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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite and the mindfield.

202 replies

FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 22:57

Was hoping to create a poll.

Not giving any specifics as want to keep it vague.

Ultimately, my question is would you attend this wedding as C?

3 siblings. Sibling A getting married. Siblings B and C not married, both in relationships, neither live with their partners yet, neither relationship very long yet but both see futures/longevity. Sibling B has a history of shortish relationships. Sibling C has had 1 very long relationship previously. Sibling A has met both partners once due to logistics of life/distance. Sibling B's partner gets invited to the wedding. Sibling C told no +1. If you were sibling C, would you go or see it as a snub?

OP posts:
KittenLedWeaning · 22/11/2019 07:12

FirstTimePoll

Is it possible that A thinks B will kick up a fuss and not go if her partner isn't invited, whereas you are more likely to take it on the chin?

Sometimes if you have a reputation for being accommodating, people will take advantage of it, and pander instead to those family members will a reputation for being stroppy.

Nanny0gg · 22/11/2019 07:26

What do your parents think?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/11/2019 07:41

@helpmum2003 why would her partner bother going to the church if they just have to go home afterwards anyway?

OP I'd also be asking if your sisters partner will be in the wedding photos because that'd be shitty!

Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 22/11/2019 08:09

I didn't think about the photos. I imagine they would be!

I'm not sure if B would kick up a fuss. As B has had a few partners (and no judgement, I don't care) they were originally told they couldn't bring someone unless they kept this latest one (which I thought was rude). Maybe B did kick up then, hence the invite.

Dad isn't impressed at all but won't say anything. Mum would just let them get on with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 22/11/2019 08:10

Oh and wedding but not stay for the evening will be the way to go tbh. I think my goodwill will have expired by then anyway.

OP posts:
Winterwoollies · 22/11/2019 08:15

I just came here to say that, without shaming anyone, ‘invite’ is a verb and ‘invitation’ is a noun. Therefore it should always be ‘wedding invitation’. Not ‘wedding invite’. A small point but an important one none-the-less. As you were.

PurpleDaisies · 22/11/2019 08:38

Don’t be snotty winter. Invite can be used informally was a synonym for invitation.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/invite

Actionhasmagic · 22/11/2019 09:04

In this case they probably shouldn’t have invited Bs partner but then someone is always upset at weddings with invites or seating plans or otherwise.

FrenchBoule · 22/11/2019 09:16

The reason people get away with bad behaviour is because nobody calls them on it.
OP, your sibling should be challenged.
Go to the ceremony if you want and skip the rest, don’t be shy to say why.Your sibling A seriously damaged your relationship with their unfair reasoning and your parents are spineless.
Evening dance- everybody has their +1 but you can pair up with uncle Bob?
I wouldn’t forget such snub in the near future and would definitely reevaluate my relationship with sibling A.

TheHootiestOwl · 22/11/2019 09:35

How does your partner feel about the snub?

FizzyGreenWater · 22/11/2019 10:12

The reason people get away with bad behaviour is because nobody calls them on it.

Exactly.

And this is what you are already planning to do. You WON'T challenge and say sorry I can't be there. Your 'compromise' is to go to the ceremony - so they get to look ok in front of family, get to have you in the photos, aren't embarrassed by it AT ALL. No comeback. You plan a safe 'flounce' from the reception... because you know that that won't cause an issue at all. They won't give a shit about waving you off once you've been wheeled out successfully for the public bits. Fine, go home. You'd probably even make an excuse about being tired.

THIS is why they can and do treat you like this.

Nanny0gg · 22/11/2019 10:21

I think that both partners should be invited for the evening if numbers are an issue.

If that's not going to happen then I can see why the OP would go to the first part and then leave. I wouldn't be buying them a wedding present either, but that's just me.

If I was the OP's mum I really would have to question the decision.

(Oh, and @Winter, I do actually agree with you...)

CravingCheese · 22/11/2019 17:43

YOu obviously need to ask.

And then decide whether you want to go or not.

Kingk1 · 22/11/2019 17:48

If I was sibling C I would be very annoyed. Sibling A must not like the BF! Why would she invite 1 boyfriend and not the other just doesn't sound right?? Hve u asked why?

pollymere · 22/11/2019 17:59

If you were cousins, I'd say these things happen. Sibs; no. That's downright rude. You need to find out why.

Celestine70 · 22/11/2019 18:02

C should just be upfront and ask why their partner is not invited.

ToftyAC · 22/11/2019 18:03

You can’t treat siblings with such abject favouritism. If I was C I’d go to the ceremony then go straight home afterwards and leave A to explain why. Actually I think A is being a twat.

ittakes2 · 22/11/2019 18:09

Sorry if I missed it - did you ask why the other sibling was allowed a partner but you are not?

Kat0305 · 22/11/2019 18:09

I had a kind of similar situation. Sibling excluded my DD from the ceremony as ‘no kids’ But there were other kids there when we arrived... DD was only 1, and all family/close friends at the ceremony. Ended up leaving DD with a friend of my parents while we were in the ceremony (DD and friend were at the venue in case of issues) and then we left not long into the reception. Yes it was a snub. Yes it was upsetting. However it was her day, and she deserves the wedding she wants. It’s really up to them who they invite - weddings are a minefield and it would be as well to remember that before you ‘confront’ as others have suggested. Is it worth the family argument it may cause? Up to you but I decided it wasn’t worth the upset I could cause by confronting - I moaned ALOT!! To my friends about it but ultimately sucked it up and she had the day she wanted xx

billy1966 · 22/11/2019 18:20

Extremely rude to C and very disrespectful of her.

Your parents are also very poor not to point this out.

I appreciate that numbers can be tight but siblings always get a plus1.

You definitely don't treat siblings differently.

Both or neither was the choice.

Of course you have every right to be offended at such rudeness.
💐

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/11/2019 18:24

I think you’re doing the right thing by showing your face at the wedding and reception then leave. if you think the bride will kick off about not including your partner, is it really worth the hassle to try?

SoupDragon · 22/11/2019 18:30

I just came here to say that, without shaming anyone, ‘invite’ is a verb and ‘invitation’ is a noun.

According to Chambers it is both a verb and a noun.

HTH.

SoupDragon · 22/11/2019 18:34

I'm not sure how the "no plus 1" can be interpreted as anything other than a snub in this scenario. It will be interesting how they explain why B got one.

Jack80 · 22/11/2019 18:35

Partners are usually invited even if been with people for 5 mins

charm8ed · 22/11/2019 18:42

I’d go if I was C.
I didn’t know about this lack of plus one until I read a few different Mumsnet threads. When I got married (a long time ago) every guest had a plus one, either their partner or some people went a friend or a relative. It was a great day, I didn’t want anyone feeling awkward and not knowing who to talk to.