If this was the response you heard in the background on the phone, how would you feel?

[Alrighteo]

Context: Relates to two family members.

Have been trying to get through to one family member unsuccessfully for about a week now (emails & whatsapp calls/messages). Nothing answered.

So I rang another family member, who I knew was in the company of the one I was trying to get through to. The second one who answered the phone said, 'she's busy now, she's cooking dinner' and I said 'it's literally 2 seconds to clarify something.

Second family member says to the elusive one 'Can you spare two seconds?'. First family member says 'FFS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER NOW?'.

For various reasons I can't eliminate contact with first family member. So what would you do, what would you think? My brother has recommended a book to me (though he has a different experience/relationship with first family member).

How do I deal with someone who is an utterly manipulative, bullying cunt and maintain my sanity?

As an analogy, think ex husband, and you're ringing about an issue with the children, you get through to his sister and that's what you hear in the background...........

I would stop trying to contact that person

depends. what was it you wanted to ask?

I think you're being too vague to offer any advice.

I would think you are massively harassing them and you should stop contacting them x

I think you need to be less evasive with the details to make an appropriate judgement

Why can't you tell us who said what. How outing can it be on a site with millions of members?

Depends how important what you want to know actually is. Are you pestering her over something trivial or is it really important? People have busy lives, people don't want to be at the mercy of others at the end of a phone. Yes its rude to ignore you, but if its something like 'what colour paint did you use in your bathroom?' it really isnt important and clearly isn't a priority to her.

Just walk away.

I would think you are massively harassing them and you should stop contacting them

This is what I wondered. You say you've been calling/texting/emailing all week with no response, then contacting them through someone else. That seems like you're harassing them.

But without the back story it's impossible to say.

I am sending various parcels to first person's address for Christmas for other relatives as I live in a different country. The reason I was calling is that one parcel was addressed differently (slight nuance in the name), as it was their own actual Chrismas present. I emailed explaining all this, but never received a response to acknowledge receipt. So as the parcel for this individual will arrive this week, I was just trying to confirm that they knew not to open a certain parcel until Christmas day as it is their present. Literally 30 seconds. Or 10 seconds to have responded to my email to confirm receipt.

I fucking hope they choke on it.

What they said. Also, what has your brother recommending you a book got to do with it?

I would be hurt on the basis no rejection is nice but they obviously don't like and don't want to speak with you OP, if you have a low opinion of them why does this matter? If this person wanted to speak with you they could, you seem to have contacted them fairly excessively so it isn't as though they have missed those points of contact, they are choosing to ignore them- that's their right.

Your OP is too vague for anyone here to say who is right or wrong, it surely depends on why you need to speak to them urgently or why they won't speak to you or why you 'can't' go NC. Are children involved?

I'm not sure a book is going to solve this, look into a relationship centred therapist perhaps?

Why are you even bothering to send a present to that person? Sounds like way too much unnecessary stress to me

Haha, harassing? Gosh, if only I could tell the full story. Unfortunately it is very very outing as a lot of my family are on here.

To be honest if you've messaged her and told her not to open it I think you should have just left it there.

Perhaps the relative is a bit fed up having to be postman and sort all your gifts for the others in the family for you?

I would have to know a lot more of the background to make a comment. It could be anything from you've been constantly nagging her for month about totally crazy things, to she is a dishonest bully who is criminally withholding important information from you. Unless it's about something really crucial, I'd just avoid trying to contact her for the future; sounds as though each of you finds the other one annoying.

Ok, first person is my mother, second person is my dd who lives with her.

I'm stop sending gifts to someone who talked about you like that

Send them a text saying not to open parcel etc. They clearly don’t want to speak to you. I’d not be sending them anything again and keeping contact to a minimum so it’s only really important things I contact them about.

Does this family member maybe not want all of these parcels going to their address?

Sorry op but that does sound a bit trivial, rude of the person to completely ignore you but I don't really know why you're even sending a present to this person when you don't like each other.

All those calls, texts & emails etc over a present you've already said on email is for them, not another relative, (like the others they've received, to pass on) ? That's too much. I'd feel needlessly pestered. You've explained it's theirs , there's no need for any further communication til she opens it & emails/texts/calls to say thank you .

Look at it from her point of view. You emailed her, messaged her and watsapped her then rang your daughter while your mum was busy cooking dinner and insisted on talking to her.

Rightly or wrongly, that would annoy me too. It was enough that you emailed her and told her not to open it. There was no need for anything else.

You need to back off. I'm so sorry because it sounds like you want a different kind of relationship with your mother than she does, and that really hurts

How many parcels and what do they have to do? Stay in and await delivery individually, find storage for the parcels until collected? Deliver to the recipients?

TBH, if I could never have to speak to my mother in this live or for eternity, it wouldn't be long enough.
However, as my dd lives with her, I have to engage with her (which she refuses to do).
She was and remains an abusive bitch and she is seriously jeopardising my mental health.
Unfortunately, I have no other way of sending Christmas presents to dd, unless through her (as to get them sent to me and then send them separately to dd would cost a fortune and I just don't have the money).