Wedding invite and the mindfield.

[FirstTimePoll]

Was hoping to create a poll.

Not giving any specifics as want to keep it vague.

Ultimately, my question is would you attend this wedding as C?

3 siblings. Sibling A getting married. Siblings B and C not married, both in relationships, neither live with their partners yet, neither relationship very long yet but both see futures/longevity. Sibling B has a history of shortish relationships. Sibling C has had 1 very long relationship previously. Sibling A has met both partners once due to logistics of life/distance. Sibling B's partner gets invited to the wedding. Sibling C told no +1. If you were sibling C, would you go or see it as a snub?

In my family this would be a calculated insult and would probably indicate that neither C nor their boyfriend was really welcome. However, my siblings and I weren't really brought up together and are not at all close.
It would be interesting to know if "further out" relatives get plus ones. If cousin Mary gets to bring her new man, but yours isn't welcome, then you have your answer.

Of course it’s a snub, but don’t worry all the family will know they did it and think badly of them not you if they like your partner.

Regardless of the length of the relationship, I think it’s very bad form not to invite sibling C’s partner, especially when sibling B’s partner has been invited.
I would be having a word with sibling A to find out what the hell they’re thinking.
Unless there’s more to it, it’s an atrocious way to behave toward a sibling.

“Hey Sis A, Sis B told me that her partner can’t make it. But that solves the numbers issue so don’t worry as my DP can come and he’s really looking forward to it.”

Should flush out the real reason! Might want to warn Sis B though!

Yes, but I wouldn't have invited partners or +1s under those circumstances anyway.

I would open my mouth and ASK my sibling why A and B treated differently!

If c is in a long term relationship and their partner has not been invited it's a snub. Quite a clear one at that.

Not read the whole thread (so this may have been asked) but I'd wonder why the new partner of the sibling with a history of short term relationships has been invited over the new partner of the sibling who has only ever had one LTR?

Has OP confirmed she is C ???

This happened to me years ago when a friend got married. My partner of over three years with whom we all went to college with and with whom we all spent weekends away with was not invited. I wouldn’t have thought anything about it except the partner of another mutual friend was invited, despite this being a relationship of only a couple of months and the bride and groom had not yet met this person. I too was told it was about numbers. I did go to the wedding. It is of course up to the bride and groom who they invite but I have to admit it did upset me a bit and made me view the friendship differently.

Yes, OP is C.

Given that both the B and C relationships are roughly equal in terms of length, I think it is outrageously rude. Both or neither would have been the way to go. I agree with you OP - ceremony and then leave.

Yes, definite snub! How bizarre!? (And a bit rude tbh).

I'd ask first, and say it's really upsetting for you to attend alone when your other sibling is bringing their partner and presumably the majority of guests have a + one. If they don't offer an invite then I'd attend the service, and the meal but then leave straight after.

It's pretty hurtful, being honest, but weddings always seem to bring out the worst behaviour in people...........

Unless it is a snub And A has a dislike for C partner/or their sibling then...

I’m guessing C is the peacemaker/placid one amongst the siblings.and generally Tries not to upset the apple cart.

B is the stroppy one that will throw their toys out of the pram, rant and rave if they don’t get their own way/unhappy

So A needs to cut the list somewhere and has opted for the less volatile option.

Op that’s awful. Hope you’re able to sort this out with your sister. Things like this can cause lifelong rifts.

Funnily something like this happened in DH family years ago, before I met him. DH was allowed to bring his then girlfriend to his brothers wedding. His younger DSis was not allowed to bring her boyfriend as she was ‘too young and the relationship wouldn’t last’. Obviously DH relationship didn’t last. His DSis is now happily married to her then boyfriend. Funny thing is DH’s ex seems to have managed to plant herself centre stage in the photos.

Sibling B's partner gets invited to the wedding

So if I was any other sibling (or indeed any other relative or guest discovering sibling B was the only one to have A PARTNER ) -not plus one, they do have partners, not long enough for your liking in terms of invite, but A&Cdo have partners- I would TOTALLY JUDGE YOU for not inviting the partner of A&C.
As a sibling, yes, I would attend so I didn’t hurt our parents BUT I would never feel the same for you again. So petty for the sake of 2 meals.

YABU

Jeeze my update was slow sorry I see you are C
YANBU

Total snub

I'm actually relieved to see it's pretty unanimous. Part of me genuinely wondered if I should just get over myself.

@FirstTimePoll I was you in 2008.
Yes, I'm the C and the scapegoat in my family.
With apologies for making this post about me and I'm sorry that it is long, my hope is that you might find it relevant.

FWIW this is what I did:
I didn't go to sibling A's wedding.
As PPs have pointed out there are siblings and there are siblings.
My own family are horribly dysfunctional and sibling A in my case is/was the golden child. I'm convinced that my sibling A was absolutely being spiteful when they didn't invite my partner.

After a few years we got married too, given the mess that is my family I wanted to run off somewhere, just the two of us but DH was firm about inviting our families. DH specifically wanted his family to be there.

For our wedding we invited our parents, siblings, friends, people who waved at us from a bus in passing ok maybe not them and all of their DCs. We made a point of ensuring that everyone was welcome.

It did cause a mild eyebrow raise from us but sibling A in our scenario did come to our wedding. Tbh on our wedding day I wouldn't have cared whether my sibling A came to our wedding or not. We had a glorious wedding day and I don't even remember whether sibling A was glowering in the corner or starting the congo with our Great Aunts.

Whatever you decide to do I'm team C, all the way and I wish you the best OP

Bit late to the convo, just wanted to say as someone who got married in Ireland, living in Scotland, we gave all single people a plus one - even a 70 year old aunt(she had a good giggle about that). It’s rude and thoughtless to give one sibling a plus one and nae the other. I’d let the bride and groom know you’re upset and see it as a snub but I would attend the wedding, however think I’d be petty and have my partner stay at the hotel and after the ceremony and food if bugger off with my partner for a fun filled evening and leave them to it. Wouldn’t forget though, again being petty think I’d start arranging events and leave out the new hubby 🤣🤣 but that’s just me and I’m petty - no wedding gift either

Giveherhellfromus in that situation I also wouldn’t invite the partner to anything but you’ve a valid reason for not inviting the stoner which if asked is exactly what I’d tell my sister. Each to their own but if I don’t Like your partners behaviour (in this case illegal) that’s perfectly valid, espucalky at a wedding. Who wants auntie Margaret, at 60, asking what the funny smell is at the smokers bit by the front door

If you were in a long term relationship before, were your sister or her fiance close to your ex partner? They may not be ready to accept your new partner if they are still friends with your ex.

What does your partner think about it? Is he bothered?

Only way is to talk to your sister directly and make it clear this will make future meetings mor awkward if all are there with partners.