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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite and the mindfield.

202 replies

FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 22:57

Was hoping to create a poll.

Not giving any specifics as want to keep it vague.

Ultimately, my question is would you attend this wedding as C?

3 siblings. Sibling A getting married. Siblings B and C not married, both in relationships, neither live with their partners yet, neither relationship very long yet but both see futures/longevity. Sibling B has a history of shortish relationships. Sibling C has had 1 very long relationship previously. Sibling A has met both partners once due to logistics of life/distance. Sibling B's partner gets invited to the wedding. Sibling C told no +1. If you were sibling C, would you go or see it as a snub?

OP posts:
SuperSange · 20/11/2019 23:03

Yes, I would.

Whoops75 · 20/11/2019 23:04

Yes I would

user1473878824 · 20/11/2019 23:06

What is it with plus ones and weddings tonight? Plus ones at weddings aren’t really a thing. Even for siblings. Did you offer to pay for your plus one’s meal and drinks?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 20/11/2019 23:07

It depends. Does A have a problem with C, or C’s partner?

ThisIsReworked · 20/11/2019 23:08

Yup.

lyralalala · 20/11/2019 23:09

I think even the most reasonable person would see that as a snub.

Either invite both partners that you’ve only met once or invite neither

Is C in the bridal party? Is it anything to do with their partner being on their own most of the day or anything like that?

ActualHornist · 20/11/2019 23:10

I would see it as a snub and I would ask why I wasn't allowed a +1 let alone take my boyfriend.

LL83 · 20/11/2019 23:11

If I was C I would go. I would be irritated but not want to miss my sisters wedding over it. Have you asked why c's partner is not invited? Perhaps there is some special reason b partner is invited? (Driving an elderly relative? B has some anxiety issue and wants his help? A knows b is too clingy to come alone? A was drunk and agreed to plus 1?)

If I was A I would have treated both sibling the same (unless I knew one partner well and not the other)

Inebriati · 20/11/2019 23:11

That's a snub unless money is so tight the buffet is bring your own food and drink.
I wouldn't feel under any obligation to either go or take an expensive gift.

BikeRunSki · 20/11/2019 23:12

I would go to a sibling’s wedding if I was invited.

I though plus 1s were really to keep you company if you don’t know any other guests? That won’t be the case at a siblings wedding. I wouldn’t be petty about if my other sibling had a plus 1 invitation.

Amonk3ysbutler · 20/11/2019 23:14

Maybe, maybe not. Could it be possible that they have only said yes to B having a plus 1 because they dont see the relationship lasting? With their relationship history? Maybe they are hoping to not have to pay for either B's or C"s plus ones in the long run?

Bluerussian · 20/11/2019 23:17

Yes it is a snub.

Smelborp · 20/11/2019 23:18

I’d go but want to know why there was a difference.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/11/2019 23:19

You have to ask why, surely?

Or if you’re A or B offer C an explanation.

It’s our secrets which keep us sick, etc etc

Beveren · 20/11/2019 23:21

Minefield.

dontcallmeduck · 20/11/2019 23:25

Sibling C seems to be a little unsure of the longevity of sibling B’s relationship.

How long have B and C been in relationships?

Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 23:25

"Minefield" thanks for your valuable contribution.

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 23:26

Reason C doesn't have a plus 1 is numbers.

No further reasons for B having a +1 and C not.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 20/11/2019 23:28

Of course I'd go.
Sister or brother is getting married. I'd go.

However, I'd also ask how come the one partner is invited and the other not, when the couple don't really know either partner and the 'stage' of the relationships seem (from what you describe) to be similar

ActualHornist · 20/11/2019 23:28

That is not a reason. That's the reason your cousin doesn't have a +1 or you forgoe the steak and have the cheaper chicken. Or if the wedding is tiny, then neither sib has a +1.

I would be very upset if I were C.

UNLESS - C is 18 or something and B is 27. That puts a bit of a different spin on things. But obviously you're determined to be vague.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 20/11/2019 23:29

Yes to both questions - I don't think A is behaving well on the information given here and yes I would see it as a snub, but not attending is a huge statement that I wouldn't make unless there was a much longer history of hostility not mentioned here, so on the facts here yes I would go.

Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 23:30

"But obviously you're determined to be vague."

Given threads get taken, yes I am. And I'm staying vague. Further facts aren't actually necessary.

OP posts:
MoseShrute · 20/11/2019 23:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 23:31

Thanks for all the replies btw. It does help to read perspectives from people not involved.

OP posts:
ParadeMeeting · 20/11/2019 23:32

I'd of course go bc it's my siblings. But I would ask why B got to bring their partner but I wasn't able to. Could @actualhornist be right in terms of ages? Could that explain it?