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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite and the mindfield.

202 replies

FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 22:57

Was hoping to create a poll.

Not giving any specifics as want to keep it vague.

Ultimately, my question is would you attend this wedding as C?

3 siblings. Sibling A getting married. Siblings B and C not married, both in relationships, neither live with their partners yet, neither relationship very long yet but both see futures/longevity. Sibling B has a history of shortish relationships. Sibling C has had 1 very long relationship previously. Sibling A has met both partners once due to logistics of life/distance. Sibling B's partner gets invited to the wedding. Sibling C told no +1. If you were sibling C, would you go or see it as a snub?

OP posts:
Mosaic123 · 20/11/2019 23:34

I think C has to ask sibling who is getting married why.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 20/11/2019 23:34

Surely the age thing can't be right - C can't be young enough for that to be a consideration but to have had one 'very long' prior relationship?

Ooh, that's my guess - is C recently and controversially divorced and that's why A doesn't want the new boyfriend there?

Peakypolly · 20/11/2019 23:35

I would decline. It would seem that A gives priority to B, so, as C, I would feel very upset.

Leeds2 · 20/11/2019 23:36

If I were C, I would be offended. But I would still go to the wedding, as it would be my sister's. I doubt I would forget though, so probably wouldn't do much for long term relations!

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 20/11/2019 23:39

You mention sibling C has had one very long relationship previously - so their current partner is quite new? If so and if a newer relationship than B then I don't really see a problem. In any event it's Sibling A's wedding and they can invite who they want to - you're free not to go but without additional information seems like you would be fairly petty not to.

RuggerHug · 20/11/2019 23:39

I'd go because it's my sibling getting married but I would be offended.

Sunflower20 · 20/11/2019 23:41

I wouldn't go. In fact I no longer go to weddings if I don't get a plus one.

Whoops75 · 20/11/2019 23:43

I would also go to the wedding

Majorcollywobble · 20/11/2019 23:43

YANBU
It’s a very thoughtless omission to exclude C from being able to bring a +1.
It’s not enough to say this sibling will know lots of people there so doesn’t need company - as Sibling B ‘s +1 is invited .
It’s made worse by the fact that C can’t in all fairness to the family refuse to go without a +1. I think C should ask sibling B for support in getting an invite extended.
Weddings are supposed to bring families together not drive wedges between people . Awful way to start a married life .

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2019 23:45

How long have B & C been with their partners?

Are the relationships long enough for them to be defined as 'partners'? (as opposed to boyfriend/girlfriend?)

But it is a bit harsh I do agree.

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2019 23:45

Oh, and do the parents have a view?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/11/2019 23:46

It completely depends on the length of the relationship and how A got on with both partners.

I'd want an explanation so I could make an informed decision.

You don't have to go.

Is your partner offended?

theemmadilemma · 20/11/2019 23:47

Didn't we have this same thread already this week?

ShippingNews · 20/11/2019 23:50

Of course I'd go . And surely if these people are siblings, they can talk to each other ? Communication is your friend.

Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 23:50

"Didn't we have this same thread already this week?"

Not by me. If there's one thing I've learned from MN, it's that they often offend someone in some way so it's probably happened before.

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 23:51

It's not an age thing.
No controversial divorce.
I don't know when boyfriend/girlfriend even crosses over into partner territory tbh.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 21/11/2019 00:01

Well, you're obviously C with a cob on because your partner hasn't been invited. Is your partner a bit socially inept? Is there any likelihood that your sister, having met your partner, has no wish to have that partner at the wedding (eg your partner, while a mindblowing shag, makes racist remarks, farts all the time or gets drunk and tries to hit on everyone in sight?)

plightofthealbatross · 21/11/2019 00:07

I would ask A why the difference in treatment and go from there.

73Sunglasslover · 21/11/2019 00:08

Is C's relationship newer than B's?

Dilkhush · 21/11/2019 00:11

Even if it's a snub it's not worth missing a siblings wedding for.

Cuteypye · 21/11/2019 00:14

Nope, wouldn’t go.

If I was C I would tell A how unfair I thought they were being and request that they reconsider and invite my partner for the sake of fairness. If A refused, then I would simply say that I would not be attending either. I also wouldn’t buy them a gift.

Even if A backed down because I had said I wasn’t going, and said my partner could come after all, I wouldn’t go because of the ill feeling that there would obviously be.

choli · 21/11/2019 00:24

I don't know when boyfriend/girlfriend even crosses over into partner territory tbh.
On Mumsnet it seem about four hookups qualified for partner statusWink

Chloemol · 21/11/2019 00:28

Yes, and being stubborn minded I may not go, or at least I would remember for my wedding and not invite her husband!

popehilarious · 21/11/2019 00:31

Are C and B different sexes, and that's why one partner gets invited and not the other? Or is one relationship straight and one gay?

Chocmallows · 21/11/2019 00:32

I would ask what was going on as I would see it as a snub.

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