. Fab!

I find this absolutely infuriating. He doesn’t take it seriously, says he will lock it next time and promises to lock it as soon as he gets in, but 6 chances later and he still leaves it unlocked and now I obviously don’t trust him.

I’ve taken his house keys and our car key from him and said I’ll have to let him in and out of the house like a child. I don’t trust him with the car key because how can I know he’s locking the car if he can’t even lock the house door? I’ve told him he has to get a bus to work now. Too harsh? AIBU?

How do I make him lock the fking door!?!? I don’t want to have to babysit the keys but what choice do I have? I looked at getting an auto lock as a secondary lock but it’s a upvc door so I’m unsure you can even get it for that type, and frankly why should I have to spend money on that when as an adult DH should just be able to lock the door normally? ARGH! Angry

OP posts:
lowlandLucky · 16/12/2019 09:04

What age is this man/child ? He needs a reality check

isabellerossignol · 16/12/2019 09:06

A front door that doesn't automatically lock is very normal. When I think of all the houses I am in regularly I can't think of anyone who has a door that locks automatically. I lived in a house that had an old fashioned Yale lock when I was a student and someone walking down the street was able to break the lock open with one kick, just for the laugh Hmm, so I definitely wouldn't feel safer with one of those.

CobaltLoafer · 16/12/2019 09:07

For all of you that don’t lock your doors when you are in...every summer in my mum’s village there are a spate of opportunistic break ins, where burglars try doors and if they find them unlocked will walk in and take car keys, and anything else valuable, taking your car when they leave. My mum’s neighbour lost her car and lots of irreplaceable jewellery while she was in the garden.

Others have had people walk in intending to steal, then finding people at home.

The local police send warnings every year to the whole county. Some of you are very lucky if you are so convinced no one would come in...

BackBoiler · 16/12/2019 09:08

He isnt immature he is distracted. Then again I'm a bloody nightmare for it!

gamerchick · 16/12/2019 09:08

Our front door is UPVC. When you close the door, it is locked from outside, though still can be opened from the inside without a key. I'd go and ask advice from a locksmith

Yeah one of those. ^^

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/12/2019 09:13

I’ve taken his house keys and our car key from him and said I’ll have to let him in and out of the house like a child

Wow. If someone treated me like this, I'd be out of the door (locked or unlocked). So patronising.

Just change the damn lock to one that locks automatically.

woodchuck99 · 16/12/2019 09:17

I never understand why some people don't have automatic locks. Just get one rather and stressing and arguing over it. Yes, it is possible to kick the door in but not without making a racket.

Dogno1 · 16/12/2019 09:18

Definately do look into installing a flip lock (no idea on technical term). We had one added to our composite door, and it does feel safer. Plus in the summer I can leave the door propped open an inch for airflow, but unless someone physically kicks the door off the hinges, they can't get in. Even though we don't live in a mansion with bodyguards whilst swanking about in our auto locking Renault megane 🙄

PixieDustt · 16/12/2019 09:21

Most men don’t understand the fear that women experience every single day. That low level awareness you have to always have turned on when you are not behind a locked door

Where do you get this from? That's not a fact that your opinion and it's untrue.

OP, you're controlling.
If you're at home just lock the door yourself

FacesLookUgly · 16/12/2019 09:28

That's not a fact that your opinion and it's untrue.

Of course it's the poster's opinion this is an opinion board. FWIW I understand what she (?) was trying to say.

I am about as far from a frail wallflower as it's possible to be. I lived alone, with no neighbours for half a mile or more for several years. I too forgot to lock the doors overnight sometimes. I have travelled alone. I have lived in 2 oher countries alone (US and India). I leave doors open and walk across woods and fields in the dark with just the dog.

I can still see how much of the way society operates is designed to instill greater caution in girls than in boys. What's the saying: men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them - or something like that. Does that mean we live in a perpetual state of anxiety? I don't know, because I don't know what it's like to be anyone else. Maybe men do live their lives in a slightly more carefree way. I cannot tell. But I think it's obvious that women receive many more "be careful" types of messages than men do. Rightly or wrongly.

pooopypants · 16/12/2019 09:32

YANBU to be annoyed by this, it would drive me potty. I like to feel safe in my own home and our doors are locked unless they're open.

YABVU to treat him like a child - you even said "he a grown man, not a child". So don't act like he is one. Find some burglary stats for your area. Find the clause in your home insurance that states that they won't pay out in the case of a door being left unlocked.

ShinyGiratina · 16/12/2019 09:33

I normally lock the door all the time, but have lapses, usually if I'm in and out, think I'll be going back out, don't and forget.
My working memory is not fantastic so I struggle to remember mundane things like locking doors, so I often have to get out of the car and check when departing.

There have been a few occasions when the door had been unlocked. There's even been a couple when the front door was left physically ajar. 🙈 One of those I was on my own, the other, we were all going out together and DH and I both thought the other had closed and locked the door amongst the palaver of herding distractable children out of the house. Both of us have also been unaware that a child had not shut their door on the opposite side when we locked up.

Confiscating keys is infantalising and controlling as a response.

What is his attitude about it? Is he mortified and aware of the potential consequences or is he dismissive?

Reminders or a self-locking lock are probably the best response to an ingrained habit. Yales are not the best for security on their own, but would require more effort and risk to sneak past than an unlocked door.

billy1966 · 16/12/2019 09:41

I thought it was basic security to lock the house if I was in the house on my own.

Or if I at the top of the house, three storey, I wouldn't feel comfortable with doors being open.

I know for a fact the police recommend that you keep doors lock.

The majority of home burglaries, are opportunistic, through an unlocked door.

vassdal · 16/12/2019 09:47

How old is your car that it doesn't automatically central lock when you step away from it?
Hilarious comment. Never seen a car that does this - must be buying cars in the wrong price range/associating with people buying cheap, old cars.

Anyway.... I think YABVU to take his house key off him and make him get the bus.
However, that said, I'd be really annoyed if someone was "forgetting" not bothering to lock the door. You need an additional lock that locks automatically. You also need notices on the door to remind him.
I think it's pathetic that he can't manage to lock a door.
What happened in the old house? What sort of locks did you have there`?

happycamper11 · 16/12/2019 09:59

Seriously! Is the auto locking on cars not a thing? 😳😁

Bless!

Thingsdogetbetter · 16/12/2019 10:11

The irony of I shouldn't have to treat him like a child and put up a note while taking his keys so I will have to let him in and out like a child!

ActualHornist · 16/12/2019 10:14

YANBU about the door keys but you are about the car.

I’ve read that it takes something like repeating an action 15 times before it becomes a habit.

Buy some small post it’s and number them, put them on the edge of the door on the inside, he has to take one every time he locks the door. If you number them he can easily see if he has missed one. (Get him to do this of course!)

If he can’t reliably lock the door, he needs to own up to that fact and get a lock that will automatically lock or replace the door if it’s not possible to add a lock. There is no point getting into a slanging match about whether it matters the door is locked or not because of course it should be.

StormTreader · 16/12/2019 10:15

Anyone else wondering how many years the PP has been walking away leaving their car unlocked? Grin

BlackeyedSusan · 16/12/2019 10:45

My 04 Mazda used to lock itself after a short period of time.

Yanbu about your car.

I am less sure about front door keys.

happycamper11 · 16/12/2019 11:04

My 04 Mazda used to lock itself after a short period of time.

That could be risky - presumably an 04 Mazda wouldn't have the technology to know if the keys were still inside 😬

Skittlesandbeer · 16/12/2019 11:05

Sorry, haven’t RTFT.

Do what I did a few years ago. Same situation with my DH. No amount of logic or pleading worked. Sometimes he even managed to leave the door wide open, not just unlocked. Angry

I met the new neighbour (a few doors down) before DH did. I invited him around for a drink with us on the next Saturday afternoon. He texted me to check if he had the time right, I said come on through the front, I’m in the garden. DH hadn’t locked the door, as usual.

DH walked into the lounge to find a 6ft4 muscled guy with a shaved head standing there.

It’s possible I’d accidentally forgotten to mention the visit to DH.

We’re all good mates now, but it was enough of a shock to DH that he’s prioritised house security ever since. I think he aged 10 years in 10 seconds. It was prolly realising he had no magical Kung fu defences to protect me, the kid and himself.

He just couldn’t imagine someone coming in, until someone was actually in. So I helped him.

And I’m not sorry I did.

Skittlesandbeer · 16/12/2019 11:07

I know you can’t conjure up a new neighbour, but a tradesman could do the trick just as well?

BarbedBloom · 16/12/2019 11:13

My friend didn't lock the door and a burglar came in one day while she was upstairs, grabbed a load of stuff including her car keys and took the car right off the drive. Insurance wouldn't pay out as the door should have been locked. I have also told my own story on here before, I was alone in the house the day we moved in and a drunk man walked right in, so I turned around to find him standing in the doorway watching me. That could have ended badly. I always lock the door when I am in now.

He is a grown adult and he needs to take some responsibility. I could forgive it once or twice as we all make mistakes, but this is ridiculous. I can see why in a moment of irritation you took his keys, but it doesn't solve the problem. He needs to start having a routine that he does in the same order each day so it becomes muscle memory for those mornings where he goes into autopilot.

BrendasUmbrella · 16/12/2019 11:16

The roles are not reversed. Her DH is clearly not worried about some bloke walking in off the street. And her safety is the most important thing here. Some of you must be living in lovely areas where creeps do not try doors to see if they're open. We get that at least once a month here, waking up because someone is jiggling the door handle. There was a story in the press just weeks ago about a man who walked in through a family's unlocked door and raped the children.

diddl · 16/12/2019 11:28

"Surely if the door is shut nobody can just walk in from outside?"

How have people experienced thieves just walking in then?

Swipe left for the next trending thread