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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DU never locks the bloody door

265 replies

Saitama · 16/12/2019 01:27

Title really, we moved to a new house recently and DH so far 6 times (not that I’m counting... Hmm ) has left the front door unlocked. We live on a main road so the front door is easily accessible. We also have dogs so if they jumped at or knocked the door handle it could open, they could escape and get run over as well as all our stuff being stolen. Fab!

I find this absolutely infuriating. He doesn’t take it seriously, says he will lock it next time and promises to lock it as soon as he gets in, but 6 chances later and he still leaves it unlocked and now I obviously don’t trust him.

I’ve taken his house keys and our car key from him and said I’ll have to let him in and out of the house like a child. I don’t trust him with the car key because how can I know he’s locking the car if he can’t even lock the house door? I’ve told him he has to get a bus to work now. Too harsh? AIBU?

How do I make him lock the fking door!?!? I don’t want to have to babysit the keys but what choice do I have? I looked at getting an auto lock as a secondary lock but it’s a upvc door so I’m unsure you can even get it for that type, and frankly why should I have to spend money on that when as an adult DH should just be able to lock the door normally? ARGH! Angry

OP posts:
Dogno1 · 16/12/2019 07:44

Seriously! Is the auto locking on cars not a thing? 😳😁

billy1966 · 16/12/2019 07:48

As the car is yours I think it's fine if you don't wish to loan him the use of it and have a key. Your car, your choice.

I wouldn't take his house key from him.

I think he is being very silly and lax not locking the door.
Prat.
I think security is important so I would either get a new lock or check it myself.
Infact, now you know you can't depend on h I would be checking the door myself.

He's a prat not to take it seriously.

mathanxiety · 16/12/2019 07:48

LionelRitchie, why not leave the key in the lock?

I agree with Sagradafamiliar that role reversal doesn't yield an equivalent in risk or perception of risk. A woman is an easier target than a man even in her own home. He is not entitled to think differently about how risky it is. It's blatant disregard for his wife's safety and for her peace of mind and complete stonewalling of her perceptions to be so blithe about locking the door. He is not the one most at risk from any intruder. The OP lives with the knowledge of much more danger to her as a woman.

hazell42 · 16/12/2019 07:50

Why are you locking the door when you are in the house?
Is this at night, or during the day?
I've always thought locking yourself in was weird, and I think it increases anxiety and paranoia (as evidenced in PPs above)
I'd rather be able to get out in the event of a fire, than worry about the (fairly remote) possibility that someone might try to get in when I am at home.
Locking the doors when you go out is sensible. Barricading yourself inside your own home is OTT.
Learn to relax.

Sleepforever · 16/12/2019 07:52

Dogno If only we could all life your charmed life.... As well as all the other posters mentioning new cars that don't do this, there are many of us who can't afford cars under 10 years old. Have a look as you drive round in your wonderful superior car how many people are driving something 09 plate or older.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 16/12/2019 07:54

dogno I stand by my original comment! Your subsequent posts have affirmed it.

VisionQuest · 16/12/2019 07:54

Mine has done this a few times. Once he even left his keys hanging in the lock on the outside of the door! Thankfully a nice person knocked at 6am as they were passing the door to tell me.

I also got the whole 'you don't trust me speech'

Anyway I stuck a post it note to the inside of the door. He moaned that it was patronising but I really don't care.

I still regularly check the door after he's come home, especially if it's late.

MrsBobBlackadder · 16/12/2019 07:59

For me this is less about the fact he's not locked the door, and more about the fact that op has asked (presumably nicely at first) him to do something for her. The fact that he then cant be arsed to do that entirely reasonable thing for her (including setting his own reminder if he's that forgetful) is rubbish.

Op, I feel your pain. I have a DH who is infuriatingly similar. I once asked him if he was this 'forgetful' at work. He replied that that was different because he gets paid there Xmas Hmm

HollyHocks13 · 16/12/2019 07:59

Hang on - are we talking about locking the door when you're actually in the house? I've never done this - should I be? Ours get locked at night or when we go out. I'd be worrying about escaping if there was a fire and having to faff around with keys...

diddl · 16/12/2019 08:01

If you don't lock your door, can someone just walk in?

If so, why wouldn't you lock it?

Barnseyboyo · 16/12/2019 08:02

You’re controlling and abusive

ringletsandtwiglets · 16/12/2019 08:02

I came downstairs this morning to a distinctly chilly living room, only to find that Mr Twiglets had left the back door wide open! Only last week, he also left the front door open an inch, so literally anyone could have come in and taken my car keys/ our tech stuff. We have a Yale lock, so there's no excuse! About 6 times over the four years we've lived here, he's left his front door key in the outside lock too.

We're very lucky that no-one has taken advantage of his stupidity. Our street is fairly quiet, so that helps. But I have no suggestions aside from the bright orange post-it note next to the light switch by the door.

lyingwanker · 16/12/2019 08:02

I don't want to be a drama queen but there's been several news stories in my county of people armed with machetes letting themselves into peoples houses in the middle of the day and robbing them.

I used to have the same attitude "aah I only need to lock it at night" but when the quite nice street next to my hairdressers was robbed with machetes and knives I'm so much more careful now!

WhoWants2Know · 16/12/2019 08:04

Punishing someone for unintentionally forgetful behaviour is very unkind.

"Why should I have to remind him?"

Well... do you love him? Are you part of a team that's supposed to be mutually supportive of one another? If you're struggling with something, would you prefer that someone help you or make you feel shit about it?

Lllot5 · 16/12/2019 08:05

Surely if the door is shut nobody can just walk in from outside?
Lock it when you go out or at night.
I don’t lock myself in during the day.

gamerchick · 16/12/2019 08:06

You can get a type of handle that auto locks, I didn't think it was possible on a upvc door until I accidentally locked my friend out of her house.

Tbh I would take his key as well. I wouldn't take his car key though.

Hillaria · 16/12/2019 08:07

Most men don’t understand the fear that women experience every single day. That low level awareness you have to always have turned on when you are not behind a locked door

I am a woman and absolutely don't feel like this. Nor do I keep my door locked when I'm at home (live on a main road). Being female does not equate to being in a state of perpetual awareness/anxiety.

If I had a dog that could possibly escape, though, and had a DH who didn't share my concerns, I would get a Yale lock (and would then probably lock myself out on a regular basis). I'd do the same if I had small children.

BlaueLagune · 16/12/2019 08:08

Seriously! Is the auto locking on cars not a thing

I've never even heard of it. I've had cars with central locking for many years, probably about 20, but I didn't know that there cars you didn't need to lock (I'd find it pretty annoying actually, I'd rather decide when I want the car locked).

OP is this the only thing your DH forgets to do?

I agree with pp's - change the lock to one that locks automatically so you can open from the inside but need a key from the outside.

Dogno1 · 16/12/2019 08:09

Yes, yes my 7yr old, 3k car has confirmed I'm a dickhead because my car comes with 'auto locking'. I often get the newspapers hounding me regarding my 'charmed champagne lifestyle' 😂

Biancadelrioisback · 16/12/2019 08:16

Sorry Dogno, im another one with a 1yr old car without autolocking!
Although, my previous two cars (which I had for a year each) I got the autolocking feature thrown in as an upgrade. So it's not offered as standard for most

Biancadelrioisback · 16/12/2019 08:18

OP, sorry I think I've not understood properly. Is it that he leaves the house unlocked when you're both out, or when you're in and he's out, or when you're both in?
We never lock the door if we are both in the house

StCharlotte · 16/12/2019 08:18

No cat keys obviously

Cats don't need keys. Ours could jump up an open our old front door.

As you were.

JoyceJames · 16/12/2019 08:20

My 7 year old car does not lock when I walk away from it.
I would never treat my DH like a 13 year old. I would sit him down for a really serious talk. Apart from anything else, he knows it really worries you, so why is he so thoughtless?

Horsepants · 16/12/2019 08:21

hazell42 agree with your comment. My dh locks the door (handle upvc door shuts anyway) OP-I have the opposite prob. I feel trapped and I hate it.

81Byerley · 16/12/2019 08:23

Our front door is UPVC. When you close the door, it is locked from outside, though still can be opened from the inside without a key. I'd go and ask advice from a locksmith.