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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite and the mindfield.

202 replies

FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 22:57

Was hoping to create a poll.

Not giving any specifics as want to keep it vague.

Ultimately, my question is would you attend this wedding as C?

3 siblings. Sibling A getting married. Siblings B and C not married, both in relationships, neither live with their partners yet, neither relationship very long yet but both see futures/longevity. Sibling B has a history of shortish relationships. Sibling C has had 1 very long relationship previously. Sibling A has met both partners once due to logistics of life/distance. Sibling B's partner gets invited to the wedding. Sibling C told no +1. If you were sibling C, would you go or see it as a snub?

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 23/11/2019 12:37

Thanks @THSL, good to read it from someone else who has been in the same situation.

No one was close with my ex partner. Nothing bad or against him but no close relationship.

My partner doesn't mind but he's very laid back about stuff. Me, I have a long memory and I don't forget things.

Once I have the conversation with A, it will make my decision easier as they'll either be 'oh well, that's how it is, our choice' or they could take it badly and decide if I feel that way then to not bother. I honestly don't know which it will be.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 23/11/2019 13:34

OP, I wouldn't be drawn into any argument about this.

I definitely think you have to query it.

You can of course point out that you are very disappointed by it.

Just be so calm.

It is very rude and disrespectful of you.

namechangetheworld · 23/11/2019 13:54

Sounds like they don't like your BF, for whatever reason.

Rise above it OP.

SureTry · 23/11/2019 14:44

I find this really sad as regardless of the outcome, it will change your relationship with your sibling forever and it all just seems unnecessary. Sibling A should have made allowances for +1 or none at all.

Hadalifeonce · 23/11/2019 15:20

In this situation, I would accept the invitation, go with DP to the ceremony, then disappear.

Goldenchildsmum · 23/11/2019 15:22

It's definitely a snub but I'd go. She's your sister.

monkeymonkey2010 · 23/11/2019 17:51

Reason C doesn't have a plus 1 is numbers
Adding ONE person is to much trouble/cost?!
If that were true then you just don't invite B's +1 either - keeps it fair.

However, i don't think numbers abd money are the issue here.
This sounds to me more like sibling rivalry/jealousies/drama being played out.
I think she's having a dig at you personally over something, excluding only YOUR partner is her way of hitting you where it hurts knowing that you will be in a position where you can't do right for doing wrong.

I wouldn't go.

loseyourself · 24/11/2019 00:05

@Winterwoollies I just came here to say that, without shaming anyone, ‘invite’ is a verb and ‘invitation’ is a noun. Therefore it should always be ‘wedding invitation’. Not ‘wedding invite’. A small point but an important one none-the-less. As you were

I have had a bleak evening and this made me laugh. Thank you, genuinely, no sarcasm involved!

PeachyPeachTrees · 25/11/2019 21:28

There are always a few invited that can't come, so A should have invited +1 for B and C. If it was a tiny wedding, then no +1 for either. So simple. I would be upset too. It's clearly not an oversight, it's a snub.
I would still go though, as you're sisters.

DeathStare · 25/11/2019 23:43

There would have been no reason for them to dislike DP at all. He's generally liked by everyone, a very engaging person

Sorry to say but your sibling doesn't like your partner. If they did they would invite them. Their explanation that this is down to numbers is clearly nonsense. If they liked your partner they would have dropped someone else. And for most people to not invite a sibling's partner to their wedding means that they have a pretty big dislike for them, not just find them mildly annoying. the fact that your parents aren't prepared to say anything would suggest that they either aren't keen on your partner too, or at least that they understand why your sibling doesn't like them.

If you usually get on with your sibling I think you need to have an honest conversation with them about why they don't like your partner, and be ready to hear some things you might not want to hear.

Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 26/11/2019 08:06

It has nothing to do with anyone not liking my partner. B&G have a set number of guests and quite a few friends. They said they don't have the room as they have chosen the set number.

OP posts:
Whoops75 · 26/11/2019 08:14

Numbers are an excuse.

If they like their partner then its a very passive aggressive dig at you.
Do you and your sister have unresolved issues?

OneDay10 · 26/11/2019 08:19

I would seriously consider not going. If the partners are equal in every respect then it is more than a snub. They are humiliating you as well. On the wedding day most people will be asking you wheres your partner? And then you will feel like crap because now it's out there that something is wrong with your partner to not be invited.
The numbers story is an excuse.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 26/11/2019 12:11

Then the only suitable response is "Well, you don't need to worry about including me either because I wont be going and if anyone asks, I am not going to lie for you. I'll be telling them what you've said to me".

If you do go, and you get asked where your partner is, I'd also have to say "Oh, B&G said that they couldn't be invited due to numbers"

This smacks something awful of Bride or Groom-zilla.

billy1966 · 26/11/2019 12:28

Honestly OP, sorry to say but there is a whiff of public humiliation here in not inviting him.

I can't believe a sibling who liked you would that.

It's a big thing not to go to a siblings wedding, but I can imagine I would find it difficult in these circumstances.

Maybe the ceremony and nothing else.

With the truth being that as you are in a committed relationship, you felt it was a snub too far as he was singled out.

Really sorry for you.

Your parents should be stepping in here and telling your sister this is not acceptable.

It's very poor of them not to.

And I don't say the above easily.

💐

lyralalala · 26/11/2019 12:59

It has nothing to do with anyone not liking my partner. B&G have a set number of guests and quite a few friends. They said they don't have the room as they have chosen the set number.

If that was true then they’d have had a set rule about partners

You don’t invite one sibling’s partner and not the other unless you are making a point

meyouandlulutoo · 26/11/2019 14:36

I agree with billy1966 word for word

Whoops75 · 26/11/2019 16:52

She’s a bitch but you don’t have to stoop to her level.
I would go to the ceremony ,meal and then thank them for a lovely day & leave.

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/11/2019 23:08

Hey OP, so what’s the plan? Such a strange situation - has this sibling ever shown this side to them before?

bumpingalongnicely · 28/11/2019 23:13

Haven't RTFT but am I the first to correct...you do know it's a minefield right?
Sorry I know Mumsnet are usually particular about these things!

SoupDragon · 28/11/2019 23:19

🤦🏻‍♀️ Seriously? It was done by the 15th post.

bumpingalongnicely · 28/11/2019 23:24

Lol I was beginning to question myself I hadn't seen anyone mention it!

SoupDragon · 29/11/2019 07:10

This is Mumsnet - even 15 posts was slow. Nearly 200 would cause a rip in the space/time continuum.

Cultoffortnite · 29/11/2019 07:14

I would goZ I would not miss a sibs wedding over this. Besides you will know everyone practically won’t you? It’s not like you’ll be alone all night with no one to talk to

TryingToBeBold · 29/11/2019 07:15

I would say it's a snub.
Also.. if you were going to invite a partner who might be sticking around then surely it would make more sense to invite B on their own and then C+1.
But then in 10 years time when looking back on photos would C (if they have split) feel sad as it was like a long term relationship. Whereas B would look and laugh and be like "I dont even remember their name" and would be less upset.

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